Hello
Me and BF have been together for 3 years. I dont wish to tell every single detail but I think it is relevant. When I met BF I was married and BF was effectively the other man for 4 months, until I left my xDH. BF suspected I wasnt seperated several times but didnt end things as I convinced him otherwise. He lied about when his ex moved out and when they split but he said that is because I said I wouldnt date anyone who had just split with an ex so he altered dates. I do remember saying this but he shouldnt have lied. For context, they were not together whilst we were, I have messaged his ex and she confirmed this.
However, back to my question. I am 6 months pregnant. We have always spoke about starting a family, living together and one day being married. BF has always been so lovely, gentle and caring. I have never met anyone who puts in more effort. Whether its breakfast in bed to asking about my day and genuinely taking an interest, no matter how boring my day has been.
After I left my xDH, I admit, I probably wasnt in a good place for a relationship. I anaylised everything BF had told me about his past and I used to spend hours and hours searching facebook, asking him questions (from morning to night) and even setting up fake accounts to message his ex. Little by little, I started noticing a change in his temper. He would often tell me that the more I argue with him, the more I damage the relationship. I have stopped all the past questions now. However, I have went snopping a few times around his house to find "past" items and then we have argued when I have found something belonging to an ex. I had stopped all of that and have been seeing a therapist. However, on friday, I went snooping in a drawer. I then saw he had an old watch and a braclet that looked like something he would give another woman. I then made up a lie to ask him about this. Said I was scattering notes around the house for him and found it. He was annoyed with the questions but answered them - it was a watch that he bought a gf 20 years ago and the bracelet he bought his ex wife ten years ago (his ex isnt his ex wife by the way). He then flipped after I asked more questions. He then demanded to see where the love notes where around the house, I then told him there wasnt any, he got angry. He then started saying things like "you havent changed" "You still dont trust" "you have no self control" etc etc. He then said he didnt care if I was in his house or if I went home. I promised him I wouldnt do it again and he said it was just words. He then started getting angry the more I pushed him to talk to me, trust in me again and to talk to me. He shouted and said I had no right telling him what to do and then he said he doesnt trust me at all now.
He then started saying that he is fed up putting in effort when I dont (which is not true). He means he is fed up fixing our issues when I keep doing the same thing over and over again. The last time was in August when he went to the bathroom and I went down his phone. But I am happy I did as that is when I found out when him and his ex really broke up and I always had doubts over that. He kept wanting space and to stop speaking about it but I didnt leave it and he then started shouting at me and shouting in my face.
Last night he agreed to still come out with family. It was a nice evening, not too much chat from him but it was civil. He then slept in the car on the way home. When we got home, he didnt want to cuddle in bed and said he was "too full". When i questioned this he got angry. Said he wanted to sleep, told me he wanted me to go home earlier but I wouldnt. So after shouting and calling me "damaged" he went to sleep. This morning he said "hello" to me. I then said "okay, so you have had your sleep, what is going on with us" and he got immediately angry again. Telling me that there is something wrong with me that I want forgiveness and not do anything for it. He then started shouting in my face when I kept trying to hold his hand and apologise. He said I keep pushing him and he wants a quiet morning before work. I asked him for a time when we could talk and he got angry and said I had no right to demand anything. I then said it feels like you dont want me here, he said he didnt care, and that he doesnt want to speak to me, and he said he doesnt. I then said that I am the only one putting in effort and that I am fighting an uphill battle. He agreed and said he has no fucks left anymore and he wont be putting in effort and it is for me to do to win his trust back, again. he then got up, angrily said I had ruined his whole morning and he was now in a bad mood for work. I then said I would come work in his upstairs office (I have a desk there too but have been working int he livingroom for months, out of choice, it is more cosy) He said no, he didnt want me to work in the same room as him, I said I didnt care and I was going to make him a coffee and come up stairs. He said there wasnt the room, I said I would make room. He then got angry and grabbed me and forced me up the stairs to see the room, and he was right, there was mess everywhere and nowhere for me to work - he then said "here we go again, always think I am lying".
He kept shouting he had a meeting in "5 minuts". I grabbed his hand and apologised and said I had changed and I wouldnt break his trust again. He said he wanted me to go away, I refused and then his alarm went off reminding him his meeting had just started (online). He got angry, shouted that he wanted to be left alone. I said no. He then raised his fist and told me to go away. He didnt hit me but when I said "dont ever threaten me with violence" he said I have pushed him to that as I wont respect his feelings or boundaries. We are now in seperate rooms not talking with him making arsy remarks.
I dont know what to do or how to move on from this.
I am 6 months pregnant and I dont need the hassle.
Please dont say "LTB", please give honest opinions.
Is he abusive or have I pushed him to this?
Thank you