Been found out I can’t do my job. What the fuck do I do now

Oh just to add to my earlier post- remember it’s absolutely normal for multiple people to review a document. If you’re struggling with small errors and typos you can ask someone to proof-read for you (eg a trainee or nq- if you ask them for comments generally you can also give them feedback so it’s a learning opportunity). This is a really standard thing to do. Yes documents shouldn’t be going out with errors but we all know that getting them to that error-free state is often the work of multiple people. There comes a point when you’ve worked on a document for so long you can no longer see what it actually says, only what you think it says, and that’s when a second pair of eyes is helpful.

A lot of mums who were amazing lawyers pre-kids, struggle to return to the same level of devotion, concentration and detail after having kids. It’s not a biological thing, your priorities have changed and you can’t be doing the 16 hour office days you did before. You’re expecting yourself to be back up to speed with less hours to do so. That isn’t your fault that’s an industry fault expecting you to fit 16hrs of work into an 8hour day.

Don’t doubt your ability OP, it may be that you need to move to a more family friendly practice,( commercial isn’t that! ) until you’re able to dedicate the amount of work and time that commercial requires.

you sound like me, my work anxiety/imposter syndrome has gone wild the last 6 months, to the point I feel unable to function, it was following a difficult time in my life. I have been totally transparent with my company and told them the support I need and the actions I am going to take (I’ve been there 10 years, doing a similar role so they fully support me). Like you it’s been making me sick, from the moment I open my inbox to the time I go to bed. It’s so hard, I understand - can you find a mentor, a coach, counselling, anything. It’s not your ability, it’s your mind holding you back. Sending love, it’ll get better, it will x

Small mistakes happen. A good manager would support you, coach and mentor you back to your best. Not beat you when you’re down.

Do not allow someone to make you feel like you are stupid or have lost skills. Get some therapy or a mentor or something. You need a positive voice advocating for you!

I would recommend getting a mentor.

Seconding all the advice about looking after yourself (and not beating yourself up for normal mistakes!)

Your workplace doesn't sound very supportive; it sounds like the kind of place where you have to fight to retain any confidence rather than grow it.

Looking for new jobs can be hugely stressful and is a specialism in itself these days. I suggest applying to jobs as practice as a start and initially not taking it too seriously. (As self-protection. Job hunting can be brutal, especially if you're already prone to self-criticism). But I do think you need to gradually build a path/express way/yellow brick road for yourself away from your boss and pressure-cooker company.

I failed around nine/ten interviews last year. I finally got a job offer last week.

Good luck. 🌻

Sorry you're feeling so frazzled, OP. There is a fabulous charity called LawCare who offer a confidential helpline for people experiencing wellbeing issues. It's staffed by people who are or were in practice and could be a good place to chat through some of what you're experiencing. If you google them l'm sure their site will come up.

While it may partly be a confidence issue, I hate to say you just do get very unsupportive women out there. If she’s decided you’re not up to it, it’ll be very hard to overcome. I went back to a high stress job after 2nd DC and was almost immediately disciplined and generally picked on. If she’s childless she’ll be frustrated or jealous, if she has kids ‘no one’ will have helped her ‘and she’s ok, look, so why can’t you be?’ So predictable. Personally, I’d move/retrain/get out before your MH is hot even more xxx good luck op

You CAN pull it together. You are experienced and know how to do your job.

You need to get out of the doom spiral. Get organized with a daily priority list, and really take the moments to double check everything.
Begin day with the list, prioritize A, B & C
get thru the day & add, and strike off.
End of day, prioritize it again do you have in your head the next days work.
Do this on paper.

Proof read is essential - do you have a PA that you can lean on for proofing?

Do not socialize or chat at work (unless absolutely necessary), it’s a time killer. That’s for people with no kids!

You know this job. You can do it.

have a list for home too

Also - people make minor mistakes. Even really good lawyers. Anyone who says minor mistakes are a “really big thing” hasn't worked in our industry. It is fast paced and loaded with pressure. You’re not a junior conveyancer getting a road name wrong, you’re reviewing complex legal documents that require hours of attention and you’re focusing on small mistakes and not big wins. Brush yourself off and keep your head up.

Ok take a deep breath. Sounds like manager is shit. Do you have any female partners you could approach for advice? I had the same after having my first child (I didn’t have it with my second) - the only thing that worked for me was being honest with the people around me and then really hunkering down and working hard. Only you know if you have that energy in you - and it’s totally fine if you don’t.

I had to leave at 4pm for the nursery run some days - I would start reminding people hours in advance, block out my calendar (I still do this) and work all evening when my kid was in bed. It wasn’t pretty. It was worth it. I’m now a partner in a biglaw firm. It gets better, I promise.

OP, I think there's quite a lot going on here. the first is that you clearly DO have the skills if you've made it this far, BUT... you are making mistakes you shouldn't. Getting names wrong is just completely unacceptable, particlarly for a relatively senior and experienced lawyer. And while I have no idea what other "minor" mistakes you're making, I don't think you should underestimate the fact that you ARE making mistakes.

So you have to ask yourself why you're doing this? My guess its some combination of struggling to adjust post maternity leave and the stress of a new manager (which might be exacerbated if he's a bit of a misognist dick which, lets face it, is highly likely).

In private practice, I'd go talk to HR first. You need to lay out why your'e struggling. if you have agreed hours and/or flexi time and it's not being supported, that needs to be addressed. If you're struggling, at 12 years, I'd expect the firm to be invested in helping you to get back on track after the massive investment they've already made in your professional development. Lots of firms have post- maternity leave coaching or even just general coachingm/mentoring for women or lawyers at a certain stage in their careers.

You are no less competent now than you were before. It sounds like you are having a crisis of confidence, possibly brought on by trying to find a balance between being a corporate lawyer and a mum. And your manager nitpicking isn’t helping.

Please don’t doubt your professionalism but maybe speak to somebody who could help you pick yourself back up and find that balance between mum and lawyer. Perhaps a corporate psychologist or mentor?

I wish I could be that fussy... it's rare I've not had to correct work done for me by a solicitor.. hell, in my split, both sides missed that they'd got my eldest's date of birth wrong.

Take some sick leave.

Go to your GP and ask for a complete blood panel.

You especially need your thyroid hormone levels checked, as well as vitamin D levels, but all other indicators need to be checked too. You may be entering peri menopause.

Get therapy to work on your confidence.

If you've never had feedback or you've never felt like this before then it's bullying.

I had a bullying manager and because I'd never experienced it before I questioned my ability. My ability was very good, she was just threatened

It's good that you've recognised it. Is the company large enough for a managed move? Do you have internal or external contacts who could advise you about roles?

You sound unwell with the stress so maybe go to the doctor to get signed off.

Obviously not fab if she spelled someone's name wrong! That's actually a really big thing, not a small one. I wouldn't trust a solicitor who didn't have the attention to detail to check they'd got my name right because god only knows what they'd miss in complicated stuff.

It's a red flag if you see it as a small mistake and think you're being picked on about it. Because it's important.

OP you need to take a step back and think about what you need. Are you trying to juggle too much overall, or do you just need a career change? Have a look at some job listings online and see what sounds interesting to you.

Law is a small field. People talk. I wouldn't want a reputation for causing trouble. Better to leave on good terms

I have had times like this (not a solicitor, but c-level in a male dominated industry with no boundaries)

Everything Lilactimes says.

What's helped me:

I've tried various food things - my kids are older, so are more (or perhaps differently) opinionated on what they'd eat, but when I'm drowning, I fall back on meal planning with fixed meals every day which I just load up in the freezer/fridge and just not having to think about takes a massive load off, and no shame buying in or getting takeaway because it's just too much on any particular day.

I have fixed things I do on particular days - eg. Sunday I iron my eldest's shirts for the week, Tuesday I do the food shop, Saturday I clean the kitchen (and I just let it be during the week). By having it in a routine, I don't even have to think about it any other day - any looming task, I just pencil into the routine so I stop having to remember it.

Calendar. Everything goes on the calendar. If it's not on the calendar, it doesn't exist.

Have some fun still. Eg. last year I spent every weekend for a month working on my youngest's halloween costume with him. Sure, housework fell behind, but we had a lot of fun, and I got a genuine sense of achievement from it.

Try and get some fresh air when you can. I'm guessing it's not easy at your job, but when I've been drowning, just getting 10 mins at lunch, or going and sitting on the back doorstep with a cup of tea Sunday morning. Just stopping and taking a breath, even for a couple of minutes.

I’ve struggled to leave on time for nursery runs etc Honestly, I think the role you're currently doing just isn't compatible with leaving at 5pm for nursery pick up

I'm being criticised all the time. Little things like spelling an unusual name wrong etc Hmm, I'd say that names are very important and attention to detail is vital, especially when clients are paying £££ for a service

Impossible for posters to know whether this is imposter syndrome, an unsympathetic boss, or whether this role just doesn't suit you

I've walked in your shoes (broadly similar) and it was very stressful indeed. I changed direction within my own field and totally love what I do now. So, you may need a more drastic solution than moving to do the same job in a new firm

The pay in local government legal is so dire they are struggling to recruit even newly qualified. A 12 years PQE would be snapped up. It’s so flexible as that is the only way they can recruit and retain staff. Mostly female and very supportive atmosphere. It’s whether you can survive on pay it once dc at school and no nursery fees.

It sounds like you rightly or wrongly feel that you are not performing well in your current role. A fresh start might be good for you.

If you feel that the whole interview process is overwhelming, perhaps start by speaking to a recruiter and applying for a couple of roles without pressure or expectations. Don’t focus too much on getting the job, but on finding out what’s out there. After a couple of ‘practice’ interviews, your interviewing skills will be up to date and you’ll have a better idea of what a new role could offer.

Staying in a role where you feel you’re not performing well and there’s not much opportunity to advance won’t help your self esteem or career.

oh well. I am a lawyer of over25 pqe. rarely post. oh my!!! THIS!!!!!

@q1056 op start right here! start with what YOU can change right now. if I had decided to post, it was this and only this, I would have posted. good luck.

Hi,
I felt similar when I returned to my job after mat leave. I was rock bottom confidence, mood and mental health. I left that job to where I am now and it was like a switch clicked overnight and I'm back to my old self.
I'd think it's not so much you, as the company you've gone back to. Maybe look at other jobs and take a chance on you.
Wishing you all the best 😊

Hi @q1056

I am a single mum, also worked full time for 20 years in a tricky client facing industry.

I am so so sorry you’re going through this. It will get better. You are clever and bright - and you are struggling because you’re tired, life is hard and you’re panicking. It’s not because you can’t do your job - pls believe that xxx

First - get an appointment with HR. Beforehand prep in detail the elements which have made you feel insecure and make a complaint and say that you feel you’re not being supported and there is an element of misogyny about the complaints. Say this is what you feel and ask them for suggestions to support you.

Second - don’t leave yet until you have a plan. It will be difficult for them to get rid of you - as you have been there a while. They will need to carry out a full disciplinary process and then a hearing which they haven’t even started yet or give you a big pay off and an NDA. Resigning or quitting is not what you need to do at this stage - as some of this may be in your head because you’re so exhausted.

Third - can you get more help around home or with childcare? I used to pay someone to collect my DC from nursery a couple of days a week so I could really work without worrying about leaving for a pick up at least 2 days a week. You may need that person to continue to help with school pick ups so could be an attractive offer of regular work for someone? I had a young women who ended up working for me for 6 years who collected from nursery and then from school. It was a life saver. I also worked for many years from 9pm til midnight catching up, planning the next day and reading over stuff. You are in a very difficult age which will get better in the early years of school if you have the right support in place by then.

Fourth - self care - including stopping scrolling. This causes brain fog and procrastination. Really try and limit that. Use any spare time to think and plan for you… try and get phone use right down just for messaging close friends and family.

Five - look to move client side by end of year maybe??? Still hard but at least you’re not client responsive all the time and jumping through hoops.

Six - ensure you’re as organised as you possibly can be in the home. From a cleaner who also washes and irons, regular weekly slot for online delivery that you never change just update the evening before; dry cleaner may deliver stuff back to you (mine did as a favour); birthday cards and presents in a stash at home for your DC age group ; and try not to over schedule wherever possible at weekend so you have some downtime.

This will pass… I promise … you’re doing the hardest thing - sending lots of love x