Been found out I can’t do my job. What the fuck do I do now

Honestly go in house/public sector. WFH/flexibility. Being able to see dc in assembly/sports day, drop and pick up from school, more holidays. You are probably paying out a lot to keep afloat in present role so even if on first glance the salary is poor with lower overheads it may be doable.

There are different kinds of doc review projects and the hourly rate varies depending on the firm and agency involved (with HSF paying the best rate ime) but usually it involves disclosure exercises in large litigation projects. If you're familiar with Relativity - it's basically reviewing and tagging documents on Relativity. Zero stress or responsibility 😆 and usually they are WFH projects (although some are hybrid).

OP (and anyone in her shoes) - I’d recommend Liz McGlone of DID Law - I’ve referred all sorts of employment law matters to her, including colleagues exiting the business where I’m GC, and taken her advice personally. I think she’s great.

Asking for a friend 😂

@XelaM what is it, outsourced due diligence?

Document review projects are your answer if you want a super low-stress life. They are well-paid and involve zero stress and minimal responsibility. Agencies like Michael Page have some great long-term projects with MC and SC firms on.

OP, you sound like me. I'm also a lawyer in a corporate-related area, 8PQE with young DC. Absolutely hate my job, don't get on with colleagues, I'm so inefficient and poor at what I do, so easily distracted, waiting to be put on performance review.

I actually got a public sector job lined up for myself this time last year, went to hand in my notice and my manager told me I'd be silly to take a pay cut and go for reduced seniority as I was such an asset to the team etc. Looking back I think most of this came from the fact that a partner had just left our team and they were already having headaches over recruitment. I stayed for the money, cut down my hours and it's all the same/worse a year on. Absolutely wish I had taken the plunge last year, hoping a similar job comes up again and I can go for it, but really worried I might not get an offer again or that I get put on performance review or even have to go off with stress before I can do it again.

If my firm were offering voluntary redundancies at the moment I would grab it with both hands, as in the thick of everything I'm finding it very hard to imagine doing any job at all and being happy.

Sorry, not much help, just sympathy and a cautionary tale I guess.

@eurochick your post really resonated with me and I think that's absolutely spot on - in my case the individuals in question were clearly crap managers, plain and simple. There should be a support / networking group for lawyers who've had rubbish experiences with managers / senior colleagues!

@q1056 that is awful if HR knew about the issues and impact on your health and failed to take action - even more ammunition for negotiations!

It sounds like you'd like to keep the sick pay / exit strategy plan in your armoury and see how it goes in the meantime. Sounds wise and hopefully just knowing it's there as an option might help you feel a bit more prepared and able to manage discussions about any additional support required etc.

The only thing I'd say is to keep an eye on how you are doing health-wise, because you may ultimately be better off gaining early control of the situation and taking action to negotiate an exit package now, rather than wait until you are really forced into a corner with a capability process and may be even more stressed / find it harder to fight back. I'd suggest speaking to an employment solicitor anyway so you can line them up if needed in a few weeks / months!

Does also seem sensible to have a look for alternative roles and do linkedin / recruiters as others have said, that way you may be able to leave more amicably and 'normally'. One of the downsides for me of my exit deal was the sudden cut off / my disappearance from the Firm which was a bit odd, although I don't regret it as I'm so glad to be out, and I'm still in touch with the people who matter (albeit can't tell them the details)!

Same.
I thought I had early onset dementia but turns out it was perimenopause. It's inexplicable to how much our hormones affect us

This is not an uncommon situation in law firms. But that doesn't make it any less shit to live through. The problem is that people get promoted in law firms because they are good at brining in business (or get lucky and have a good book of business land on their desks), not because they are any good at managing. Lots of people managing teams in law firms are absolutely terrible at it - micromanaging and demotivating their people.

You sound burnt out. I think a change could be good. In-house might work well and you have a good practice area for making that switch. Or even another firm. I was speaking with a former colleague recently and she said "I thought I couldn't work in private practice anymore but I've realised it was just firm x that I couldn't stand. I'm really enjoying it at firm y." She had quit firm x without a job to go to as she couldn't take it any longer.

My advice would be to start looking on LinkedIn to see what is out there at the moment and see if any former colleagues can recommend a recruitment agent to work with. A lot of them are utter sharks but a few are really helpful so a personal recommendation would go a long way. I can recommend someone who specialises in placing senior women if you PM me.

I was a law firm partner and got out a few years ago. I encountered various narcissistic/ micromanaging/self-interested / politics playing terrible managers along the way. I can feel the burn out from working with these idiots oozing from your posts. Get out, move on. You won't regret it.

You're feeling overwhelmed at the minute. Slow down & breath. Has your Boss said anything about your work performance? If not then you must be doing ok. If they're picking up on things ask for a meeting & get to the bottom of where you're underperforming or what you need to improve on. Let them know you're struggling at the moment & ask if there's anyway you can update your skills, ie courses, shadowing a Colleague etc. Don't let this go on too much longer as it will definitely impact your MH & make you feel worse. Speak with your GP too as you may need medication for depression or anxiety to help you through it & get back on track.

Do you have anyone you can ask to help with Nursery runs if you're unable to get away on time? If you contact your local Council they will have a list of Childminders in your area that may be able to help.

I had this but with a mentor not a manager, similar in scenario though. She just didn't take to me and jumped on everything about me, the way I sat down, the way I put a book at the wrong angle. It starts off were you can laugh it off but it totally ground me down. At it's worst she was ranting about me in front of a whole office. I used to be full of confidence.

I took a slight pay it but it has now evened itself out. My hours are 9-5 and I don’t have to work a second over. I do 2 days in the office and 3 from home. On the 3 days from home I can do childcare drop offs and pick ups no problem. On the two office days I go in late and leave early due to childcare with no issues, as I submitted a flexible working request once I started. We get 30 days annual leave + 10 bank holidays so it’s much more generous in terms of flexible working and time off. Inhouse is an absolute dream compared to private practice, I would never go back to private practice for all the money in the world!!

There is a team of 9 of us in my in-house legal team which is quite big compared to most, but we all each do our own area of law. I find inhouse much easier as the company is your client and your business colleagues that you are advising our experts in their field and you are just keeping them right legally. A lot of it I am totally winging, you’re not expected to know everything just so long as you can give advice you will be good.

When I took time off on sick leave it was only supposed to be 4 weeks and ended up being 4 months! I had no idea just how much I needed the down time to recover. So please try it and take some time to yourself to get back on track. When I was on sick leave I realised how toxic my work was and decided I wasn’t going back. I had the freedom to apply for other jobs and interview elsewhere. I didn’t tell my new job I was off on sick leave and my previous job didn’t mention it as it’s not allowed, as that would be discrimination! So don’t worry about that it all.

Get a doctors note asap for stress and anxiety and take some time off, then when your off start brushing up on your cv and look for inhouse roles. You’re lucky your experience is corporate/commerical because that is ideal for inhouse roles! That’s basically what they are all seeking experience wise.

Whether they'd offer 6 months net pay would really depend how they viewed the situation, and whether they thought there was a risk of you successfully claiming constructive dismissal or generally kicking up a stink (grievance etc). They may well go for 6. However, as a rule of thumb I'd expect they'd go for at least notice (I'd expect 3 months?) which would either be paid in lieu, or as garden leave, plus perhaps another month ex gratia payment (which would be tax free).

What you have to remember is that if there is a genuine capability issue (not saying there is but if that's how they are perceiving it, or if you feel so stressed / unwell now that you it could develop into that), then it would become an HR headache for them having to go through the motions with you and ensure they are doing capability procedures correctly and fairly - employers often cock up and managers are often too busy to want to deal with it. If you raised a grievance they'd also hate having to deal with that. This all gives you leverage as they would rather have a clean break and not risk any claims / hassle.

Definitely speak to an employment lawyer - most offer a free initial call and they will be happy to talk through your options. If you go down this route they can help you make a settlement approach in writing (i.e. draft it for you to send), or help you ask for a protected conversation to discuss the situation in a meeting (they wouldn't attend that but can give you pointers as to what to say). This may also in turn lead to a settlement offer.

4 managers since you came back is chaotic - no wonder you're stressed - especially when managing the general single mum juggle and experiencing confidence eroding management styles. Excluding from pay reviews sounds off too. Definitely enough to work with here for a settlement approach. If you have any long term MH issues and feel unsupported that would also be very relevant and would likely help get you a settlement.

I know some have said speak to them about it first and see if that helps. That might work. But I in my experience solicitors know what's going on and sometimes for various reasons get a set idea about someone that they then won't shift. I guess it also depends whether you would ideally prefer to stay there long term, if this is a blip that could be sorted out. From what you've said it sounds like maybe this firm is all over the place, and so I'm not sure that's the case.

Sounds to me like you've been unlucky, but also perhaps you would find things easier to manage generally elsewhere, either another firm or in house. For example, at least in house, even if you had complex new work you were less familiar with you wouldn't have the constant pressure of billing, time recording, bringing in work, BD initiatives etc, and you could dedicate more time to brushing up and learning. One thing I would check though is what the internal support networks are like - there are often buddying schemes / online networks in bigger organisations, or you may have a decent supervisor allocated.

As for worrying about sick leave - I wouldn't. Some employers just go by the employment reference (which will 95% of the time only refer to dates of employment and role) so would never even ask or know about it. Bigger firms or organisations may well ask you to disclose any sickness absences within say the past 12 months on a health questionnaire, but this should only be sent out after you have received a job offer. You would need to disclose it but just be brief but open about the reason. If it is linked to a disability (i.e. long term MH issue) then they'd have to discount that as disability related sick leave anyway (unless it was a shocking amount e.g. years). I have long term health conditions all of which I disclosed, and the jobs that asked about it were not put off by it at all.

One tip - when getting signed off sick by your GP it would be better for them to include 'anxiety' or 'depression' rather than just 'stress' - as those are more likely to be considered disabilities than stress (they wouldn't be disabilities unless they were long term and substantial conditions, but a new employer would prob be more wary about raising any issues with it as they sound more legit than just 'stress').

If you only had a couple of months off due to anxiety, then I'd be really surprised if you had job offers withdrawn on that basis. It'd help if you can explain a narrative for why you became anxious for that set time about an issue, and how it has now resolved and won't be likely to come back.

I'd recommend speaking to an employment lawyer before you take your next step. Perhaps try a couple to see if the advice is broadly similar. They would get paid for advising on your settlement agreement (if a deal is reached) and are paid recently for this (by your employer) and it is relatively easy work, so you should find plenty of takers.

Good luck OP, this phase will pass!

When I saw the title I was expecting to see someone who managed to get a job unqualified. You ARE qualified, but you're just carrying so much right now. Frustrating that your manager isn't supportive. Is there someone else at work you can talk to?

I was in exactly in the same situation but a different sector. Came back from mat leave to a new manager, who called me up on anything and everything. I had never had a performance issue before and he really made me feel like I was utterly useless at my job. This, coupled with extreme baby related fatigue ( she was a terrible sleeper) ongoing PND and daily criticism at work and I was at rock bottom. I started applying for similar roles and moved to a new job 9months later. It came with a pay increase and a lovely manager and I quickly realised I knew exactly what I was doing when I was not being criticised and micromanaged. Have faith in yourself and don’t let this awful man destroy your self worth. Start looking for a new role. I had a period of 3 weeks sick leave in the time I was looking for a new job as I really needed it for my well-being and I recommend you do the same.

OP, that sounds really difficult. But if you could do your job before, then you can do it again. When stressed, small mistakes happen, and when watched like a hawk, they get worse not better. It’s all about creating some calm, so you can regain your confidence. I’m a solicitor and have been where you are. I promise it gets better - a few years down the line I love my job again and know I am good at it.

Can you afford to do a four day week? And then use that day off to work on yourself and your confidence? Alternatively, can you buy in some help so you have less on your plate? In the early days I had a cleaner come in twice a week who did the washing as well as the cleaning and it just meant things were less chaotic at home and I had a bit of breathing space.

Does your workplace offer either some sort of employee assistance programme or private healthcare - either of which you could perhaps use to get some coaching/therapy?

I feel for you. You are clearly extremely stressed, all over the place and possibly close to a breakdown. Have you seen your GP yet? Can you get an anti-anxiety med, get signed off work for a couple of weeks and get therapy? Hopefully you'll be able to see your options more clearly, regroup and formulate a plan for a way forward.

Op i just wanted to say hey and offer my thoughts. Having a small child is bloody gruelling. Having one without a partner, well I can’t even imagine how horrifically stressful it must be. I too am failing at my job due to lack of time/support/generally struggling to keep up with anything and I have a v lovely husband. I think you should talk to your boss. I know that may seem scary but it will help because you will either get more understanding (helpful) or you’ll know what to do (leave). Can you afford to do a boring/menial job until little one goes to school? This is what id do if iwas
you. Hugs. It’s so hard. And more often than not its women who lose out at this point in life xx

Is a lingering post natal depression a possibility?

I was in a very similar situation, also an experienced solicitor in a corporate firm and struggled juggling this with the pressures of being a single parent to a young child.

I would rather not share too much publicly but please feel free to direct message for a chat, I would be more than happy to discuss and offer a sympathetic ear if nothing else

Hi OP,

I experienced a very similar thing recently. Also lawyer in pp, similar PQE. I came back from mat leave last year and struggled to get back into gear. This coincided with having a new team partner / boss who basically undermined and criticised me so regularly that I lost confidence and began struggling with brain fog and second checking everything I was doing. This was after a previous partner had ground me down by being micro-managey.

I'm a perfectionist anyway and struggle with MH issues, but this new boss was like nothing I'd ever experienced.

I eventually had time off sick, negotiated an exit package (not much but enough to build an emergency fund) and have now moved in-house and sooo much happier. Still working through confidence issues but everyone is supportive and I feel valued and respected and it's amazing how my confidence has bounced back overall.

My only regret (slightly, sometimes) is that I didn't give pp another go in another firm, because then I wouldn't have a lingering feeling that I wasn't good enough for pp. However, as others have said, if there is an individual gunning for you, it's pretty pointless trying to stay there. Well, perhaps not if you have the confidence and staying power to go down the grievance route but I didn't want that, and I doubt the firm would have sided with me anyway.

But all in all I feel in-house is better for me - great holidays, DB pension, more relaxed culture and more interesting work (even if it's a bigger caseload). I'm pretty sure there are loads of commercial in-house roles out there so perhaps that's a route to consider.

I applied for several jobs and got almost all of them, which was also a confidence boost, so hopefully that'd happen to you too - don't worry about interviewing after a long time, it'll come back to you and there are loads of online resources, and best of all just practice with friends / family.

I'd be really happy to talk about my experience more if you wanted to chat.

Good luck, I would be extremely surprised if it's all you - if you've worked in the role ok before you can do it, there may be areas you need to brush up on, but a manager's role is to build you up and encourage you to shine, not to nitpick and undermine you. It's surprising how quickly confidence can be eroded by bad managers, especially when someone is conscientious.

I'd also suggest speaking to an employment lawyer - if it is the case that there's a clash or even if you just indicate that things aren't working out for you and it's partly down to management style which is making you unhappy, then it is likely they'd be willing to pay you off (at least notice pay plus a bit more) which would buy you time to find something new whilst preserving your dignity.

Wishing you well.