Deposit politics!

@Bigfellabamboo
Surely the holiday will be what they make it? Were they expecting to do everything as a 4 the whole week?!

If it was me I'd just enjoy my holiday- go out for lunches, go on days out, go out for drinks etc. the baby isn't their problem 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think the OP should feel bad. If her friend wants to cancel that's her choice, but at the friends expense.

What plans have changed? The entire vibe of the holiday has changed from couples to a baby coming along? I'm sure you can imagine the difference in couples only holiday to a baby on holiday.
Of course life isn't over with a baby 🙄 I don't think anyone has suggested that but the friend doesn't want to go on holiday with a baby and she's perfectly entitled to feel like that.

Well that's cheeky and not very friendly. Tell her you will reimburse her if you manage to find a substitute. Otherwise tell her no.

@Bigfellabamboo well yes, obviously. My point is, life isn't over with a baby. Some babies are easy (mine was) and some parents are chilled (we are) having a baby didn't stop us for doing much.

What plans have been changed?

Of course she doesn’t want to go for a relaxing holiday with a screaming baby!

You've moved the goalposts so you need to reimburse her.

But that was your own baby on your own trip presumably. That's vastly different to holiday plans being changed as someone else brings their baby. Of course they can all still lounge around the pool. With the back drop of a tired screaming baby and not being able to spontaneously do anything because of X y and z baby needs.

@MiraculousLadybug
You could try be brave and laugh directly @ me rather than just hurting your mouth.

But they've pulled as op is drastically changing the holiday.

@Cinderella37 I guess you never know. Maybe they have had pregnancy loss or something which has caused this reaction.

If I was in their situation, I would have discussed options before demanding a deposit back. Especially if she's your best friend.

I don't agree with all the 'you've changed the T&Cs' rubbish. These things happen. You can still sit around the pool and drink with a 5 month old?! I travelled around the world with a 4 month old, so it's hardly life limiting.

I would call the company and find out your options? Can you cancel? Can you move it to another property?

First things first- who is the lead on the booking? As in, who gets the bill? Assume it’s you with the following, but it’ll limit what you can do if it’s them.

If it’s you, contact the company you’ve booked with, explain one couple has dropped out, is there any way you can transfer the deposit already paid to another, smaller villa holiday for us you, DP and DC. ThIs far in advance they might be able to do that for a fee that’s less than the cost of losing your deposits.

If you can’t do that, I’d say to your friend that you can’t find a replacement so the options are you don’t go and she finds a replacement for you (you and dp book a separate holiday) or you cancel the holiday and both lose the deposits.

I can see both points of view. I wouldn't want to go away with someone's small baby if I didn't have children there myself. It's going to completely change the holiday, you won't be able to go out in the evening as much and you'll need to stay out of the sun etc.

I'd offer her half the deposit back.

I'd just cancel the villa and take a hit on the loss of deposit if you can't find anyone else to go with.

I have sympathy for your mate. The nature of the holiday will be totally different with a baby in tow. That’s not what was on the table when the holiday was booked. If I was her I’d forfeit the deposit as a gesture of goodwill, but wouldn’t go on the holiday, and therefore pay no more money.

I think you have to pay her back - she paid the deposit for a couples holiday, not a family holiday. You’ve changed the goalposts (albeit for a lovely reason - for you!) but I can understand why she’d not want to pay for an expensive holiday that isn’t what she’d planned.

Does your friend have fertility issues or anything? Is there more to it than a 'change of dynamic'?

How old are you all? Was it going to be a big party holiday? A double date villa sounds quite chilled to me.

I do understand that it's not people's dream to holiday with a small baby. But I wouldn't expect a very good friend to react that way.

Not when the holiday has been changed they don't. A holiday with a little baby is going to be very different to a holiday with two couples.

I'm really surprised how big the percentage of YANBU is!

I hope she put it politely but essentially she is right, it will be a different holiday.
im surprised that you didn’t discuss it on a planning stage by the way.

I can understand why your friend doesn't want to go, but she booked 14 months in advance. Life happened in between. Don't pay her share of the deposit. It's non-refundable.

"@Cinderella37 sorry but you changed the T&C and the holiday is a not as advertised"
LMAO she's not a bloody travel agent this is total nonsense.

OP hope your parents can go as that sounds best all round.

I do agree that your friend is not being unreasonable, a newborn changes the whole dynamic of the holiday, including meals out, day trips, sun bathing, evening drinks. I can see why she doesn't want to go anymore.
If I were you I would bring trying very hard to find someone else to take the holiday.

I think you need to pay her share of the deposit and either see if you can get someone else to come (grandparents who are desperate to spend time with the new arrival?) or you see if you can move to cheaper accommodation.

You have changed the type of holiday massively, it is not up to them to be happy with this

@Cinderella37 sorry but you changed the T&C and the holiday is a not as advertised

@SnowdropPancake imo one of the problems that always happens with a multifamily is a complaint of how the child care arrangments woked out. The baby will need a regular schedule and has to go everywhere with the OP. The other couple could treat the villa as a hotel room with a loud guest next door but the holiday the other couple imagined on booking is doomed before they get there.

If you may struggle to pay the balance now it will not be shared could another solution be that your friend takes on this holiday and you find a smaller place just for your family?
I really don’t think it’s a straightforward case of your friend pulling out so she loses her deposit. You changed the dynamics of the holiday.

Normally I would agree that whoever pulls out loses their deposit but this is a tricky one as you have changed the dynamics of the holiday. I would want to go with. 5 month old baby. I think to keep the friendship you have to give back the deposit and pay for the holiday

The person who pulls out looses their deposit. It's not on you to cover that.