Waiting for the right guy equals no baby

Assortive mating is the norm, not the exception.

Also to be clear “hypergamy” is about marrying somebody of a higher social status which is not simply wealth and education.

But to repeat assortive mating is the norm.

”Preferences” all else being equal, and what happens in reality are two different things as your links show.

Problem is, this kind of compromise - where being physically attracted to a partner and there being a 'spark' is way down the list, causes problems at some point.

You end up with threads that state " He's a good man and a wonderful father, but I'm just not attracted to him and can't bare thinking that this it for the rest of my life"

Quite frankly, it's a breeding ground for an affair.

I stand by my answer to this question, and the fact it’s uneducated. We can’t keep having a declining population as we won’t be able to support the elderly. So the posters spouting ‘what’s the issue if our population declines, it’s better for the planet, population is actually increasing worldwide anyway, we already have too many people’ etc are ignorant.

I’m still not sure what you think the answer is if you don’t support either population increase or replacement?

Seriously, do some reading. A replacement birth rate will not work. To pay pensions under the current system we need an ever-increasing birth rate, which is not sustainable. Neither are the answer and no, society will not function like this for much longer.

Just to remind you of the post which you quoted and called uneducated,as you still seem confused:

CloudywMeatballs · Today 15:13
Why do we need to increase the birthrate?

@MeowCatPleaseMeowBack

What? When did I ever say we need an increasing birth rate? My first post was to a poster who said we need a decreasing one, which I argued. Read again.

You then came and said increasing is not the answer, which I agreed with, and said replacement is the answer.

To which you replied that increasing the birth rate is needed, therefore directly contradicting your previous post. So which is it, do we need an increasing birth rate beyond the rate of replacement or don’t we?

Replacement will still work if the population is living longer, as tax payers are also working for longer. Not saying this is right or how society ‘should’ function, but it’s the way it does.

But I can absolutely assure you, no father is better than a useless one.

Sometimes that's true but it's a false dichotomy. There's no need to put a child into either of those shitty situations deliberately.

As I said earlier and as should be obvious, that doesn't solve the problem you brought up.

I’m one of those women who went in alone using donor sperm. Got to 35, no good relationship on the horizon, so thought sod it. Absolutely I’m not wasting my last fertile years waiting for a Prince Charming to waltz along. I’m lucky I’m in a position to do so; own house, professional job, savings (since dented, naturally). There is no such thing as anonymous sperm donation now; the information of the donor is released to the child at 18. I have pictures of my donor, lots of information etc, that I can share with my daughter when she is old enough to be interested.

I am sure some on mumsnet will tell me I’m a terrible person for depriving my child of a father. But I can absolutely assure you, no father is better than a useless one. I say that as someone with a useless absent father herself; the hurt of having someone who is incredibly negative and has little to no interest in their offspring is real. I have zero contact with anyone on his side of the family (they are abroad or dead anyway). My daughter will only know love and encouragement and has good male role models in her life.

I would much rather do to this way than battling with a dead beat father just because I wanted a baby.

No, as I said earlier, it needs to be replaced, not increased.

No.

Your original argument was that we need an increasing birthrate to pay for pensions. When I questioned it you changed your mind and said a replacement birth rate is ideal. I pointed out that it isn't and doesn't solve the problem you brought up. I don't think either of your solutions is the answer, based on actual economics and science.

For somebody who called others uneducated, I thought you would know more about the subject but you seem confused.

So you want to to increase to the point of unsustainabllity?

So you agree the population does need to increase then? I thought you were arguing that it didn’t.

That doesn't work because people are living longer. The working population has to increase each generation to pay the pensions of the oldest generations.

Not increasing, but sustaining. Ideally couples would have 2 children, one to replace each of them. Obviously some people would have more children and some none, but this is replacement theory which works best for society.

People need to remember when talking about birth rates need to remember that concepts like “The UK”, “developed nations” and “pensions” are barely a ripple in Earth’s history. Whereas the Earth’s resources and wellbeing have real long term consequences.

And who’s going to look after and financially support all the elderly? We have an aging population and won’t have enough tax payers to pay their pensions

As has been asked multiple times, do you really think increasing the birthrate with every generation is the answer?

Gosh, so many uninformed people on this thread. Population isn’t an issue globally - the world population is increasing. But it’s an issue in developed nations. We have lots of old people and not enough young tax-payers to support them! Who is going to pay for pensions if there aren’t enough tax payers? Who’s going to work in the care homes and look after the elderly?

Of course immigration is a solution but that brings its own issues.

I absolutely judge it, especially if the man isn't aware that he's just being used to have a baby.

There's also little thought for this child that the woman apparently desperately wants, it's all about how she feels and what she might miss out on with no thought as to how the child might feel growing up with a poor example of a relationship with no love there.

Children should have a right to know who both their biological parents are, regardless of the family set up. That includes a medical history. Sometimes that won't be possible (e.g. death) but it shouldn't be possible to deliberate create such a situation.

Do you oppose lesbians convincing using a donor?

I think that’s preferable to single motherhood by sperm donor, at least the child would have another parent to take care of them if something happened to the other. Lots of situations that happen are not ideal but that is no excuse for deliberately engineering such situations in order to satisfy wants.

🙂 it's one of those things we won't agree on

I can understand the desire to find out where you come from but I think its something that's pushed on people by misogynistic men

'Do you know who your dad is though' is a saying I've heard chucked around and used to shame single mothers

It's this stigma and shame that causes troubled children imo

If I had another, I'd do it via sperm donor and would do it proudly, although I'd separate myself from people who would judge my family for that

@mumofoneAlonebutokay no body said anything about perfect families either I know plenty of amazing single parents (male and female) who do amazing jobs bringing up their children.

I fully support single people adopting/fostering (and the child will need a lot of support).

@mumofoneAlonebutokay yes I do oppose of any sperm or egg donor conception. (And yes i had investigations and it took 2.5 years to conceive my for child and I have secondary infertility for 5 years, my wants and urges to be pregnant and be a mother doesn't trump ethical issues of bringing a human into this world)

As they are thinking of themselves not the person they are bringing into this world and how it will affect them.

No one is perfect that is correct! Things happen!
But to deliberately do unethical things is selfish and thick!

Why do we need to increase the birthrate?