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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave DC home alone at midnight?

308 replies

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:36

Bit of a WWYD really. DH thinks I’m being OTT, but I’m not sure.

We have two DC (12 and 9). We’ve been invited to a party next weekend, nothing wild, just drinks and a catch-up with friends we haven’t seen in ages. It’s at a house about ten minutes away, and we’d be back by 1am at the latest. DC would be asleep, and we’d obviously make sure they know how to contact us if needed. We have lovely neighbours who’d be in if anything went wrong.

DH says it’s fine, that DSS (12) is responsible, and they’ll just sleep through it anyway. But 9 still seems quite young to be left that late, even if we’re nearby.

Would you do it? Am I being a bit PFB about it, or is DH being too relaxed?

(For context, they’re fine being left for an hour or two in the day, but we’ve never left them this late before.)

TIA!

OP posts:
Oldglasses · 03/02/2025 18:12

No way! DCs were nearly 14 and just 12 when we first left them. We were not late back (although we were about 20 mins drive away). You'll know when the right time is as it will be when it's 'weird' to have a babysitter - DD (eldest) went from having a babysitter to being a babysitter in a quite short space of time.

Anothercoffeeafter3 · 03/02/2025 18:12

12 year old possibly okay. I wouldn't be worried about our DS sleeping through a fire alarm at that age as he would spend the night gaming until we got home!! I used to be left until 10/11pm at that age. DS will be getting the bus 10miles away on his own at 11 nearly 12 so at home seems safer. I don't feel it is anymore dangerous leaving them at night vs during the day. It was during the day we got broken into plus he has every light on so the house looks like we are having a party!!

The 9 year old really needs someone 16 plus to make sure he goes to bed etc.

ilovepixie · 03/02/2025 18:12

No. My mum used to leave us at night. I was 12 my sister 8 and I was terrified. I hated it. It didn't happen often but I always dreaded it.

UrsulasHerbBag · 03/02/2025 18:11

Also no. Way too young.

AllHopeandRainbows · 03/02/2025 18:11

Nope.

Moonnstars · 03/02/2025 18:11

No. Mine would probably wind each other up and upset each other as well, plus eat all the sweets and treats 😂

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 03/02/2025 18:10

No, absolutely not.

Imagine the trauma and guilt your eldest would have to live with if something happened whilst he was responsible for your youngest.

Anything could happen. In two years, maybe, depending on personalities.
Now is way too young.

cadburyegg · 03/02/2025 18:10

My oldest is nearly 10 and I wouldn't leave him at night at all. Glad you are getting a sitter.

Imisscoffee2021 · 03/02/2025 18:09

I wouldnt. And in situations like that I'd think, could I live with the risk or something happening if it did, even the tiniest chance of something happening, and if you couldn't, then don't. Get a babysitter?

healthybychristmas · 03/02/2025 18:09

No and I wouldn't do it if they were both 12 years of age.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 03/02/2025 18:09

Grammarnut · 03/02/2025 17:54

I wouldn't and it's illegal anyway. 12 is too young to babysit a younger brother or sister.
Why can't you get a babysitter?

The OP hasn't said where she is but it's not illegal in England, there is no legal age here

reelcat · 03/02/2025 18:09

Fuck no! A few hours in the day or early evening but never that late at night

Winter2020 · 03/02/2025 18:08

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:55

Thanks for the reply. You’ve got a point about the smoke alarms, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll look into getting a sitter, or maybe see if one of the grandparents can have them overnight. I just feel a bit torn because they are usually fine being left for shorter periods during the day, but I guess overnight is different. Appreciate the input!

Show quote history

@Montuewed
You mean this update?
Extremely wishy washy/"torn" and "usually fine" etc

LunchBoxPolice · 03/02/2025 18:08

Glad you aren’t going to do it. Tell Mr McCann he’s being stupid

Channellingsophistication · 03/02/2025 18:08

Glad you are getting a sitter they are too young to be left!

NinaNina83 · 03/02/2025 18:08

That's a hard no. What if there's fire or someone breaks in.. highly unlikely but just watch the news and you can see how bad things happen :(

ManchesterPie · 03/02/2025 18:07

Nope

Fawn87 · 03/02/2025 18:07

No I wouldn't do this.Too many things could go wrong and even if they're used to being left for short periods during the daytime, at night they could feel uneasy or scared. I left my kids in bed once and went to my sister's house next door to drop something off. I came back to two of them screaming because they'd woken and I wasn't there. I was gone 10 minutes at most and teen DC was in the house ( on headphones). So I learned my lesson.

MsCrawford · 03/02/2025 18:07

Mine two are the same ages as yours, I'll leave the 12 year old for a couple of hours in the day, she loves the independence- I wouldn't leave the 9 year old at this age at all, even though he is really sensible. I wouldn't leave either at that time of night. It's really not worth the risk - I'd re think this plan if I were you

ladyofshertonabbas · 03/02/2025 18:06

I wouldn't.

pippapipps · 03/02/2025 18:06

Absolutely no

Meadowfinch · 03/02/2025 18:05

No, absolutely not.

Heed the advice of the fire service. Immature brains do not wake up for fire alarms, they rely on parents to wake them.

I would never ever leave anyone under the age of 16 overnight and even then only in an emergency. It's still risky.

Exhaustedtiredneedabreak · 03/02/2025 18:04

Nope

Winter2020 · 03/02/2025 18:04

DreamW3aver · 03/02/2025 17:50

Out of interest what are the risks that you are worried about?

I'm assuming the OP wouldn't be asking if her children regularly wake up during the night and aren't sick or fire staters. . Which risks are higher because there isn't an adult in the house for a few hours?

I'm not saying do it I'm wondering what the actual concerns are

https://www.itv.com/news/london/2025-01-24/mother-sentenced-to-10-years-after-deaths-of-her-four-sons-in-housefire

MummyDummyNow · 03/02/2025 18:04

I agree with everyone else, my two similar ages and both very sensible but I wouldn't leave them, during the evening OR during the day.

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