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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave DC home alone at midnight?

308 replies

djdran · 03/02/2025 17:36

Bit of a WWYD really. DH thinks I’m being OTT, but I’m not sure.

We have two DC (12 and 9). We’ve been invited to a party next weekend, nothing wild, just drinks and a catch-up with friends we haven’t seen in ages. It’s at a house about ten minutes away, and we’d be back by 1am at the latest. DC would be asleep, and we’d obviously make sure they know how to contact us if needed. We have lovely neighbours who’d be in if anything went wrong.

DH says it’s fine, that DSS (12) is responsible, and they’ll just sleep through it anyway. But 9 still seems quite young to be left that late, even if we’re nearby.

Would you do it? Am I being a bit PFB about it, or is DH being too relaxed?

(For context, they’re fine being left for an hour or two in the day, but we’ve never left them this late before.)

TIA!

OP posts:
Montuewed · 03/02/2025 18:03

Winter2020 · 03/02/2025 18:01

We're only weeks after the sentencing of a mum after her 4 children died in a house fire and you are asking this?

https://www.itv.com/news/london/2025-01-24/mother-sentenced-to-10-years-after-deaths-of-her-four-sons-in-housefire

I think it is disgusting that you are even asking.

They are CHILDREN
and should not be alone at midnight
Are you fucking mad!

Get a babysitter or stay home FFS

Read the thread or at least OP updates. She's already said she's going to get a sitter!

FKAT · 03/02/2025 18:03

I definitely would not and I'm at the 'free range' end of the parenting spectrum.

Doggymummar · 03/02/2025 18:03

No way

Winter2020 · 03/02/2025 18:01

We're only weeks after the sentencing of a mum after her 4 children died in a house fire and you are asking this?

https://www.itv.com/news/london/2025-01-24/mother-sentenced-to-10-years-after-deaths-of-her-four-sons-in-housefire

I think it is disgusting that you are even asking.

They are CHILDREN
and should not be alone at midnight
Are you fucking mad!

Get a babysitter or stay home FFS

2025willbemytime · 03/02/2025 18:01

Never in a million years.

Asking a 12 year old to shoulder such responsibility is negligent imo.

Silvers11 · 03/02/2025 18:01

I wouldn't have - even 40 years ago, when my children were around that age, and kids in general were given more responsibility at a younger age than these days. The 12 year old might be ok on their own, if they are sensible and could be trusted - but no way are they old enough to be responsible for a 9 year old. Siblings tend to fight too, if left to their own devices

UsernamePain · 03/02/2025 18:00

No way

Doseofreality · 03/02/2025 18:00

Massively unreasonable to delegate the responsibility of the 9 year old’s wellbeing to a 12 year old sibling, just so you can go to a party.

Moonlightstars · 03/02/2025 17:59

14 and 11 if sensible the fine, this is just too young.

MargaretThursday · 03/02/2025 17:59

No, and I'm fairly relaxed compared to many on here.

15 and 12, yes, if they can be relied on to cooperate.
Not much younger than that though for back after midnight.

OtterlyMad · 03/02/2025 17:58

No I wouldn’t leave them at that age in the middle of the night. But I think your children are old enough that they don’t need “babysitting” as such - there just needs to be an older, more responsible person in the house in case of emergencies. I used to “babysit” for my younger cousins (I would have been 14 or 15, my cousins probably 12 and 10) and my aunt and uncle would bung me £30 to say thanks. Is there a relative or family friend or neighbour like that you could ask?

MyDeftDuck · 03/02/2025 17:57

NO! Definitely not! Too many 'what if's' and to be honest I am surprised you even have to ask OP!

LaPalmaLlama · 03/02/2025 17:57

DreamW3aver · 03/02/2025 17:50

Out of interest what are the risks that you are worried about?

I'm assuming the OP wouldn't be asking if her children regularly wake up during the night and aren't sick or fire staters. . Which risks are higher because there isn't an adult in the house for a few hours?

I'm not saying do it I'm wondering what the actual concerns are

For me it would be fire if they're asleep- mine are both totally drilled in what to do if they catch the kitchen on fire while making lunch so I don't worry too much about them being on their own in the day, but if they were asleep I'd worry about them not making it out if there was an electrical fire.

They'll stay up and watch TV/game together so long as we're back by 11, and we dont go out that much so the odd late night doesnt hurt.

pollyglot · 03/02/2025 17:57

No

OnlyThickBeans · 03/02/2025 17:57

Just get a sitter.

Grammarnut · 03/02/2025 17:56

DreamW3aver · 03/02/2025 17:50

Out of interest what are the risks that you are worried about?

I'm assuming the OP wouldn't be asking if her children regularly wake up during the night and aren't sick or fire staters. . Which risks are higher because there isn't an adult in the house for a few hours?

I'm not saying do it I'm wondering what the actual concerns are

Concerns must be obvious.
Younger child plays up and leaves the house.
Fire.
Intruder.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 03/02/2025 17:56

No we haven't but know lots of people who have. Mine are 14 and 11 now and we've just started leaving them for 1.5 hours 5-6.30pm when we pop out for a quick drink, which they and us are comfortable with.

Careya · 03/02/2025 17:56

It’s unfair to leave a 12 year old in charge of anyone else. Regardless of how the 9 year old behaves. My guess would be that you’d be done for neglect if something went wrong.

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/02/2025 17:56

No!

Original poster
djdran · 03/02/2025 17:55

IsitaHatOrACat · 03/02/2025 17:38

Too young for both I think. Can you get a sitter or have them stay with friends/family?

Bear in mind children do not wake to the high pitched sound of smoke alarms (research shows this)

Thanks for the reply. You’ve got a point about the smoke alarms, I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll look into getting a sitter, or maybe see if one of the grandparents can have them overnight. I just feel a bit torn because they are usually fine being left for shorter periods during the day, but I guess overnight is different. Appreciate the input!

OP posts:
Smashandflab · 03/02/2025 17:55

DreamW3aver · 03/02/2025 17:50

Out of interest what are the risks that you are worried about?

I'm assuming the OP wouldn't be asking if her children regularly wake up during the night and aren't sick or fire staters. . Which risks are higher because there isn't an adult in the house for a few hours?

I'm not saying do it I'm wondering what the actual concerns are

Well, the risk of a fire could be the same.. (unless like you say one of them tried to use a grill or hob or something.. not out of the question at all. My well behaved and sensible DB used to set fire to things and drop them on the worktop when my parents went out!!)

Don’t you see they have nobody to protect them if a fire does break out?! Or if someone does happen to break in just when the parents aren’t there. So it’s not necessarily risks are higher, but leaving young kids alone in case that situation did arise. I certainly wouldn’t be happy to allow my 11yo to be in a position of responsibility if there was some kind of emergency.

GrammarTeacher · 03/02/2025 17:54

Nope. Not a chance.

MummaMummaMumma · 03/02/2025 17:54

My kids are the same age. Absolutely no way in hell would I even consider this. Definitely not!

Grammarnut · 03/02/2025 17:54

I wouldn't and it's illegal anyway. 12 is too young to babysit a younger brother or sister.
Why can't you get a babysitter?

HappyAsASandboy · 03/02/2025 17:54

@CindereIIa out of interest, why wouldn't you want him to go to sleep before you got home?

In my case, one of the 14 year olds went to bed at a normal time (or so they tell me, and they were asleep when I got home) and one came out to meet me at my event at 11pm and helped clear up! Small village, so I have no problem with him walking 10 mins down the road in the dark to meet me.

I really can't think of a time when I'd want the 14 year olds to wait up for me.