Don’t want MIL living with us

I bet he does, “very traditional” usually seems to mean he earns the money and is king at home, having a great time with no household/domestic responsibilities while she does everything else all the time, no weekends off. Maybe he sees his mum as an Extra pair of hands to assist this vision in becoming a reality?
But I agree with everyone else on this thread, stand firm against this idea!

We are considering inviting my MiL to live with us, but we would all have to choose the house and wouldn’t contemplate sharing either of our existing homes- it just wouldn’t work, they’re too small even if there are enough bedrooms. We all need our own daytime spaces and privacy, and also our own sense of control over our parts of the home- I think otherwise there would be clashes of people trying to control communal spaces to their preferences, or simply too many personalities in the available space. Your kids will only get bigger and need these things as well!

That’s the only answer you need. Put your foot down, he doesn’t get to decide this for you. You don’t have to passively agree because he’s “made up his mind” - it’s not just his future. You clearly wouldn’t be comfortable having her in your space 24/7 (no one would) and there’s no reason she needs to be! No care needs etc. He just wants mumsy also taking care of him and making his life easier. I’d be telling him the women in his life aren’t there to provide labour for HIM, they they and deserve their own lives, not be supporting characters. He’s had enough from his mum.

If he really wants a bigger house and his mummy moved in tell him you only agree on the condition your parents also move in. Fair is bloody fair. Of course he won’t like that because then he’ll be in your position of stuck entertaining the inlaws 24/7. But there we go.

Ah, and tell him he can say goodbye to any sex life. Awkward as fuck worried your MIL can hear or is aware what’s happening.

You like her so could she move to be nearer?
but move in? No no no

MiL lived next door. This was perfect. She was a private person and very much didn't want to interfere in our lives. As she needed more help, it was so easy to go round to do what she needed, or just call in for a cuppa. But we would all have hated it if she had actually moved in. I can't see that even our excellent relationship would have survived living in the same house. It would be a hard no from me. If it isn't something you wholeheartedly want, definitely don't do it and please make it clear to your DH asap. As a PP said, putting your foot down early is far better than potentially getting MiLs hopes up and then dashing them.

@Justlivelovelaugheat
I'm one of 6 kids and we had my Nan living with us too 😩
It was bloody awful & having my own quiet room to escape to when I left home was the best feeling in the world! I really feel for you right now!

I don't think it's a great idea.
However three or four short bursts of a week at a time per year might be positive... and give every one a taste of what they don't want permanently.

Having MIL live within twenty minutes drive could be helpful to both households. Or on a direct train route.

What is the primary reason your DH thinks it wouild be beneficial?

How old are the kids? I know everyone says it but they honestly grow so fast. Once they are at secondary school they become so independent and spend huge amounts of time out with their friends and at sleepovers etc. That’s when you and your husband would have so much free time together but you’d turn around and your MIL would be there and probably needing care herself.

How about getting a big house with a separate annex rather than her move in.

God no. No. No. No. why is she living with the other son?

Not a cat's hope in hell here.
If DH was set on an idea like this, I'd be asking him to go and move in with her.
I grew up in a house full of people, never even an empty room. The idea of recreating that as an adult makes me want to run away and live under a hedge.

Is your DH Asian?

If your MIL is happily settled w your BIL, why would your DH want her to move?
Perhaps you should let him know, while it works well with his brother's family, it doesn't mean it would work with his own family especially when his wife is not on board. Wouldn't he look a fool if things fall apart after getting his own way and moving his mother in?

No way! DH suggested FIL move in after MIL passed. DH was doing his thing where he blocks out everything except his own opinion & was determined.

I pulled his rose tinted glasses off & pointed out the lack of privacy, demands for conversation when DH was tired after work, how FIL would come everywhere with us, including holidays. I explained how DH wouldn't be do his hobbies anymore, because I wasn't entertaining FIL while he flitted off. Plus fast forward to future elderly care, right about the time we want to retire & travel. Changed his mind very quickly. Maybe try that!

If you don’t want this then that’s the bottom line.

She said in a previous post that even her Asian friends don't want to live with their in laws so it's a pretty fair assumption.

I wouldn't do it but my bf did it with her dh, kids and her parents. They sold their houses and bought a big one. The plan was the separate it to give them their own closed off space, but they have lived in a shared space for nearly 1.5 years and don't intend on getting them their own space. They are all very happy. The parents do have their own beautiful lounge and en suite bedroom.

My bf loves it as they help with the kids. If she needs to nip out the parents are happy keeping an eye on the dc (late primary). The parents tidy up the communal spaces during the day and love gardening so that's sorted too.

Absolutely hell to the no

Suggest moving one of your parents in to be a closer family unit/have more help at home and see what he says to that
Is there a pressing reason that hes planning to move MIL in?

You’ve just assumed @Justlivelovelaugheat is not Asian. Maybe she is

Firm no from me. As you’re a SAHM is this because he wants you to go back to work? If not, seems little point as you’re at home.