Husbands says his needs are not being met - I’m 8wpp!

It's sexual coercion. Unfortunately you weren't honest and hid a financial issue so he is now punishing you and coercing you into performing sex acts.

Sadly it won't get any better.

He's a sex pest. I wouldn't be in a relationship with him, he sounds awful.

He also doesn't have needs, they are wants.

Anyway, today my DH has sat me down for a conversation telling me his needs aren’t being met & i’m not making his feelings a priority.

But he is not the priority. He needs to understand that.
The baby is the priority.
The baby should also be his top priority now that he is a father.

If he won't accept not being your priority, LTB.

Exactly this! Well written!

His feelings aren't a priority. Your newborn's needs are a priority, and your needs. He does not bloody 'need' a BJ every day from his exhausted pp wife. And why doesn't he want to be a decent human being to the perosn he's supposed to love?

"Not that he was pressuring me into it or anything"
He absolutely is pressurizing you.

He doesn't have 'Needs' he has 'Wants'.

You have 'Needs' because an entire human is reliant on your body for nourishment.

Your husband sounds awful and should be putting you and his child first. He is not a good husband and he is not a good dad.

Before six weeks pp sexual activity is not recommended. Is he so lacking in self-control, respect for you, or even self-respect to be discussing his 'needs' just now?
He could do his own BJ (vacuum cleaner?) - or use his right (or left?) hand to help himself out but a man who did either of these (or watched porn etc) would certainly lose my respect.
Bad husband, bad father.

This would end the relationship for me.

After my last DC I had medical problems. My husband went two years without. He didn’t complain once and I do not believe he cheated (no time). He didn’t nag, complain, or threaten to leave.

This is an issue with your husband. He’s a dick.

What a dickhead (sorry I think I voted wrongly, I wasn’t sure which was which). But yes he’s a horrible selfish arsehole. I’m sorry. Most men understand, this one sounds like a 15yr old.

Sorry op but he's being abusive to think that he can override your feelings in these circumstances. Do you have family you can talk to. What he is doing is not right.

Pls show him this comment.

Because your wife is IN PAIN and EXHAUSTED from carrying, birthing and feeding the EIGHT WEEK OLD baby who is COMPLETELY dependent on her and her body, and until that pain and exhaustion and dependency wanes it's up to YOU to do the heavy lifting when it comes to partner-pleasing. So get over yourself, have a wank, and then try being a fucking MAN and a PARTNER rather than a whiny little arsehole who can't get his leg over.

I don't really think there's any point in the op doing that.
her DH knows she's had a miscarriage then another pregnancy in quick succession, he knows she's had a section and is breastfeeding. He knows she has just made a whole new human that she is trying keep alive. He knows she's knackered because he lives with her.

he still thinks his sexual "wishes" must be fulfilled as a priority over everything else.

he's not interested in her point of view and I doubt he would give a shit what people said on Mumsnet.

Please show him this thread and help him to realise how unreasonable he is. You aren't a machine. Perhaps show him some pictures of birth injuries. Most men don't have a clue.

I was sexually active during pregnancy, but it was 6 months before we dtd after ds arrived. That is not unusual. It takes time to heal, and it has to be right for you too.

Personally I was gagging for it at 8 weeks pp, but I appreciate that everyone is different.

However, my husband would never want me to give him a BJ or otherwise "meet his needs" if I wasn't enjoying it myself or he thought I was only doing it out of some kind of obligation.

He's absolutely vile op.

And he means wants, not needs.

He’s not answering your question. Surely he’s not daft enough to not realise why pleasuring the person you love is not your number one priority when you’ve just had a baby. I am now 100% sure YANBU regardless of the difficulties of living in a sexless relationship when you don’t want to. Is he catering to your every need pp?

Oh god this made me feel quite sick

OP, you don’t need to be meeting any “needs” of his.

Whatever the financial thing was, it wouldn’t be possible for it to be as bad as pressuring a recently pp woman for sexual “favours”. Even theft wouldn’t be as bad as his behaviour!

I’d be making moves to get away from his asap. Anyone this disgusting isn’t someone I would want my child growing up around.

OP I am so horrified I can't even vote, nothing about this is OK. Wouldn't your life be better without him in it?

Honestly I think whether he is being a twat or not depends on how he responded to your final point. I think it’s reasonable he is disappointed that after effectively a year of no sex (for understandable reasons) you seemed keen to be intimate again, and that he asks you why it’s changed.

It is not reasonable if he does not accept that you are only 8 weeks pp and leave it until you are ready.

It was unreasonable that you were only intimate because you wanted to make up for lying to him about a financial decision. If you felt coerced that is a massive problem. If you did it because you genuinely thought it would make him forgive you because you messed up, that’s messed up too.

How was he during your pregnancy?

I feel sick reading this because my ex was exactly the same and I reacted very similarly, trying to keep him happy. So much regret! I wish I had shamed him for being so selfish and immature.

Ask him why he’d want you to have sex you don’t enjoy. Then silently let him squirm while he tries to come up with an answer.

Dump him..I had an ex just like that and I left him, best thing I ever did. Wanted sex on tap when I was busy looking after children. My life is so much easier without him in it.