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Original poster

Was I rude? (Being told to smile)

129 replies

ElevenBells · 03/02/2025 17:29

Out shopping with DD 8 and waiting in the self checkout queue. Just waiting quietly with DD stood slightly behind me when I spot a man saying something to her. Didn’t quite catch what he said so turned round and DD was looking up at me a bit embarrassed.
Then I heard the man say something a long the lines of ‘go on let’s have a smile then’. I didn’t address him but said to DD ‘you don’t have to smile because a strange man tells you to, just ignore him’. Then went to scan my shopping.
A woman near him commented to him how rude I was. And he responded with something like ‘no wonder the kids that way if she has a mother like that’. As we left the shop DD said I embarrassed her. Feel bad now but I remember being a quiet kid like DD and putting up with requests to smile because apparently little girls need to have a constant grin plastered across their face. Did I overdo it? DD seems to think I did but tbh I’d have liked to say more.

OP posts:
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pinkksugarmouse · 18/03/2026 19:21

He sounds creepy.

I agree with your response it's a misogynistic comment and it's good advice to pass to your daughter.
As for that nosey woman. It was none of business.

Katemax82 · 18/03/2026 19:11

Having spent my entire life getting told to smile I wish it was legal to punch anyone who does this right in the balls (it's normally men)
No one says it to me now of course as I have an air about me that I don't give a shit but I'd love to tell someone to fuck off if they did

NormasArse · 18/03/2026 14:54

The part that stuck out to me was, ‘No wonder the kid’s that way …’

Did he say that loud enough for your DD to hear??

GillianCarole · 30/06/2025 13:43

ElevenBells · 03/02/2025 17:29

Out shopping with DD 8 and waiting in the self checkout queue. Just waiting quietly with DD stood slightly behind me when I spot a man saying something to her. Didn’t quite catch what he said so turned round and DD was looking up at me a bit embarrassed.
Then I heard the man say something a long the lines of ‘go on let’s have a smile then’. I didn’t address him but said to DD ‘you don’t have to smile because a strange man tells you to, just ignore him’. Then went to scan my shopping.
A woman near him commented to him how rude I was. And he responded with something like ‘no wonder the kids that way if she has a mother like that’. As we left the shop DD said I embarrassed her. Feel bad now but I remember being a quiet kid like DD and putting up with requests to smile because apparently little girls need to have a constant grin plastered across their face. Did I overdo it? DD seems to think I did but tbh I’d have liked to say more.

Those people were both rude, not you - how dare they! I used to get this a lot, nowadays I would say 'if my face offends you, don't look at it!'

OwlInTheOak · 06/02/2025 22:18

Thats creepy. I can understand someone talking to a baby in slightly a similar way, such as "aren't you lovely, can I have a smile" as something to say when interacting, but at 8 that's just plain odd.

wholettheturnipsburn · 06/02/2025 22:04

Rude. Not ride. 🤣🤣

wholettheturnipsburn · 06/02/2025 22:03

You weren't nearly as "ride" as I would have been

I'd have told him to fuck off and leave my child alone.

pinkyredrose · 06/02/2025 12:27

mathanxiety · 05/02/2025 23:08

Grown men who are nice do not address children to demand a smile from them.

This man was a pervert.

Show quote history

Bit of a reach to call him a pervert isn't it?

BilboBlaggin · 06/02/2025 11:52

If your DD looked up at you then I'm guessing she's still young? Why do blokes think it's ok to talk to a child they don't know? If this was recent OP then a good opportunity to have a chat with DD about strangers, and not accepting comments like this.

Jasmine82 · 06/02/2025 11:42

This is a real problem for me, I can’t imagine ever walking up to anyone and telling them to smile or cheer up! You never know what people are going through- bereavement, illness, divorce or just a shit life in general. I wish I could turn back time to when I was 21 and just lost my grandad and was ordered to “cheer up ffs” by some sneering random man. I just scuttled away and cried. Things would go a different way now I’m older and wiser but I’ve never forgotten it.

Miaowzabella · 06/02/2025 11:23

tinyme77 · 03/02/2025 18:04

I think that it depends on what he said to her. You missed the whole of the conversation. Sometimes it is nice to speak to strangers. He might have thought that she was bored and that he was being kind.

Er, no, he was not being kind. A man speaking to a young girl who is a complete stranger to him is a creep.

SerafinasGoose · 06/02/2025 11:02

MinnieMountain · 06/02/2025 06:18

If it’s ever said directly to me, I just say “no”.

You weren’t at all rude OP.

I like: 'you first, face ache!'

🤪

wholettheturnipsburn · 06/02/2025 10:35

tinyme77 · 03/02/2025 18:04

I think that it depends on what he said to her. You missed the whole of the conversation. Sometimes it is nice to speak to strangers. He might have thought that she was bored and that he was being kind.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

godmum56 · 06/02/2025 10:18

Ihopeithinkiknow · 05/02/2025 23:50

I hate that some people (usually men) have told me to smile or cheer up.
I was out with my daughter about a week after my son died and we were actually shopping for something to wear for his funeral and yeah we must have looked like a right pair of miserable sods (obviously) and this random bloke told us both to crack a smile and cheer up and I couldn't help myself lol I told him that seeing as we will be attending my 22 year old sons funeral next week we are not in the mood to crack a smile, his face dropped and I honestly felt awful on the way home but funnily enough it did actually make us both laugh when we got in because imagine just innocently telling someone to smile and they drop something awful on you haha my son would have found it funny too.
I do wonder if that bloke has ever said it to anyone else though

I am sorry for your loss and good for you for reacting. I don't think its ever an innocent comment though.

godmum56 · 06/02/2025 10:16

Gloriainextremis · 05/02/2025 23:42

I'd have said that my daughter has been told to ignore strange men.

this.

Somethingsnapped · 06/02/2025 09:33

mantaraya · 05/02/2025 23:37

Why not say it back?

"Why don't you give us a smile? Go on you can do better than that! ...Ah you look much nicer when you smile! Now give us a twirl"

Bet that would shut them up

Love this! Especially the 'give us a twirl' bit.

MinnieMountain · 06/02/2025 06:18

If it’s ever said directly to me, I just say “no”.

You weren’t at all rude OP.

Ihopeithinkiknow · 05/02/2025 23:50

I hate that some people (usually men) have told me to smile or cheer up.
I was out with my daughter about a week after my son died and we were actually shopping for something to wear for his funeral and yeah we must have looked like a right pair of miserable sods (obviously) and this random bloke told us both to crack a smile and cheer up and I couldn't help myself lol I told him that seeing as we will be attending my 22 year old sons funeral next week we are not in the mood to crack a smile, his face dropped and I honestly felt awful on the way home but funnily enough it did actually make us both laugh when we got in because imagine just innocently telling someone to smile and they drop something awful on you haha my son would have found it funny too.
I do wonder if that bloke has ever said it to anyone else though

Gloriainextremis · 05/02/2025 23:42

I'd have said that my daughter has been told to ignore strange men.

mantaraya · 05/02/2025 23:37

Why not say it back?

"Why don't you give us a smile? Go on you can do better than that! ...Ah you look much nicer when you smile! Now give us a twirl"

Bet that would shut them up

mathanxiety · 05/02/2025 23:22

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 03/02/2025 18:54

I wonder if you could have said something a little less confrontational but still put your point across. For example ‘ DD I think your facial expression is perfect just the way it is’ and smile broadly. Then you still sorted it without allowing the man to assume you are at fault.

Edited

Do you not understand that this kind of communication action by the pervy old git had nothing whatsoever to do with the child's face?

The elements of the interaction were:
Asserting ownership of a public place.
Targeting of a child by an adult.
Gender based targeting of a child.
Gender based dominance of a child.
Gender based targeting of a woman.
Gender based dominance of a woman.
Humiliation of a woman.
Humiliation of a child.
Aggression.

In other words - this was a power play based on misogyny.

The OP recognized that, and her response went straight to the heart of the matter. That is why the creep got angry.

The other woman recognized that, too, hence her fawning/ arse kissing response.

mathanxiety · 05/02/2025 23:08

tinyme77 · 03/02/2025 18:04

I think that it depends on what he said to her. You missed the whole of the conversation. Sometimes it is nice to speak to strangers. He might have thought that she was bored and that he was being kind.

Grown men who are nice do not address children to demand a smile from them.

This man was a pervert.

mathanxiety · 05/02/2025 23:07

The man harassed a child.

You should have kicked him in the balls and so should all the rest of the customers.

Tell your daughter she's lucky to have a mother who knows a predator when she runs across one, and teach her she owes nobody a smile.

godmum56 · 05/02/2025 22:16

I just watched tonight's episode of Granchester, very apt.

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