Why does my MIL copy everything?

She wants to be you. I would loathe her copying every little thing especially same car three days later! Sounds like a thriller plot and a bit creepy. I would actually distance myself more and move further away so she knows less about your business. Why doesn’t your DH support you and see what she’s doing?

My dh really wouldn't like it if mil wore the same perfume as me. I think of all the examples you've given that's the one where I'd have to say something.

Maybe she thinks you have great taste? Maybe she's lonely and it's a way of feeling connected? Might be more helpful to think of it sympathetically rather than as an attack on you.

I can imagine the level you discribe it would be annoying, but if she is genuinely nice is it flattering you?

She knows that you both will carefully research the items you buy so takes a short cut.

I'm on a large sports whatsapp group that I play with.
My washing machine died.
I stuck a quick message up asking had anyone bought one in the last year, family size and happy.
Got an immediate recommendation and just went with it.
Delighted with it, installed 24 hours later. Painless.
Researching stuff can be a dose for some people.

My dm does this too, not to the extent of yours, but it can get a bit irritating.

I would be fine if dm said "I like those boots, I might have to copy you, and get some too." She doesn't though, she'll look at them, make a mild sore of depressive compliment, then go out a day or two later and buy the same ones, and not tell me, or even worse show me them like she has found them first, and had no idea I have them too.
I will spot stuff in her house, and think goodness they're what I just wore last week when I was wish her.

If she buys me an item of jewellery, she will always get one for herself too. It seems like an identity issue, and some sort of insecurity, as dm often buys excessively to make herself feel better. She could have 10 pairs of boots, and will still go out and buy yours. She will also try to one up you too, and know you've just gotten something you really like, then show you what she has, and say "but do you not like mine?", etc. I never show her everything I buy, and display it like she does and seek compliments, and then raves that everybody admires it. It is OTT.

I think maybe a MH issue on dm's part so I'm trying to let it go. She just has to have everything other people have.

One of my elderly in-laws was like this. If we got a new TV, she got the same. A new phone, the same. A new vacuum cleaner, the same. Eventually even clothes, but at least in different colours.

Eventually I asked her why? She thought she was being sensible because, if she had problems with her TV or tech, etc, I would know how to fix it and could talk her through it on the phone.

As for clothes, she said she thought I always looked nice. I ended up with lots of her duplicate clothes when she realised that they didn't suit her.

I feel a bit sorry for her. I can't imagine caring (or noticing) if someone "copied" my bed or windows. It's hardly unique, thousands of people buy them. Who cares if she has the same bedding or car, or books holidays you've been to. I don't think it's that big a deal.

Reminds me of when teenagers buy the latest fashions and get annoyed when peers copy "their style". If you want to be unique, find bespoke items and don't go for the most popular styles. If you like it, chances are thousands of others will too.

The only thing I wouldn't be comfortable sharing would be perfume, strictly for selfish reasons. Who wants to smell exactly like their husband's mother?

Just let it go, and don't volunteer information if you're so concerned about it

Does she go to the shops regularly and by herself? I hate shopping so usually the only new things I see are things friends and family are wearing. That might be my prompt to go online to buy something.

Maybe when you are out or shopping take some photos of a few things and send them through to her. "Was in John Lewis the other day and me and DH saw this and thought how You it was" point her in a different direction.

Doesn't have to be high effort if you take 2 things into the changing room just show her the one you rejected. If she thinks it has your DH approval she might be even more likely to take the bait

I feel a bit sorry for her. I get it would be annoying, so so irritating. To the point ur like wtf!

I'd probably just joke about it and say oh come on u cld have at least got a different colour with the car! Then gauge her reaction. I have a feeling if u said something in a non jokey way she might get upset or just look a bit sad. I think u wld end up feeling like the bad one.

I'd genuinely start making it up where I bought things. Aw the curtains, eh I think it was Next, no Dunelm or what is the range. God I can't remember I was in so many shops! Perfume, oh it's a sample one I got can't remember. She might soon get the picture!

As she’s clearly from your comments not doing it maliciously, I think there’s a few things going on here:

• she trusts your taste and research process: for something like cars/electricals I might well buy what a family member had researched and said was good.
• she doesn’t see an issue in the two of you having the same stuff. I’d maybe try and be overt about the things that you DO mind her having the same of and let some go. Eg make it clear you don’t want to accidentally wear the same things to an event; make it clear you don’t want her to copy your wallpaper but let the hoover go.
• be vague. Forget the model name or where you’ve bought things, or get it wrong - don’t make it easy for her!

I said it yesterday on the thread where it's the best friend copying-information diet. Yes, your DH needs to stop telling her everything. Buy Single White Female for her next birthday. Keep puppies away from her.

My awful mil decorated her front room identical to ours! Same paint, wallpaper and even furniture!
Seems to be a weird mil thing - when questioned why it was identical she said she didn't realise it would be an issue and that she thought I'd be happy & flattered she'd copied. 😂

My sister does this but she’s always got to go one better. I think it’s a jealousy thing - she thinks I have a perfect life (I don’t) and she’s got to one up me.

I got a new flat once and she came to help me shop/settle in. I was returning from travelling so I was starting from scratch - think everything Ikea. I went to visit her a few weeks later and her bathroom was a carbon copy of mine.

Later when we had a young family, we took a rental on a weekend cabin - nothing fancy - and she rented a luxury lodge on the same site.

We really wanted a camper van for a while but couldn’t afford it. She phoned me about a month later and was champing at the bit “guess what we’ve just bought???”. I just said “lucky you, that was DH and I’s dream”.

We had a favourite holiday destination (not particularly popular) that she started going to with her family even though it was in her words “so boring” until we stopped going.

It did cause me to hold some resentment - the feeling that she took pleasure in outdoing me - then I thought of it as just being a bit sad really.

I now just joke that if I lost an arm, she’d need to end up with no legs in a wheelchair.

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery !!!
it is a bit odd , but try not to leave it bother you so much …x

Start buying really ugly stuff you'll never use/wear and snigger at her copying you!

If she asks where something is from and it’s from Next tell her it’s from M&S, or say you can’t remember, if she likes your perfume say it’s YSL when really it’s by Dior. She will soon get fed up on a wild goose chase all the time.