To leave DC home alone at midnight?

Honestly, it's kind of difficult- it depends on so many things- actual age of oldest is one, but also, age gap (14&12 is different to 14&7), how well they get on, how sensible they both are, if you know your neighbours and how close their house is, how far you're going, what time you're back etc etc. Agree with pp that I only go out while I know they'll be up so we get back by 11 and tend to stay fairly local.

Absolutely not - sorry, OP. I don't have a twelve year old, but I definitely would have hated being left without adults in the house at night at that age, and I don't think it's fair leaving him with responsibility for the 9 year old either.

Not sure why people are having a go at you for asking given that you're obviously trying to break a deadlock between you and your husband. But no.

I wouldn't do it at that time of night. Perhaps during the day or earlier in the evening, but definitely not at 1am. You don't even know they'd be asleep, they might be anxious when left alone. They'd probably stay up (mine would). They might argue - a 9 year old won't necessarily listen to a 12 year old. You might as well take turns to go and have peace of mind.

How would the early evening work - would the 12 year old have to put themselves and their brother to bed?

ot is too much your DH needs a wake up call if he thinks he is being OTT they are far too young for this

a house behind us had a car catch fire yesterday these events happen and they are not old enough

find a babysitter

Out of interest what are the risks that you are worried about?

I'm assuming the OP wouldn't be asking if her children regularly wake up during the night and aren't sick or fire staters. . Which risks are higher because there isn't an adult in the house for a few hours?

I'm not saying do it I'm wondering what the actual concerns are

Heck no!

I wouldn’t. A few years ago my husband bought tickets to see my favourite comedian. Unfortunately he didn’t manage to get the venue that’s 15/20 mins max away, he got one that was 40-50 mins away. My eldest (14 at the time) said he was happy to babysit his younger brothers (12 & 8 - both 2 months off their next birthdays) and the younger 2 were happy to stay at home with big brother. My sister leant me her wifi camera that she uses to watch her cats when she’s not home, so I set that up in the living room. My sister and a friend who lives over the road both said they’d be available if the boys needed someone, and they all know our immediate few neighbours well, with all 3 boys being best friends in fact with the 3 sons of a neighbours house at the top of our driveway. So I uneasily agreed that this would be ok (we were due back at 11pm).

Honestly, the whole night I was really nervous. My youngest ended up not going to sleep upset because he wanted me home, my eldest basically couldn’t be arsed with anything and middle son took the opportunity and to play up. My friend went over and sat with them til 9pm ish then my sister went round til we got home.

It pretty much ruined the night out and I wish we had just tried to find someone to babysit - but my eldest was so adamant he could/would do it and I was babysitting at his age, we thought it would be ok.

You won’t be able to enjoy yourself OP - either don’t go, or get a babysitter.

Chances are they would be totally fine and sleep through it all @djdran

But, what if they don’t? What if they wake up scared/there’s an intruder/there’s a fire/they hurt themselves/fight/go looking for you? What’s the issue with getting a babysitter?

I agree with others ... but it's got me thinking about what age is okay to leave them, especially when you have two kids with an age gap.

We would sometimes like to go and see another band in another city where we wouldn't be back until 12 / 12:30 at night.

Mine are 13 and 10 and I wouldn't currently leave them alone at night / asleep. But what ages are okay? 14 and 11? 15 and 12?

I'm just thinking it feels risky leaving them alone asleep, especially when we are in another city ... but, it might be a bit embarrassing for a 14 or 15 year old to have a babysitter!

If us randomers on mumsnet had said it's fine would you have left your 12 year old responsible for a 9 year old until 1am?!?

Have the courage of your convictions and when your husband is being irresponsible/selfish stick to your guns. What other people think is irrelevant. They're your kids.

I don't go while they're in bed, so we have 15, 12, 9 and if we're out anywhere we're home by 10am and wouldn't go far (and don't drink so can be home in five, no waiting for taxis. I want them awake and watching a film together, aware of their surroundings, definitely not in bed.

I can't really rationalise the difference in the time of day but it just doesn't feel right and I parent by feel a lot of the time, especially with this sort of thing.

No way. Mine are a similar age and I wouldn't leave them in the day let alone at night.

Not in a million years

Absolutely not. They are far too young for that. Oldest would need to be 15 before I would even consider this.

Absolutely not. 12 is too young to be left in charge of another child. Baby sitter required.

Way too young OP

No, ridiculous you’d even think it ok.

Maybe leave them til 9ish, then one of you goes home

Were the older ones asleep by midnight? I would leave my 14yo late if he wanted, but I don't want him going to bed until I am home.

No, I wouldn't.

This is so selfish. I am guessing the party doesn't start at 12 midnight? Why not go earlier and then be home latest 10?

Yikes

No way, I’d get a sitter.

Absolutely not.

No.
A 12 year old still needs a babysitter. And the 9 year old definitely does!