SIL won’t give my nearly 2yo space and blames me for “mollycoddling”

Your dd has declined this kind of relationship.

I think your response was reasonable.

The family sound really strange and your husbands initial response is very weird.

Your sil is talking about herself here. It’s amazing how often unreasonable people do this. Her parents mollycoddle her. You shouldn’t respond to her. She’s been raised to be an entitled brat. She’s denying your dd the relationship your dd wants with her.

Your SIL needs to learn the lesson most 5 year olds understand - you can’t pick up the toddler and haul them about just because you want to. If you have to see her again stay close enough to your child to physically prevent this.

Time to go no-contact.

I’m guessing with the employment issues you’ve mentioned that she lives with her parents and that’s why your child is exposed to her so often? If so, your PIL can come to yours to see your daughter from now on.

She's putting her needs above your DC. She doesn't deserve to have a relationship with the way she's acted, but I think you could have handled it better. She sounds like a cow.

Sil is swearing and calling your not quite 2 year old names and having a big tantrum because she restrains your child when she was told to stop.

That's the SIL your child never sees. Your kid's development of body autonomy is more important than your SIL's feelings. She wants to control your child by physically restraining her. That she threw a tantrum complete with swearing and calling your daughter names because she didn't get her way shows she's doesn't really care about your daughter, is fulfilling her own needs, and is emotionally volatile.

Does she think you guys will cave because she had a mad fit? She showed her ass there.

It's a bit concerning to hear about the swearing and yelling at each other. Adults shouldn't be swearing at each other and continuing on their relationship as if that's not quite messed up. If someone swore at me and called me a terrible parent would never have any interaction from me ever again. I'd consider if that's the dynamics you want modelled to your DD and cut off contact with any family member that can't treat others with respect.

When adults don't listen to what toddlers are communicating, they find other ways to communicate. Like biting the auntie that grabs them.

This.

Give her some of her own medicine and then ask her if she thinks it is a nice way to treat another human.

SIL sounds unhinged. I'd tell her in no uncertain yerms and go lc or nc.

Genuinely she can’t have access to your child. Just don’t see her.

Give the brat a dolly. That's clearly what she wants. And possibly a dummy, too. . .

Next time, remove your child so she doesn’t have to witness your SIL’s rage that she can’t force your daughter into cuddles or to interrupt her play. Your Sil needs to be kept away until she starts to acknowledge that she needs to start respecting boundaries.

I'm not sure many would condemn you.

Although this is MN so the professional contrarians will no doubt arrive shortly. 😁

Nope.

I teach my toddler body autonomy. No one is being forced to hug anyone

Meh. Expressing yourself maturely is not always everything it's cracked up to be. With someone that crazy you need to make sure they've understood you.

Good grief. Well there is an entitled brat in this scenario and it's not your daughter.

Your SIL behaved appallingly and her insistence on hugging your daughter even when she is crying is strange. SIL clearly has no respect for boundaries so I would very tightly manage her contact with your daughter and if SIL is incapable of behaving like a rational adult I would tell her you won't be negotiating the terms of her relationship with your daughter because there won't be a relationship.

Or you could tell her to just gtf out of house and not come back until she's grown up which might be a bit more straight forward.

Agree this is not a normal response. If she tried that on with my 2 year old she would get her arse handed to her by me AND my toddler. Sounds like a bit of space and firm boundaries are needed.

What about the relationship your dd wants with her aunt? Or is allowing your daughter a choice the Mollycoddling bit. Buy sil a doll and tell her if she needs a 20 minute cuddle this is only way she’s getting it at your house

Sounds like aunt is a mini dictator who is going to ruin her own relationship with her her niece…

If your SiL won't listen to common sense and act in the best interest of your DD then you need to protect your DD from her.
If she won't respect your DD 's personal space and autonomy over her own body then quite simply your SiL shouldn't be allowed to see her.

As SIL called your DD an entitled brat she surely won't want a relationship with DD now!

You've done the right thing, no child should have an adults affections thrust upon them when they've expessed that they don't want it. I had an aunt who behaved in a similar way (I was the only girl in the family) and I swore I'd never let and adult behave like that with my DD's.

O gawd i had an aunt like this except it wasnt hugging it was tickling. I dont mean little tickles every few minutes. She would sit and hold me down and tickle me for prolonged periods. I was literally screaming at her to stop. Any time i entered a room i went the long way round to avoid her.

She always beckoned me over and my parents made me. It was awful.

One day i just kicked her really hard in the shoulder. Blaming the fact i couldnt control my limbs cause she was tickling me. I did it o purpose.

Still hate that aunt now haha

SIL needs to respect DDs autonomy. She doesn't want to be held. It's unwanted physical contact. Sil doesn't get to force DD to be held because that's what sil needs or wants. What about DDs needs and wants? I'd be very clear SIL either listens and stops forcing DD to do thing she doesn't want to do or she won't have any contact with DD. TBH I'd probably stop contact anyway because of the shouting and swearing. It's your job to protect your child and advocate for them.