Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can someone help me please?

64 replies

triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 06:31

I have a longstanding history of depression and anxiety but it is through the roof just now. My DH has lost a lot of weight recently. He says he has had this issue with swallowing for over 20 years but recently it has got worse. I made him go to the doctor and blood tests have shown he has a high haemoglobin level, low vitamin b12 and liver function is off. I don't know the levels but he has to go for repeat bloods in 2 weeks He has to go for an endoscopy. The problem is I am catastrophising and my anxiety is through the roof. I am suicidal because of this, I really can't cope. He feels fine in himself and has no other symptoms. Can someone help me put this into perspective?

OP posts:
Original poster
triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 07:28

Rachie1973 · 03/02/2025 07:26

I’m diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but if you ask me WHY I feel anxious I often would say ‘but I don’t FEEL anxious’.

Just because he doesn’t know it, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

I also know that my issues CAN affect those around me, which is why I keep a firm grip on it.

Show quote history

Thank you, I'm really trying. He is to go back to the doctor in 2 weeks for repeat bloods. I just wish he had asked more questions.

OP posts:
Rachie1973 · 03/02/2025 07:26

triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 07:19

Don't you think I have asked him that? He knows absolutely nothing of how I am feeling. Thanks for being supportive.

Show quote history

I’m diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but if you ask me WHY I feel anxious I often would say ‘but I don’t FEEL anxious’.

Just because he doesn’t know it, doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.

I also know that my issues CAN affect those around me, which is why I keep a firm grip on it.

Original poster
triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 07:23

ssd · 03/02/2025 07:11

I know exactly what you mean op and i would be the same as you. I've tried everything i can think of for my phobia and its still there, my stomach dropped when i read your op. I don't know the answer, but you're not alone. And you're not feeling this way for attention or to make it all about you. A phobia is a different level to normal worry or fear. Its horrible. I'd do anything to get rid of my cancer phobia, its got worse as I've got older and the chances of cancer increases. I'm in therapy now.

Thanks at least someone understands.

OP posts:
Original poster
triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 07:21

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 03/02/2025 07:13

Anxiety isn't based on logic. Everything everyone is saying is absolutely correct and logical, but when you are extremely anxious, logic can't get a foothold

OP - have you downloaded the DARE app and read the book / audiobook?

You might find it helps to bring you down a notch or two Flowers

Thank you, I will look at that. I know I am not being logical. I think this all stemmed from when I was small. My mum had really bad asthma and I would stay off school to look after her - I was only young. I remember her gasping for breath and me constantly phoning the doctor for help. She still smoked though so she didn't help herself.

OP posts:
Original poster
triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 07:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Don't you think I have asked him that? He knows absolutely nothing of how I am feeling. Thanks for being supportive.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 03/02/2025 07:17

He isn't stressed. He doesn't know I am having these thoughts. I haven't told anyone.

So you're suicidal over his health concerns but you don't think he's worried? You think he has nothing to worry about because he doesn't know how you are feeling? Do you not think he might have his own thoughts on the matter, too?

Time to find some perspective, OP and you need to do that for yourself. No one on here can do it for you.

Take some responsibility and go to the GP.

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 03/02/2025 07:13

Anxiety isn't based on logic. Everything everyone is saying is absolutely correct and logical, but when you are extremely anxious, logic can't get a foothold

OP - have you downloaded the DARE app and read the book / audiobook?

You might find it helps to bring you down a notch or two Flowers

ssd · 03/02/2025 07:11

I know exactly what you mean op and i would be the same as you. I've tried everything i can think of for my phobia and its still there, my stomach dropped when i read your op. I don't know the answer, but you're not alone. And you're not feeling this way for attention or to make it all about you. A phobia is a different level to normal worry or fear. Its horrible. I'd do anything to get rid of my cancer phobia, its got worse as I've got older and the chances of cancer increases. I'm in therapy now.

BMW6 · 03/02/2025 07:10

What is it that particularly terrifies you? Him being ill or him dying?
It may sound like a stupid question but you say you feel suicidal over this, but if you committed suicide but he recovered after treatment what would have been the point?

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 03/02/2025 07:09

Playgroundincident · 03/02/2025 07:04

Where did OP even mention haematomacrosis and why would she or husband be looking at treatment for it if they don't have it. There is no diagnosis yet.

Show quote history

Yes sorry. That was me. Probably my desire to help didn't hit the right mark. I'll report my post and get it removed

Apologies to all

Hotstraw · 03/02/2025 07:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 07:06

Playgroundincident · 03/02/2025 07:04

Where did OP even mention haematomacrosis and why would she or husband be looking at treatment for it if they don't have it. There is no diagnosis yet.

Show quote history

I think the previous poster was trying to reassure me,

OP posts:
Playgroundincident · 03/02/2025 07:04

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Where did OP even mention haematomacrosis and why would she or husband be looking at treatment for it if they don't have it. There is no diagnosis yet.

Original poster
triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 07:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

He isn't stressed. He doesn't know I am having these thoughts. I haven't told anyone.

OP posts:
Hotstraw · 03/02/2025 07:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Hotstraw · 03/02/2025 07:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 07:02

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

yes I work full time and have grown up children.

OP posts:
Original poster
triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 07:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

antidepressants, CBT for 2 years.

OP posts:
Hotstraw · 03/02/2025 07:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NormaleKartoffeln · 03/02/2025 07:01

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 03/02/2025 06:58

No, we don't. Even those of us who've had it don't necessarily have a 'phobia'. Peoplexdon't want cancer. They may fear getting it. But they don't all have a pure phobia.

Show quote history

I agree.
Nobody wants cancer and many might be fearful of getting it, especially if they've had it before or a family member or friend has, but a phobia is a different level altogether.

Hotstraw · 03/02/2025 07:00

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 03/02/2025 06:59

triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 06:58

I have had help, lot of it. It hasn't made any difference.

Show quote history

Did you try a different therapist/type of therapy?

NormaleKartoffeln · 03/02/2025 06:59

With all due respect and meant kindly OP, your mental health is making his illness all about you. I know it's not intentional but it is still happening. You deserve support for your issues and so does he for his concerns and illness. Go to your GP or phone the NHS helpline ASAP.

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 03/02/2025 06:58

Sparklfairy · 03/02/2025 06:55

Surely everyone has a cancer phobia? Confused

Show quote history

No, we don't. Even those of us who've had it don't necessarily have a 'phobia'. Peoplexdon't want cancer. They may fear getting it. But they don't all have a pure phobia.

Original poster
triedofeverything · 03/02/2025 06:58

TheyAreNotAngelsTheyDontCareAtAll · 03/02/2025 06:54

If you've had such thoughts for years, why haven't you sought help before? Now when your DH needs you, it's not about him.
That's rather sad

I have had help, lot of it. It hasn't made any difference.

OP posts: