Waiting for the right guy equals no baby

Do you seriously not understand that the population is increasing because of increasing longevity?
The birth rate is declining

Good! Planet might stand a chance.

If I was young and fertile and wanted to be a mother I would look for a man with good health and good genetics. I would have a fling with him get pregnant dump him and make sure he never found out about the pregnancy.
Obviously I would only do that if I was financially secure enough to bring up a child on my own.

More deaths than births in the UK last year and across the whole of Europe. We've already tipped into decline.

I’m not entirely sure birth rate needs increasing, it seems to be doing just fine…

@Thelnebriati

I'd rather stay single thank you but then I don't want children so it's easier for me I suppose.

and I think a lot of posters in that situation are overlooking how unfair it is to a child to choose a shite father for them. It's complicated and challenging raising kids at the best of times. It's really unfair to make things even more difficult for your kids.

I think some women are thinking of cute little babies when they need to realise that being a Mother is much, much more complex than that.

It's impossible to get it all right and it's never going to be be all perfect but you have to at least try.

Increasing the human population has not been of any benefit for the other of the world’s life forms.

What, the human race?
I don't think so. Have you seen the recent global population figures?

My very strong advice as an old mumsnetter is that hormones can make you blind to people’s faults. Be really careful that you have a man you can live with. No one is perfect and we all need to have give and take, but so often I see women marrying what at the outset seem very unsuitable men. And so it proves to be. Be choosy ladies and you will be better for it.

Totally disagree.

Also you don't 'have a baby' . You take on responsibility for another human to full adulthood.

They need to come first. They're not there to complete you or validate you.

You are there for them. You should be aiming to give them the best possible life - of course things happen and change but why on earth would you damage them from the outset?

I'm not sure that a dog is the best idea...

But the best indicator of how good a father is going to be is how good they are as a partner, unless they've already got kids. Perhaps how their own father is, but that ignores the potential to reverse or stop generational trauma.

If he's a knob to you, he's probably not going to be much use during the baby years, and he may well be a knob to his own children down the line too.

But to be honest, it's just a case of knowing what you're walking into and doing it with your eyes open. If your want for a baby means you can overlook habits, knowing that they are unlikely to change, that's your call. It's fair to presume that selfish men will be selfish partners, husbands and fathers.

It was important to me to have a man who didn't consider the bare minimum enough. I was lucky enough to find one and he is an equal parent in every way. He has his faults, as do I, but we love each other and our children and it's been a fun journey so far - the eldest is three and we're yet to have any major arguments or fights, or the often predicted relationship struggles, because we're on the same page. I'd struggle to give up that type of partnership, but I'd also struggle to raise a child entirely alone. It's a personal call that the woman has to make.

My husband is someone I wouldn't have considered as a potential partner when I was younger. My priorities changed over time and because I wanted a family, I chose to have one with someone who is an excellent partner and father, if not the "Mr Perfect" the younger me was holding out for. I had more common interests with previous partners, or a more passionate connection, but I think rather than focusing on finding the "right" person, if you want a family it's a better idea to focus on the qualities you need in a partner/father and look for those.

i can see your point op. I’ve seen mums aged 30 on mumsnet being described as “old” and people saying the ideal time to have kids in your 20s.
none of the men in my circle wanted kids in their 20s. Absolutely none! I really don’t know where women meet these men. Any of my male friends didn’t want kids in their 20s either. I know lots of women don’t want kids in their 20s either but honestly I think women are keener to have them sooner than men for obvious reasons:

Bonkers.

THIS !!!!!

This is sadly so true. At 38 you just don't have time to wait patiently. And yes, I know Madonna probably had triplets at 48 (or whatever) but that's not real life in Hounslow.

Have you considered what you would do if, like me, your periods just stopped one day at 39?

I was devastated, I cried multiple times a day for weeks. But I got over it- I’d never had a baby, so how would I know if my life would be better or not. How do you?
I’m not saying this to scare you, but if you feel that you absolutely have to have a baby, do it now, because you don’t know what tomorrow brings. And don’t make assumptions about other people’s strength of feelings on the subject.

Why on earth would we want to increase birthrate OP? Far too many humans on the planet already. Falling birthrate is a very good thing long term IMO, albeit it will be painful adjusting for a few generations as everything is currently built on the idea of endless growth.

Disagree.
It's an important part of life to know where you have come from.
Rejection etc has a massive impact on mental health!

I'd rather be childless and single than have a child with a dead beat!

What needs to change is some men's attitudes and women not settling for shit men!

Quite - and I think that's what the OP meant? So rather than waiting for Mr 100%, that Colin from Accounts may be worth a second look?

YABU on two counts. Firstly, you should never have a child with someone, unless you would be proud for your son to turn out just like him. Secondly, there is no urge to increase the birth rate.

100% this. I've felt it so many times. Plus the feeling that I could only realistically have a baby with this man if I accidentally get married, because I can't see him wanting to have on or suggesting it. It's a horrible situation when you are in your late 30s and haven't found a suitable man.

It's not just the deadbeat Dads who are the problem. There's plenty British women who are failing their children too. But is this OK because they want a baby and are maybe not thinking about the commitment needed for actual parenting?

But if you are committed as a woman to being a parent for the rest of your life (rather than 'having a baby') then go for it! Just look after yourself.

It depends on whether you want a baby. For me it's better to have a baby with a shitty or absent dad than none at all. I'm considering going solo.

Lower your standards, ladies! Because its literally impossible for men to sort themselves out.