Page 3 | Husbands says his needs are not being met - I’m 8wpp!

BonniesSlave · 04/02/2025 23:58

Stephanieava · 04/02/2025 01:14

God i feel really terrible at how i’ve made him come across, though i do appreciate the support

the financial side of things, i was using the credit cards for living expenses, things for my eldest & new things for the baby. I am self employed & wasn’t bringing in my usual amount as i wasn’t able to work as much due to HG & severe PGP in pregnancy. He didn’t really ask about the money & i didn’t really tell. He does pay most of the bills but i have my own account for spending & some other bills like dentist, nursery etc

he also isn’t pressuring me into intercourse, he was meaning that i’m not pleasuring him by hand or mouth! He is very involved with the baby, though i do the nights as i am breastfeeding. He does change the nappy, give expressed bottles when he can, looks after baby & allows me time to myself, takes care of our eldest whilst im feeding

my point in all of it was that i think he’s being unreasonable to hold me to a standard when i was 1wpp, mentally unwell (my mh still isnt great tbh as the birth was very traumatic & i’m not healed properly from the section) & performing ‘acts’ because i thought that’s what i had to do at the time to keep the peace- he wasnt forcing me to do this. But now he’s bringing it up asking why it’s stopped

god i dont know. Postpartum is wild, i literally feel like a shell of myself at the minute

Sweet girl. My queen. This man is a piece of shit. I dont know how much else you can bear to hear but you have carried so much that he should have been taking off your shoulders, and now the creature is bleating about his needs. When were your needs last met? When were you able to live without the financial and emotional strain that bringing a whole ass human into the world entails? When were you treated like the goddess you are? When did this specimen even once make you feel adored and secure, without need for reciprocation.

What is really incredible is that we arent seeking revenge for this bullshit. Im
so over their weak asses

DiduAye · 04/02/2025 23:17

He's an abusive bastard For your sake and the baby's leave him It's not going to get better Theres lots of help available Speak to your health visitor as a first step or call Woman's Aid

Atsocta · 04/02/2025 23:05

Ewwk run for the hills
Makes me really appreciate my lovely feller.
But they are out there, took me three attempts to find one though,

Moll2020 · 04/02/2025 22:00

What cave did he come from? Tell him to grow up, you have an 8 week old baby, breastfeeding and he expects intimacy! I’d tell him to grow up or fuck off.

Anonforthis58 · 04/02/2025 21:47

@PregnancyHormonesss thank goodness you’re checking out, as your posts are just horrible!

DollydaydreamTheThird · 04/02/2025 21:43

JollyZebra · 03/02/2025 15:06

What a selfish t*! You've not long had a baby are breast feeding and are pretty tired over it all. Tell him his right hand is not just for lifting pints!

P.S - he is not the priority now you have a baby.

Edited

First post yet again has nailed it. What a self entitled selfish prick. Tell him to go fuck himself literally OP!! Look after yourself and your baby. You can work on the relationship when he starts being a reasonable human being.

Joker01 · 04/02/2025 21:05

Also @PregnancyHormonesss , it’s irrelevant that you aren’t continuing to have sex with your husband when you don’t feel like it. That’s your choice. OP doesn’t want to and she shouldn’t feel like she has to. Just because you feel like you have to do it doesn’t mean she does. No one should ever feel like they have to. I’d be devastated if my husband had sex with me when he didn’t want to. And as I said earlier in this thread, we went longer than 9 months without sex because I had issues post birth that meant I couldn’t. He was amazing and not once did I feel anything other than loved and supported. Intimacy comes in other forms. Saying things like ‘sex means a lot to me’ is bollocks. It means a lot to me too but pregnancy and birth can do serious things to a woman’s mind and body and physically I was unable to. Thankfully my husband is a great man who loves me and was able to wait and support his wife instead. It’s a want, not a need.

Some attitudes on here are as horrific as OPs husbands.

NameChangedOfc · 04/02/2025 21:02

Men like this one make me literally sick. I couldn't emphasize the literally more. I'm sorry, OP, you really don't deserve to be even thinking about this at 8wpp 🙏

2JFDIYOLO · 04/02/2025 20:54

Too many men truly do have an empathy bypass where their dicks are concerned

Joker01 · 04/02/2025 20:51

PregnancyHormonesss · 04/02/2025 20:16

He didnt demand anything after a week. She offered because she messed up and wanted to keep him quiet and happy so she had a great idea to promise him blow jobs… (surprising this has been completely ignored)

again..adding more to the story than has been said

he had a conversation with her about wanting to be intimate, if he thinks she is not able to have an intercourse yet etc he brings up different methods and clearly dont understand why nothing can be done after so long…and he doesn’t understand why everything is being shut down, its been ages, why does she not want to do anything, frustration is building up after a year…

dont get me wrong - i get you might not want to and no is no but after so so long if you still dont want any intimate contact and you dont even consider your partners needs then something else is going on and it needs addressing - such as low libido etc…

if it would be a woman posting and complaining about a year without sex then regardless of how she would approach her husband, i am sure she would get advices to leave because he doesnt care about her needs and not doing anything to address the problem and no one needs to be in a sexless marriage, and how important is to have that intimate contact…(hundreds of threads here!)

yet we have completely reversed roles and double standards 🙄

everyone is looking at it from own perspective.. as i said. I am not up to it myself due to many reasons mentioned already, but i still enjoy closeness with my partner and dont want him to be sexually neglected so at least try to please him once in a blue moon…i enjoy when he is pleased! There will be time when its more often but i cant completely shut down his needs.

anyway. I am going to untick to watch this thread and go back to my life

Show quote history

She did it because she felt like she had to to ‘keep him here’. She ‘fucked up’ because she wasn’t being supported financially with their two children whilst she was ill and unable to work properly. This latter part is both of their faults because she didn’t discuss finances with him but neither did she. And the fact she spent it all on credit cards rather than talk to him is a huge red flag in itself.

Honestly you’re minimising. You think this is just all about a bit of sex but it’s not. And he is pressuring her because she wanked him off 1 week after giving birth because she felt like she had to to stop him front leaving (another massive red flag) he thinks she can just carry on despite her saying her mental health is bad. Because yes, despite her not saying there is anything wrong with her physically, mentally she has repeatedly said she isn’t okay.

Jesus. Fucking honestly.

Starbubble · 04/02/2025 20:49

Why would you not want to pleasure your partner that you love??! Because you’ve given birth 2 months ago after devoting your body to building his child for 9 months and your fing knackered, hormonal, hurting and wondering why the person that’s supposed to support you through a huge milestone in life is behaving like a selfish, manipulative dick!
Not all but i think most women feel more in the mood when they’re being supported, respected and loved maybe point that out to him, that YOUR needs are not being met! Congratulations on your new baby btw xx

DuchessDandelion · 04/02/2025 20:47

WearyAuldWumman · 04/02/2025 20:23

Men do become physically unwell, however. I should imagine that any woman who came on here complaining that her husband didn't feel like being intimate a few months after having heart surgery would (quite rightly) get short shrift.

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They don't generally have continually disrupted and little sleep, breastfeed or child or are often the primary care for a demanding infant while recovering. Nor are they usually dealing with settling hormones.

cookie232 · 04/02/2025 20:46

Same.

JayJayj · 04/02/2025 20:39

Please leave him. He is so selfish. His needs aren’t being met 8 weeks after you have had a baby???? Are your needs being met? I’m guessing not.

Its made me feel really sick reading this so I can only imagine how you are feeling. I’m so so sorry. Please tell your health visitor or doctor.

Do you have family close by? Please don’t keep it to yourself and tell someone.

Laura95167 · 04/02/2025 20:32

Stephanieava · 03/02/2025 14:59

I’ll try to keep this short

I’m currently 8wpp. I had a terrible pregnancy, sickness the entire way & just all round awful. Me & my DH had zero sexual intimacy during that 9 months, plus a couple of months before (beside the obvious) when I was also pregnant but it unfortunately resulted in a loss. Got pregnant again within a month

Anyway, today my DH has sat me down for a conversation telling me his needs aren’t being met & i’m not making his feelings a priority

We had an incident at 1wpp (section) where I had been keeping a secret from him (financial) & he was very cross when I came clean. I said i’d do anything to keep him from leaving & made a joke about BJs everyday etc (god that’s so juvenile). Baring in mind I was 1wpp, & not in the best head space anyway. We had about 2 weeks where I really made an effort… and this sounds awful… it wasn’t because I wanted to, i felt i had to to keep him here. Not that he was pressuring me into it or anything, but i was trying anything to get our relationship back to normal. Which it now feels like it is

My headspace just isn’t in the place of giving sexual favours. I’m still in pain, my boobs are hurting from BF, i’m exhausted, my MH isn’t great etc etc etc

His point is that I was doing ‘bits’ for those 2 weeks, so why was it alright then but not alright now

I said i suppose i see his point, but i don’t want to feel cooerced into doing something sexual when I don’t feel like it. It’s not the first time he’s said this to me though, he also said it when i was pregnant

I suppose neither of us are being unreasonable in our stances, we’re allowed our feelings. But a part of me feels he should swallow them as I’m still only 8wpp!

How can I explain this to him in a decent way?

Hang on. So for him your relationship hinges on sex? Is it ok that he wants to talk about bringing intimacy back? Sure. Is it ok that he's demanding it like a petulant child? No

I don't really understand why when he was understandably angry you kept a financial secret and begged him to stay with BJs, he was alright with that as penance instead of rebuilding trust?

I think you be honest. You're poorly physically and mentally and want to work towards building intimacy too but the BJs everyday was a desperate attempt to show penance and... tbh it's actually putting you off because the pressure to just pleasure him with all the other stuff is breaking you. So you need a little patience and time

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/02/2025 20:24

WearyAuldWumman · 04/02/2025 20:23

Men do become physically unwell, however. I should imagine that any woman who came on here complaining that her husband didn't feel like being intimate a few months after having heart surgery would (quite rightly) get short shrift.

Show quote history

Good point.

WearyAuldWumman · 04/02/2025 20:23

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/02/2025 20:21

The other way around doesn't work in this scenario because men don't get pregnant, don't have difficult pregnancies, don't have miscarriages and don't breastfeed newborns.

It isn't comparable.

Show quote history

Men do become physically unwell, however. I should imagine that any woman who came on here complaining that her husband didn't feel like being intimate a few months after having heart surgery would (quite rightly) get short shrift.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/02/2025 20:21

PregnancyHormonesss · 04/02/2025 20:16

He didnt demand anything after a week. She offered because she messed up and wanted to keep him quiet and happy so she had a great idea to promise him blow jobs… (surprising this has been completely ignored)

again..adding more to the story than has been said

he had a conversation with her about wanting to be intimate, if he thinks she is not able to have an intercourse yet etc he brings up different methods and clearly dont understand why nothing can be done after so long…and he doesn’t understand why everything is being shut down, its been ages, why does she not want to do anything, frustration is building up after a year…

dont get me wrong - i get you might not want to and no is no but after so so long if you still dont want any intimate contact and you dont even consider your partners needs then something else is going on and it needs addressing - such as low libido etc…

if it would be a woman posting and complaining about a year without sex then regardless of how she would approach her husband, i am sure she would get advices to leave because he doesnt care about her needs and not doing anything to address the problem and no one needs to be in a sexless marriage, and how important is to have that intimate contact…(hundreds of threads here!)

yet we have completely reversed roles and double standards 🙄

everyone is looking at it from own perspective.. as i said. I am not up to it myself due to many reasons mentioned already, but i still enjoy closeness with my partner and dont want him to be sexually neglected so at least try to please him once in a blue moon…i enjoy when he is pleased! There will be time when its more often but i cant completely shut down his needs.

anyway. I am going to untick to watch this thread and go back to my life

Show quote history

The other way around doesn't work in this scenario because men don't get pregnant, don't have difficult pregnancies, don't have miscarriages and don't breastfeed newborns.

It isn't comparable.

PregnancyHormonesss · 04/02/2025 20:16

Joker01 · 04/02/2025 19:32

he also isn’t pressuring me into intercourse, he was meaning that i’m not pleasuring him by hand or mouth

Even after reading this, you STILL think his behaviour is okay? Baring in mind her was pressuring her to do this ONE WEEK POSTPARTUM and she went along with it to “keep the peace”. This doesn’t fit your ‘poor man wanting intimacy with his wife’ rhetoric at all.I think she should leave for sure after reading that update. Imagine having to give someone blow job just to keep the peace when you’re mentally struggling and exhausted. There’s a word for that.

A man pressuring his wife for a hand/blow job just wants to orgasm. He doesn’t care about his wife, his relationship or intimacy. He’s went 9 months without because his wife had a miscarriage and medical issues, then one week after she has given birth to his child he’s demanding a wank.

It’s indefensible. He’s not a good person. And if you’re still defending him you need to give yourself a shake.

Edited

Show quote history

He didnt demand anything after a week. She offered because she messed up and wanted to keep him quiet and happy so she had a great idea to promise him blow jobs… (surprising this has been completely ignored)

again..adding more to the story than has been said

he had a conversation with her about wanting to be intimate, if he thinks she is not able to have an intercourse yet etc he brings up different methods and clearly dont understand why nothing can be done after so long…and he doesn’t understand why everything is being shut down, its been ages, why does she not want to do anything, frustration is building up after a year…

dont get me wrong - i get you might not want to and no is no but after so so long if you still dont want any intimate contact and you dont even consider your partners needs then something else is going on and it needs addressing - such as low libido etc…

if it would be a woman posting and complaining about a year without sex then regardless of how she would approach her husband, i am sure she would get advices to leave because he doesnt care about her needs and not doing anything to address the problem and no one needs to be in a sexless marriage, and how important is to have that intimate contact…(hundreds of threads here!)

yet we have completely reversed roles and double standards 🙄

everyone is looking at it from own perspective.. as i said. I am not up to it myself due to many reasons mentioned already, but i still enjoy closeness with my partner and dont want him to be sexually neglected so at least try to please him once in a blue moon…i enjoy when he is pleased! There will be time when its more often but i cant completely shut down his needs.

anyway. I am going to untick to watch this thread and go back to my life

VoodooRajin · 04/02/2025 19:49

ThisFluentBiscuit · 04/02/2025 18:40

It's not just this thread. The language on Mumsnet is really shocking, and I'm not easily shocked. It's so frequent that it comes across as pretty violent and aggressive, and is one of the reasons I post less.

Edited

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And this is what shocks you on this thread!

Joker01 · 04/02/2025 19:32

PregnancyHormonesss · 04/02/2025 09:15

Omg this is just ridiculous. Our replies are based on what we know from OP and not even once she has mentioned she hasn’t physically healed from giving birth and USUALLY 8 weeks is more than enough for that so why can i not assume she is fine but its ok for you to assume she needs more time to heal 😳😳😳
obviously if smth is going on and her body needs more time then its a simple answer but its quite an important thing to mention which she hasnt.
people here just added so much to her story for no reason, calling her husband names, advising to leave, divorce straight away, accusing him ot the worst abuse ever because he wants to have sex after over a year (including 2 months pp)
ridiculous🤷🏻‍♀️
no need to jump on me because i disagree

Edited

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he also isn’t pressuring me into intercourse, he was meaning that i’m not pleasuring him by hand or mouth

Even after reading this, you STILL think his behaviour is okay? Baring in mind her was pressuring her to do this ONE WEEK POSTPARTUM and she went along with it to “keep the peace”. This doesn’t fit your ‘poor man wanting intimacy with his wife’ rhetoric at all.I think she should leave for sure after reading that update. Imagine having to give someone blow job just to keep the peace when you’re mentally struggling and exhausted. There’s a word for that.

A man pressuring his wife for a hand/blow job just wants to orgasm. He doesn’t care about his wife, his relationship or intimacy. He’s went 9 months without because his wife had a miscarriage and medical issues, then one week after she has given birth to his child he’s demanding a wank.

It’s indefensible. He’s not a good person. And if you’re still defending him you need to give yourself a shake.

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/02/2025 19:00

ThisFluentBiscuit · 04/02/2025 18:40

It's not just this thread. The language on Mumsnet is really shocking, and I'm not easily shocked. It's so frequent that it comes across as pretty violent and aggressive, and is one of the reasons I post less.

Edited

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It's shocking? Really?

It's definitely appropriate for some threads. Surely a man demanding blow jobs from his wife who has just had a baby is far more shocking that someone rightly calling him an arsehole or a dick?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 04/02/2025 18:59

ThisFluentBiscuit · 04/02/2025 18:40

It's not just this thread. The language on Mumsnet is really shocking, and I'm not easily shocked. It's so frequent that it comes across as pretty violent and aggressive, and is one of the reasons I post less.

Edited

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It's been sweary since forever. A safe place for grown ups who may have been holding it in all day in front of kids to be as potty mouthed as they like!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 04/02/2025 18:40

PhyllisWallet · 03/02/2025 15:52

Twat, creep, cunt, selfish, repulsive, deranged, pig, vile, coercive, revolting, rapist, grim, twit, nasty, uncaring, abusive, controlling, disgusting, arsehole, dick, horrible.

Really excelling yourselves today ladies 😳

ETA Nob (sp).

Edited

It's not just this thread. The language on Mumsnet is really shocking, and I'm not easily shocked. It's so frequent that it comes across as pretty violent and aggressive, and is one of the reasons I post less.

Titasaducksarse · 04/02/2025 17:08

Honestly....do people behave like this or expect sex like this?