Page 2 | Why are people so harsh on the AIBU

Catza · 04/02/2025 08:30

This is "Am I Being Unreasonable" thread. The underlying assumption is that people come on here to ask if they are being unreasonable in the their thoughts, feelings or actions and are accepting of the fact that they may be so. In theory. In practice, the posters often come here to argue and have their thoughts, feelings and actions validated. These posters will often have their arse handed to them.
There is also a difference between being rude and being direct. It's subtle but it's there.

Craftyfloral · 04/02/2025 08:30

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Craftyfloral · 04/02/2025 08:29

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TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 04/02/2025 08:28

Justlivelovelaugheat · 04/02/2025 07:29

I feel like people never offer good or moreover NICE advise? Why are replies always so miserable and harsh lol

As the first PP gently pointed out, it's advice in this context. Advise/advising is the act of giving advice.
But AIBU is a place to express an opinion, within the parameters of the Talk Guidelines, and sometimes, people have differing opinions which they voice here.
It's never all going to be roses and unicorns; no point in giving 'nice advice' all the time, and definitely not if 'nice' is contrary to safety or sanity.

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Justlivelovelaugheat · 04/02/2025 08:27

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On Which one because all of the advise I received has been lovely? I don’t mind if people agree with me or not but some of the ones I see people are attacked personally and rude comments are left. You are very active on this site lol can I expect you to reply to all my posts in the future?

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Craftyfloral · 04/02/2025 08:23

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Craftyfloral · 04/02/2025 08:23

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Original poster

Justlivelovelaugheat · 04/02/2025 08:22

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And minutes after that I read horrible comments on other people’s threads. You must have premium no ?

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AIBot · 04/02/2025 08:22

Why do I kind of like the idea of a savage knitting group? 🤣

Didimum · 04/02/2025 08:21

You never know what threads are going to get a pile on. But when they do it is utterly horrible to read. I disagree that advice doesn’t have to be ‘nice’. Most posters looking for advice are struggling and need support.

Craftyfloral · 04/02/2025 08:20

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AIBot · 04/02/2025 08:20

A minority of respondents have something going on in their lives that makes them mean to others, or maybe they are horrible people. But in general, the aim is to give the OP a sense of whether they are being unreasonable or not.

It’s implicit in the title that the original poster might be unreasonable, so they do need to realise that they might be told that they are. Sometimes very bluntly.

Other boards such as Parenting exist for a gentler experience.

5128gap · 04/02/2025 08:19

Justlivelovelaugheat · 04/02/2025 08:14

Talking about other people’s. I seen a woman being slated being called a bad mom for not being able to control her 2 year old and I thought wow that’s harsh. Just wondering why it’s so cut throat sometimes.

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Did you go on to the thread and offer some balance by being supportive of her? Because that's a lot more productive if you think people are being treated harshly or the replies are wrong than complaining about the harshness. No ones going to change because of these threads, but offering an alternative view on the threads at the time can make people think and may help the OP.

Original poster

Justlivelovelaugheat · 04/02/2025 08:16

AnnaAkhmatova · 04/02/2025 08:06

I imagine a lot of Mumsnetters have mental health problems because they don't much like their partners - even if they claim to be 'a team'. They are exhausted by running round after their children, doing the bulk of the housework, trying not to age or put on weight, and generally keeping up a facade. One of the few pleasures readily available to them is giving other women - who have the nerve to admit they are struggling - a good (anonymous) kicking.

I love that. That’s such a real responses. Don’t forget them saying things they’d never say to other peoples faces as well.

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Original poster

Justlivelovelaugheat · 04/02/2025 08:14

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Talking about other people’s. I seen a woman being slated being called a bad mom for not being able to control her 2 year old and I thought wow that’s harsh. Just wondering why it’s so cut throat sometimes.

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5128gap · 04/02/2025 08:13

There are loads of excellent replies! Good advice, buckets of empathy, insightful and interesting points made and some lol wit. Yes there's a handful of irritating unpleasant and daft responses, but they're the minority. I think its important to remember that while people may be seeking advice, it's not therapy or an agony column. It's a bunch of randoms passing time and the culture of that either aligns with what you want or it doesn't.

FoxtonFoxton · 04/02/2025 08:11

It can be harsh, but over the years (with NC) I've had some amazing advice and support here. Much more on the nice side than the nasty. I just take the nasty bits on the chin or totally ignore if it's just silly trolling nonsense. I've never seen a forum that doesn't have a similar amount of harsh -you should have seen the group my nan was on for knitting on Facebook! Savage.

WhenTheyComeForYou · 04/02/2025 08:09

YANBU. There’s a majority who get off on talking to people like crap. It’s an anonymous outlet I guess.

Craftyfloral · 04/02/2025 08:07

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AnnaAkhmatova · 04/02/2025 08:06

I imagine a lot of Mumsnetters have mental health problems because they don't much like their partners - even if they claim to be 'a team'. They are exhausted by running round after their children, doing the bulk of the housework, trying not to age or put on weight, and generally keeping up a facade. One of the few pleasures readily available to them is giving other women - who have the nerve to admit they are struggling - a good (anonymous) kicking.

CharityShopChic · 04/02/2025 08:06

Nice isn't always what is needed. If you want "oh poor you, there there, yes make this really stupid choice, you do you" advice then you're in the wrong place. And to be fair, AIBU isn't an advice or support forum anyway, is it?

There are undoubtedly people who pile in to be mean just for the sake of being mean but just like real life, sometimes posters need a few home truths.

VoodooRajin · 04/02/2025 08:05

Justlivelovelaugheat · 04/02/2025 07:29

I feel like people never offer good or moreover NICE advise? Why are replies always so miserable and harsh lol

So you've never noticed all the kind supportive posts?

Dillythedallyduck · 04/02/2025 08:05

I actually think that if you analyse most posts, most mumsnetters do actually try to be helpful and sympathetic (unless the poster is coming across as really unpleasant) the problem is, this site does attract people who, for whatever reason, are spoiling for a fight and enjoy being harsh in a way that they probably wouldn't dare in real life. Because those harsh comments sting, they stand out and make people feel as if the whole thread is attacking them...which is often not the case.

Theunamedcat · 04/02/2025 08:04

Because your not asking for advice your asking if your being unreasonable if you want advice try chat

Original poster

Justlivelovelaugheat · 04/02/2025 08:04

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True.

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