Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Deposit politics!

35 replies

Cinderella37 · 03/02/2025 08:45

We'd booked a villa abroad with another couple (including my best friend / bridesmaid) 14 months in advance as we got a good deal. Each couple paid a deposit of £350 on booking. A few months later I found out I was pregnant with my first child (we hadn't planned it at that point in time but it was happy news). I told my friend and she asked about the holiday - I said we'd be ok to go still, our baby will be 5 months by that point. My friend however said they didn't want to go with a baby in tow (a bit frustrating but I understood their concerns that it wasn't what they'd signed up for). She's now requested that I send them £350 being their share of the deposit. This will mean I'll have paid £700 deposit and also have to shoulder the entire £2500 cost of the villa unless I can find others to go with. We probably can't afford this as I'll be on maternity leave. I can understand they don't want to come on the holiday but think its a bit unfair requesting the deposit back before we've even found someone else to take their place.

YABU - pay them their share of the deposit
YANBU - do not pay them the deposit, it is their decision not to come

OP posts:
Original poster
Cinderella37 · 03/02/2025 09:06

LetsGoOverThere · 03/02/2025 09:01

I'd really not want to go on a holiday with someone's 5 month old so I can see where your friends are coming from. It slightly depends on the villa though. If it was a huge villa with separate area it might not be too bad.
Can you get a relative to come?

thanks - yes we will look to firstly see if my parents come although they're not great travellers :-/ hopefully that will solve the problem for everyone.

OP posts:
LetsGoOverThere · 03/02/2025 09:01

I'd really not want to go on a holiday with someone's 5 month old so I can see where your friends are coming from. It slightly depends on the villa though. If it was a huge villa with separate area it might not be too bad.
Can you get a relative to come?

SnowdropPancake · 03/02/2025 09:00

It doesn't help the OP but I often wonder what kind of friends other people have. Regardless of my general lack of enthusiam for a holiday with a newborn, if I'd booked it with a close friend I'd still be going and making the very best of it.

I just cannot fathom telling a close friend 'nah, I'll not bother if you're going to bring your new offspring with you'. And I'd rethink any friendship I believed was close, if they did the same to me.

Bigfellabamboo · 03/02/2025 08:58

I don't think your friend is unreasonable. Going on holiday with a friendship group is vastly different to going with friends and their small baby. It could feel like it's a family holiday the friend is encroaching on. Not to mention disruption to sleep, not going out to do things you would have done the parents being centred on the baby.
Madness to book a holiday so far ahead really.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 03/02/2025 08:58

I’m on the fence tbh. I can see why you don’t think you should pay the full cost but then from her perspective it’s gone from a couples break to a holiday with someone else’s new baby. I wouldn’t want to essentially tag along on someone’s first family holiday either and you’ve essentially given them no choice in the matter.

LIZS · 03/02/2025 08:56

Look at the terms and conditions and see if you can cancel/downsize. I think you have changed the holiday, be it unwittingly, so your problem to sort if you value the friendship.

Fluffyholeysocks · 03/02/2025 08:53

I do have some sympathy for your friend, I wouldn't want to stay in a villa with a new born baby. But as a friend I would try and find a solution rather than demand all my money back.

Ponoka7 · 03/02/2025 08:51

You've changed the terms and conditions. To keep the friendship, I'd at least try to split the difference, but think that you should refund them. Is there a family member who might jump on? Look over your figures and see if it's still affordable for you to go. Posters will say don't ay them, but it depends on if you want to keep the friendship.

Bubblegumtatoos · 03/02/2025 08:49

No. Your friend is choosing not to go. Try and find someone else and if you do drama over.

Catza · 03/02/2025 08:47

No, no, and no. You are still going. You are not the one cancelling a holiday. She made a decision not to go, it's on her. Her choices are to go, not to go and pay or not to go and find someone else to take her place.