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AIBU?

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Original poster

To refuse to fill in the form

32 replies

Helpmesenmum · 03/02/2025 15:35

Just want to start off with, that I'm a full time carer for our oldest DC, But DH works 40 hours or more a week on minimum wage and we do claim universal credit as a top up (more for help with our rent) and I'm sorry for the long post

Youngest 2 DC go to the same high school and last week they sent a message out saying they were sending every pupil home with the free school meal form. In the message they said that everyone HAD to fill the form in and that there's a deadline for completion (5th of February), I know for a fact that we are not entitled for free school meals because DH earns way over the threshold.

Since the form has been sent home, we have several messages ( at least 2 a day) from the school, either in the app, emails or text messages, reminding us that the form has to be completed and handed in on time. Now normally I always fill in any forms sent home but I don't see why I should with this one, especially as I know we won't be entitled and to me it's a complete waste of resources.

The main reason I'm so annoyed at this is because I have been fighting for support for youngest DC as they have a dyslexia diagnosis and are on the pathway to be diagnosed with ASD and ADHD, so far the school has been an absolute nightmare to deal with, they have taken them off the sen register at school but won't explain their decision on why. I have written several emails to sen manger to ask for a meeting to discuss their reason (DC is at least 3 years behind in spelling and around 2 years behind in writing skills)
But they haven't replied to a single one and when I ring the school to ask to speak to her, there's always an excuse and that they will ring me back but never do.
Now before Christmas I emailed the head to put in a informal complaint as I was fed up with being ignored and completely dismissed when I tried to raise concerns, but I'm still yet to hear anything back, even tho in their own complaints procedure says i should have received a reply within 5 days and meeting in 10 (it's been 6 weeks) I've sent a follow up email asking for a solution and still nothing.

That brings me today, the school rang to see of i needed help filling in the form as it's not been handed back in yet, I told them I'm not filling it in, we aren't entitled to free school meals and I don't see the point in wasting everyone's time plus if they are refusing to meet me half way regarding my DC sen needs why should I meet them half with the form. They said they won't be discussing the sen matter but the form had to be filled in by Wednesday, then hung up.

Aibu not filling in the form, it will probably take me 10 minutes to do, but it would also take them 10 minutes to acknowledge my emails and send a reply. I'm fed up with being ignored, unless it suits their needs

OP posts:
C152 · 03/02/2025 16:40

Completing the form is entirely optional, regardless of what the school may say, so if you don't want to fill it in, don't. It is completely separate to the other issues you are having with them though, so there's no point using that as an argument for not completing the form. Just politely decline.

CarpetKnees · 03/02/2025 16:38

If they are putting this much effort into following up the forms, then I think it is reasonable to presume they are hoping to be able to tap into some other funding, or at least contribute to a campaign to get the threshold for receiving FSMs changed.

I would totally separate this out from the other situation. Of course the person tasked with phoning parent to ask for a form back isn't going to be able to comment on a complaint against a member of staff.

I'm sorry you've not had a response, let alone support from the school. At this stage, it would be reasonable to raise a complaint with the Governors - as much about the lack of responses as the original concern.

However, that has nothing to do with the FSM form. Fill it is in you want to, or don't if you don't. Personally, I would.

Original poster
Helpmesenmum · 03/02/2025 16:37

Ablondiebutagoody · 03/02/2025 15:52

So don't fill in the form. They are only chasing so that kids who are eligible don't miss out.

They can't win. If eligible kids miss out, they will get grief from moody parents. If they chase it up, they also get grief!

They already know the children that are entitled to free school meals.
The my local council informs you when you eligible and sends a reminder every school year (friend is entitled and gets the letter) so there's absolutely no need for the school to do this. Plus why should I meet them half way when they won't do the same for me

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 03/02/2025 16:34

They are hassling about filling in the form because there are usually quite a few parents who are eligible but don't know they are and the school will get extra funding to spend in those students.

If you know you aren't eligible no point filling it in.

Sen is a different issue.

Usually a child is on the Sen register at one of two levels - either has an EHCP or is accessing additional support beyond the classroom. Children move on and off the Sen register quite frequently depending on whether they are currently accessing interventions.

At high school in England at least it's unusual to talk about age related expectations. Children at high school are at a range of abilities and high schools are usually more concerned about whether they are making progress (ie learning things).

Trying to get your child added to the Sen register seems a little misplaced - you might be better off trying to talk to the school about whether they are making progress (learning things) and if not whether they can get any help - eg homework clubs, lunchtime support sessions, dropping a language to do extra maths and English etc. if they get help they'll be automatically added to the Sen register.

user2848502016 · 03/02/2025 16:25

How ridiculous, I wouldn't fill out the form either because I know we aren't eligible for free school meals.

GabriellaMontez · 03/02/2025 15:54

Incredible. There will be so many people who don't fill in the form. They'll be on the phone all day. What a waste of time.

Ablondiebutagoody · 03/02/2025 15:52

So don't fill in the form. They are only chasing so that kids who are eligible don't miss out.

They can't win. If eligible kids miss out, they will get grief from moody parents. If they chase it up, they also get grief!