DH constantly making lewd graphic comments

Yet another sex pest!!

OMG! It's a pity he can't be castrated like a dog that won't stop humping people's legs.

Honestly, he makes Beavis and Butthead sound like Ciceronian orators. What an absolutely disgusting man he is. Surely you can't stay with him?

My ex-DH used to do this, also used to peer down my top when we were having a serious conversation and raise his eyebrows at me. It was like being married to a horny teenager, a serious ick.

He also had a sex and porn addiction.

Presumably, if you're married and you're only just now mentioning this, it's a new development and he hasn't always made these sorts of comments all the time?

To be honest, if you've repeatedly and firmly told him you really hate it and it's not normal, and he keeps doing this, it does sound like he's got something going on mentally. Whether it's related to bipolar or some kind of compulsive condition or some kind of personality disorder that manifests itself in a constant need to shock/get attention, this is not normal at all. Have you told him that you think there's something wrong and that this isn't just gross, but also worrying and weird?

Regardless of what the cause of it is, you do not have to put up with it. It's not just a mildly annoying habit, after all - it sounds like it's making you feel really degraded, which is completely understandable.

For what it's worth, I love dirty talk in bed, sexting, the dirtier the better - but if my partner said the kinds of things you've repeated here, either in bed or out of it, I would be pretty disgusted. It's not even properly sexy stuff, it's immature, schoolboy-level gross-out kind of comments. Really juvenile, off-putting and just disrespectful, especially if he's saying these things just in normal conversation when you're trying to get on with day to day stuff.

You would be more than entitled to leave him. He sounds like incredibly hard work on every level. Sex addiction? Constantly hypersexual comments? Bipolar? Inappropriate stuff in front of kids? Honestly, you're meant to be his wife, not his therapist and support worker. What does he actually bring to the relationship that makes you happy? How does he contribute?

I would never want to have sex with him again.

Any chance he's a secret porn addict?

Stop playing along and pretending this is funny, for fear of being labelled a bore, by who?

This is not banter, your DC father says sexually inappropriate things in front of them. If you continue to giggle along with it, you are complicit.

@CucumberSandcastle if you’ve made it clear you don’t like it, if you’ve made it clear it puts you off him romantically and sexually and he’s been in the process of a MH diagnosis and agrees he may have autism - yet is doing fuck all about any of this… then what does it say to you?

he can’t be arsed dealing with it or it simply isn’t a priority to him.

you face a life time of this if it isn’t dealt with now. Imagine you are both retired and kids have long left home.. just you and him in the house 24/7… can you survive that without planning a new patio constantly?

I loathe 'zany', 'crazy' people. They get away with appalling behaviour.

I'd leave and have nothing to do with him ever again. He sounds disgusting.

I think it's anus as OP put an N in there but could be wrong. Even worse.

@CucumberSandcastle He snickers like a school boy and if I don’t play along I can’t help but feel like I’m being no fun or too serious etc even though I know I’m not.

There’s your problem .. WHY are you playing along with behaviour that’s, quite frankly, disgusting and harmful??

If he doesn't say he wants your sloppy minge in front of the kids, then he can control it.

If he says it in front of the kids, then that is wrong on so many levels.

There is only one outcome to both of the above statements though, and that is leave the filthy pig.

Why are you allowing it?

His off the wall sense of humour and general quirkiness was initially attractive but he definitely goes too far in the things he says. He also thinks (I do too) that he might be autistic.

It is true that "quirky humour" can be an effective cover for quite serious social disabilities. But autistic people can learn to control behaviour that is very obviously inappropriate. Why is he choosing not to?

"I might be autistic" is not a justification. OK, maybe he needs a diagnosis and some proper language therapy or social-skills training. But then he should go get them. He should at least believe you when you tell him that something he said is inappropriate.

One important thing you can do is avoid mixed messages. When he crosses the line don't smile or laugh. Calm flat voice. "That's not funny, it's inappropriate. I want you to say sorry." Every time.

Gross. Dealbreaker. “Stop the disgusting comments or it’s the end of our relationship as it makes me want to avoid being anywhere near you”.

Please protect them. They didn't ask to be in such an environment. It must be so uncomfortable for them.

Yikes that would make my foof close up shop for good.

That's abuse, Op.

And if you don't move them away from him then you're as bad as he is.

So he says this stuff in your house. Where your children could hear?

I can’t understand why you would want to be anywhere near him tbh. He sounds utterly revolting

Oh, and all this he's quirky/not right/might be autistic.... does not excuse him in the slightest. I'm guessing he can control himself at work or in public which confirms this is a nasty sexual kick/control thing just for you 😡

Have you asked him to stop?

Does he say the same type of things in front of the kids, parents, friends?

Because if he doesn't but continues in front of you then he is aware of how inappropriate those things are and can stop, but is choosing not to.

Don't let him use the excuse he can't help it.

Unless of course he is saying things in front of other people, and that's a different problem.

If this is new behavior—like in the last few months—have him checked for a brain tumor. Disinhibition like this is sometimes the product of pressure or damage on part of the brain.

How is his deliberately shocking others going down in his workplace?

When does it go over the line?

It's gone way over the line because you say it has.

Tell him that in order to remain in the relationship you need him to continue seeking support with his mental health/personality disorder/whatever it is that's causing this short wiring in his brain, and stick to your ultimatum.

Your kids are watching this circus, and learning how to adult.