The Be kind message that’s always trotted out on here

I've just pre-ordered a copy of "(un)kind " by Victoria Smith (Glosswitch) on this very subject.

By doormat I meant there are many threads about things being asked if someone that are totally out of order but people still post and encourage the OP to "be kind" even though I very much doubt they'd put up with the treatment they are endorsing.

OP: my friend wants me to give her a kidney/my life savings/my PFB and I really don't want to.

Responses: well its up to you obviously OP but it would be kind of you. You can always get more money/organs/children and you obviously don't like your friend much if you won't even consider it. I would do it in a heartbeat but that's just me.

My experience of MN is that it is always very anti the 'Be kind' mantra because it is seen as a way to shut women up. There will always be someone at the other end of the scale though I guess - and once one person goes in hard with their views often lots of others will jump on the band wagon too, no matter how unreasonable.

There are a lot of doormats here.

I must say I find it very tedious to repeatedly read people bleating, "Be kind," in their OP as they proceed to describe a situation in which they have behaved unreasonably.

I think Mumsnet is one of the few spaces that pushes back strongly against Be Kind.

Women here encourage each other to stand up for themselves, robustly challenge the socialisation that tells us to put others ahead of our own rights and best interests, and cut through the platitudes.

It’s why I like it.

I think it’s the other way around. Anyone who reads some of the astonishing “do whatever you want and sod your neighbour/aged P etc” posts and suggests that maybe the OP could be a little less selfish gets jumped on as if they were suggesting she immolates herself in the street.

It's always easier to tell someone to be kind when it's not you who is involved in a challenging situation. I am obviously not suggesting that we shouldn't try and be as kind as we can but there are circumstances in life when people just need to do things that may not seem that kind to others.

As a pp said most posters are reasonable but I normally see “be kind” in the context of kindness to the op rather than telling the op to be kind to her shitty husband or similar. I’ve not seen what you describe

I think Be Kind is rarely something said by people who are kind themselves 😉

Be kind is just an updated "If you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all".

Doesn't really apply to AIBU though when the poster is asking for opinions, good and bad.

There are certainly lots if posts that aren't very nice. I've seen lots that say things like: "Get a grip!"
"You sound awful"
"Glad you aren't my child"
"I feel sorry for your children"
"Your parents/friend/sister would be better off without you".
"Tell them to f off!"

I'm sure that anonymity plays a part in all this. I'm sure the same people posting these things anonymously have "#BeKind" all over their social media pages where their names are known.

Being kind doesn't mean being a doormat. But it's not about reciprocity either.

It's about you and your values. Set them up and live up to it or not, it's a personal choice.

What bugs me about them is it's a case of do as I say not as I do. Because I genuinely don't imagine that many of the people who are happy to volunteer an OPs time, energy and money would be happy to doormat themselves to the same extent.

I think the majority of posters are reasonable, even if there are ridiculous posts in many threads.