The Be kind message that’s always trotted out on here

Be kind is middle class for STFU.

Wouldn't the better solution to be to tell men to be kind? Rather than encourage women not to be kind?

Good luck with that.

Men who want to say something and were told to be kind would just tell people to fuck off. More women should do that.

Also on MN when a woman says something negative it's not only the BeKind crew who jump on them, it's the " you're being judgemental" lot that pile on too. They seem to think that being called judgemental is going to suddenly stop anyone saying what they think. It's just another version of BeKind but with an added layer of criticism.

That always makes me laugh because everyone makes judgements, even the outwardly virtue signalling lot, who are so up their own arses they seemingly don't realise that by criticising someone for being judgemental they are in themselves being judgemental.

I've been called judgemental on here for expressing opinions that didn't go along with the majority. Luckily it's water off a duck's back to me because I'm not fazed by the opinion of a bunch of strangers on an internet forum, I'm very happy with how I am and I know I'm much more intelligent and aware than the people who judge me as judgemental. Clearly plenty of people agree with me because of the number of agrees and thanks I get.

Wouldn't the better solution to be to tell men to be kind? Rather than encourage women not to be kind?

I'm all for good personal boundaries but it can't be denied that the kind of MNers to are vocally anti-Be Kind aren't doing so in a feminist spirit, they're doing so because they're judgmental misanthropes.

You see I often get the opposite vibe here and in life in general- the message is usually "Be selfish! Do what you want!" . It gets me down sometimes.
It's very important not to be a door mat, to be assertive, and to have boundaries. However, I don't think it's particularly good to always be selfish. Sometimes you do have to put yourself out for others. I do things I'd rather not because I know they mean a lot to people. Yes, I often put myself first but certainly not always.

Yes, there is very little acknowledgement from some (who want to virtue signal) that what is kind to one person is unkind to another, and it really annoys me!

Then, there are the posters who are downright mean and unreasonable, hate having it pointed out, and then trot out BE KIND to try and shut people up. Also infuriating!

There was a good one a couple of years back when an OP was told she should just give her property to her tenant. As a gift. Because landlords are bad and she should be kind.

It's ironic because there are some very mean people here

Be kind is the last retort of the unreasonable IME -when OP has had their arse handed to them for being outrageously unreasonable, it's a guaranteed bingo card that she will then retort "be kind" !

Yeah, I agree the sentiment OP describes does exist, but I'd say explicit use of Be Kind tends to get squashed. So people go round the houses a bit more instead.

I have always hated the "Be Kind" mantra. Its ALWAYS aimed at women and should actually be "Be a doormat and dont fucking complain about it"

Woman asks - "My MIL is ill and needs a lot of help and care, my DH and his siblings think i should do it even though i work full time and have small kids"

General Consensus - You need to think how your MIL is feeling and help her out the best you can and as much as you can, you need to Be Kind OP.

Man asks - "My FIL is ill and needs a lot of help and care, my wife is asking if i can help with his care despite me working full time"

General Consensus - Your FIL is your wifes family and you need to put your foot down that you are working and cant help. She will need to sort it herself.

A lot of the posters on here are just contrary and want to criticise or disagree with the OP. It’s why people sometimes do a reverse. It has nothing to do with telling anyone to be kind.

Be kind is something that women get told isn't it, with a view to shutting them up and stopping them saying what they actually think.
Men don't get told to be kind, they can say whatever they like.
That's why I'm against the BeKind movement.

Some situations just need to be walked away from. Then there is the really difficult stuff when its not the situation it’s the person. Their behaviour remains the same and if it’s someone who is a relative, neighbour or colleague and it’s hard to not be near them it’s dire.

I do not want to be kind to someone I consider obnoxious.

Legit everyone should just try to be a bit nicer, gracious, patient, and all that. Also on MN, people should at least try and consider their responses, and not try to be kooky by being antagonistic with OP’s issues. BUT.. ‘be kind’ is such a naff phrase now. I’ve disliked it since it became a thing after Caroline Flack’s suicide.

I find it's the opposite on here. I'm no fan of "Be Kind" but a lot of MNers tilt very far in the opposite direction. I see a lot of posters rail against "Be Kind" in such misanthropic terms that I suspect they've never once been tempted to be kind in the first place.

🤣😂

Yes, just look at the people yelling at the OP who's upset she's not invited to her own mother's wedding. "You're making it all about you!"

The one that cracked me up was when the OP stayed in a £1500/night hotel over the Xmas break and someone said that the OP could have stayed in a £500/night hotel and given the difference to a food bank.

I see plenty of the opposite-'do what's right for you and disregard other people'. Also applied in reverse- 'Why should your friend/parent help you when you are in trouble; you chose to have kids and get sick, so get a grip'.

Such a harsh world.

Other than a generally agreed upon principle that we should Be Kind to children, I think MN is entirely sceptical about demands to consider kindness above other value principles such as fairness or truthfulness.

OP posts something that's complete madness and ends with please be gentle I'm fragile.

That's one of the many problems with "be kind".

If you are kind and give the benefit of the doubt to someone, then you're often not being kind to others who are on the receiving end of the behaviour.

But I have never seen anyone I know in RL use it when they themselves are the opposite of Be Kind. They use it to hide their own behaviour behind a smoke screen.

I tend to think people who say it do the opposite.

One day, I had a friend at my house, his car was on the drive. We were both doing something on the drive, I think taking something from my shed and putting it in his car. The boot and at least one door were open. So it was obvious there was someone around. My neighbour's daughter parked right over my driveway, totally blocking him in.

We finished what we were doing and he got in the car and started the engine. They saw him and one says "oh, do you need me to move" and he said "yes, but it might have been better if you hadn't parked there in the first place" (ok, bit unnecessary but he was peeved). Anyway, both the daughter and the neighbor started screaming at him about what a nasty selfish man he was and "whatever happened to #be kind". I was mortified. Really, it was they who were not being kind, both by parking there and by screeching at him calling him names. He just ignored them and drove off and I went inside.

Anyway, it doesn't mean anything.