Been found out I can’t do my job. What the fuck do I do now

You have a great qualification, a solid track record and a shit of a boss - you can definitely get another job!

Would you think about civil service or other public sector work, eg a regulator, while your child is little - more family friendly, and possibility of reduced hours.

It's hard to juggle, but you should be proud of yourself, some managers, all dickheads by the way, think that a single parent can never be fully committed to their job, and will try to undermine you. I had a boss who used to call me in for pointless chats at 5.30pm most evenings, so I was forced to say at 5.40 that I had to go to get to the childminder. Everyone else might have clocked out at 5.30, but I was, according to him, a clock watcher.

I think you're working for someone like this, who is corroding your self-confidence. It's not you, it's them, but still a good idea to leave.

Go to a couple of law agencies and ask them to set up some interviews for you- clearly your current position is not a good fit.
You are 12 years qualified, you have this , don't worry.
You could even confide in someone at one of the agencies, I'm sure you are not alone in feeling like this after returning from maternity leave.
The law is still a very male dominated profession, trying to get into that headspace, after being at home for months is tough, but you can do it, you had enough intelligence and ambition to qualify and make a living, you can return to it.
Getting names wrong is such a tiny mistake-ignore comments like that, maybe you could consider an assertiveness course- or equality (see it from the other side!). I would definite build a little confidence then move, your boss is clearly not the type to be supportive.

Following as I’m in exactly the same position! I’m 7 PQE but feel useless since coming back from my second mat leave. My manager has changed and my new manager wants almost weekly meetings where she picks holes in everything that I’ve been working on. To all the people speaking about in-house roles: how did you go about finding them? I’m only used to dealing with recruiters for law firms

Oh OP I really feel for you. I am a Solicitor who is 13 years pqe, working in corporate/commercial and also a single mum. I have been a single mum since my baby was only a few weeks ago. I struggled with working full time and looking after my baby for the whole first year after my maternity leave. It was so so difficult. I was so tired and frazzled all the time that it started to affect my work and my boss and everyone noticed. My boss pulled me on loads of issues all the time and I was being watched like an hawk! It got to the point that I was completely riddled with anxiety. I wasn’t sleeping and lost loads of weight. I literally couldn’t think straight and like you thought I couldn’t do the job anymore. I didn’t realise it at the time but I was completely burnt out. I ended up going on sick leave and was off work for 4 months. In that time I gained a lot of perspective and realised my job wasn’t going to work with me as a single mum. Thankfully I applied and got another job inhouse with a great company that allows and values flexible working. I now have a lovely manager and lovely work colleagues and have the freedom to do child care pick ups and drop offs, work from home several days a week and just organise and manage my own work myself. My advice to you would be take time off on sick leave and focus on you. Then apply for inhouse roles. They are sooooo much more flexible and accommodating to parents than private practice. Good luck!

Keep changing jobs until you find whatever suits you and allows you to keep the job at the job and the home life at the home

you are a single parent - DIFFICULT
You are also highly qualified

I would suggest moving sideways into something less full on and less stress, maybe less hours as well if you can.

Single parenting and super high pressure jobs don't mix (I speak from experience).

Doesn't mean go work in macdonalds but find something you can do more on your own terms - perhaps a less heavy part time job for less money - or your own business perhaps? Flexible?

Good luck OP I know how hard it is!

Can you pay for someone to help with your child - maybe wraparound care, to do drop offs and pick ups, clean up etc. - just to take some of the pressure off? It would give you some breathing room. The other option is to move to an in-house, government or regulatory role where the pay would be much less but the hours a lot better, just while your child is young. It's a well worn path.

I’m not suprised you are struggling it’s a high pressure role.
id suggest you update linked in and add the open to offers and let some recruitment agencies find you.
update your cv. Get a professional to write it if necessary.
reach out to anyone you know in other law firms.
nit sure what area you are in but maybe Kent Essex solicitors rather than London city.
4 days a week is more than enough.
if your are in litigation then try insurance loss adjusting.
good luck maybe book few days off work or go sick to get these bits sorted x

When I had post natal depression I used to wake up every morning feeling sick and terrified, I was convinced I was talking rubbish and not making sense. Please speak to your Gp, you need support and help before you become completely overwhelmed, be kind to yourself and your little one🥰

Sounds like you’re feeling unsafe at work. Your boss should have made your transition back to work much more comfortable for you. It’s so hard returning to a full on job.

I experience this from time to time, it’s off the scale around my period when I feel like I have a tumble weed blowing through my mind.

Write things down during the day that you’re struggling with. Make it specific. On reflection, you might find that there isn’t that much on paper but it’s more around the possibilities of things going wrong.

Having people at work who make you feel safe goes a long way. It’s hard when you feel alone. You’re having a wobble that’s all. You can do this. You’ve been doing it for years! One day at a time. Keep a journal and reflect on each day. X

Exactly this!

Oh OP, I have been where you are (although my children were a little older and I wasn’t a single parent).

It’s called burn out. You can’t see the wood for the trees, your cortisol levels are through the roof and you have a constant, anxious feeling from the moment you wake up until you finally fall asleep. You can feel it all the time in the top of your chest. Sound familiar?

The first thing to do is start exercising. You need something to burn the anxiety and cortisol. Spinning, boxing, something like that. Get a babysitter for an hour a couple of times a week and do that. It will clear your head and improve your sleep.

The next thing to do is do your CV. Spend a few weeks working on it and perfecting it. Get a head hunter from a strong legal recruitment agency to help you with it.

Then start reaching out to all the good legal recruiters on LinkedIn. DM me if you want some names of London based people.

But remember this, you are in burn out. This is common. And you are not being supported where you are. You need to move on, but in your own timeframe. You are good at your job. Having a baby didn’t stop you being good at your job. You have years of training and experience under your belt. You deserve a new start and you will succeed.

Also a lawyer. I would move from commercial into a less stressful environment with less hours.

Hi OP, working FT and single parenthood/juggling all the balls is totally exhausting. That doesn't include the emotional turmoil that is a result of your circumstances/relationship breakdown. You clearly need support. Do you have close friends/family to help? You sound like you are heading for a breakdown.
When you are in that state, everything feels muddled/frazzled and constantly questioning yourself.
Please take care of yourself, as best you can. Please seek support

Oh and just to add - everyone makes little slips with spelling. Even the managers that moan - some have peculiar grammar too. They likely know they’re kicking you whilst you’re down and that’s totally shitty of them. You’ve 12 years PQE and that’s amazing and should put you in good stead for a senior associate position.

I work in same role as you. It’s very tough and few firms are accepting of child care hours needed (in fact I’ve worked at some firms where they say they encourage work life balance but when you start there they’re absolute f*ckers of the highest order).

Your confident has been knocked. If they keep making little digs it won’t get better. When I was in a not too dissimilar position I knew I had to leave and that’s exactly what I did. My confidence was rock bottom and I felt like a Dunce with a capital D.

Guess what: new firm, new colleagues, new work sources = bloody amazing. I found my confidence, I have been churning through work and, whilst it’s busy, I’m at a firm where the team are genuine in having each others backs, with a supportive manager who does not micromanage but is there when you need them.

There’s some very good agencies that can help you find a new place of work - and I generally check out Rollonfriday to get little gems of info about the companies I’m looking at.

Where about are you based (I know a really good job agency based in northwest - before I transferred up to north east - they will give you the lowdown on what’s expected from a wfh pov and what their firm is like in terms of benefits.

There's a few things here:

1. Stop being so hard on yourself. When a mistake is pointed out, say oh yes, I'll correct that. Even the grossest of negligence claims are fixed with insurance payouts and you are far too diligent to ever need that. Everyone makes mistakes, try to hone your rhino hide.
2. You need someone on your side and your manager is not it. Get on LinkedIn and get connected with some female lawyer networks. There are several, they are incredibly supportive and are great signposts to better opportunities and a better culture.
3. Make a plan to get out of this job - but give yourself adequate time. Get a CV together, I would also get a coach to help you target the best next move, appraise CV and coach interview technique. Even if you put the cost on a credit card it's worth it.
4. Consider in house. You have the perfect background - the hours are better, there are less corporate psycho types and it's all round less pressured.
5. Know that as your little one grows up they take less of your energy so that gets easier too.
6. If you need sick leave for stress take it but know you need to start finding that alternative job, and a story about time out to be with your child for when you re enter the job market. 7. Back yourself, ensure your internal monologue is on your side.

You can become a really well paid paralegal - some London firms pay paralegals a lot! Temporarily, obviously! Or even a specific project paralegal - they often recruit just for one big litigation, for the duration. Be kind to yourself. You are already qualified, you are not chasing a training contract - just a temporary stopgap! And when things settle a bit, back in you go as a solicitor - people will understand.

I was also going to sugguest looking at public sector employers - civil service, local authorities, arm's length bodies; and pseudo-public like Network Rail, water companies, utilities. I work for an arm's length body - all our solicitors, make and female, have come from private practice for a better work/life balance. Less pay, more flexibility, shorter hours. I also know a couple of local authority solicitors, who moved to the public sector after maternity leave.

I agree @q1056 this sounds like you’re anxious and struggling, and need some sick leave to recover. Could you then think about asking to move teams within the business perhaps?

You are confusing separate issues. Not spelling someone's name or an unusual word correctly is not ok, check more carefully now you know this is an issue.
Not being able to leave on time, needs reporting higher. And just leave. Just do it. Saying he doesn't want women to progress, what exactly do you mean by this, how has this presented itself if he's your new boss?

There are a number of organisations that run returners programmes for lawyers who have taken a career break and are struggling with their confidence/interview skills etc. That might help?

Property solicitor in the same boat. Mum to a just turned three year old. But my boat is sinking a bit faster than yours, I’ve actually
made a big mistake and nothing as minor as spelling. It’s hard isn’t it.

If you've been working for 12 years I don't imagine for a minute you 'can't do your job' and mat leave does not mean your skills vanish. It does sound like you have a bullying (and sexist) micromanager, though, and should look for a new job.

When you have a crappy boss, it definitely makes you make more mistakes - I was an editor and had a manager like this and I was so relieved when I read the memoir of a famous editor who said that when she had a hyper-critical manager she made more errors because she was on edge.

I agree with PPs you should get some help with your confidence, and start looking for new jobs. This definitely sounds like a manager problem, and not a 'you' problem.

Returning from mat leave is hard. Working in law is hard. Being a single parent is hard. You can do your job, but you are going through a tough patch.

Don't beat yourself up. I agree you should go and have a chat with your GP. Please also set up some calls with recruiters. There are lots of options out there for you. In house, government work, PSL, different firm still in private practice but with more family friendly partners.

Do you have any support IRL? You need to carve some time out for looking at your options. If there is someone who will look after DC for an hour or two once a week you could spend that on nothing but looking at other job options. You'll feel better from taking some positive steps.

Good luck 💪