Friend being strange with me now she's researched my financial situation

Here’s a few responses you can use, she seems unhinged to me, maybe jealous. Friendships should be respectful not judgmental and invasive.

Sally, im not sure why my finances are such a point of interest for you, but id rather not discuss them. Can we change the subject?

I dress and spend according to my priorities, and im happy with that. Lets talk about something else.

ive noticed you have made quite a few comments about my money situation lately. Is there something youre trying to say? Because its making me uncomfortable.

it felt invasive when you looked up my property values and started adding up my worth. That kind of scrutiny isnt something Im comfortable with in our friendship.

Why has this become such a big deal for you? It feels like its changed how you see me.

How about “I’m so embarrassed for you. Why would you say/do/tell me that?” and look incredulous.

Its never occurred to me to stalk someone else and find out their financial situation. If I did do it, I’d be too embarrassed to tell anyone, let alone the person I did it to. This woman should be ashamed.

No it is rude OP. I would say steer very clear of the pair of them! It has absolutely bugger all to do with them and you should tell them as much. I'd be really angry if someone had done all that nosey parkering about me. Your worth as a human being is 100% unrelated to your assets. You seem like a lovely person and the fact these people are making you doubt your life choices is really unfair. Bin them off.

Easy, you just say No. She's a vampirical psycho. To even spend a moment analysing someone else's wealth is weird but to tell them and be aggressive with it is so so toxic. You cannot have anything to do with this person going forward. Her behaviour is not normal.

I hope your HMRC affairs are in order. Off note, the fact that your friend "just pays your mortgage" as you put it doesn't matter, it is an income. The reason I mention this is your friend is a psycho so I won't be surprised if she contacts the HMRC flagging you for tax evasion. Cut her off. Life's too short to have poison in your leisure time

If she says anything else, you could tell or text her you'd seen a thread on mumsnet and you laughed because it could have been written by you and send her the link. She'll guess it's you but hey, deny, and move on. She'll have got the message from everyone's comments🤗

I'd be uncomfortable too.

If you want to keep her as a friend, tell her she's misunderstood whatever info she thinks she has and you don't want to talk about it.
Otherwise consider removing her from your life.

She is jealous. It’s absolutely none of her business and I would be telling her so. Not a person I would want to be friends with for certain.

Love these suggestions!

Oh come now, I wasn't trying to 'belittle' you! You talked about knowing 'people' (it later changed to one person) who are better off than they claim and how annoying it is. That's what I was talking about.

She's not your friend. You need to detach. Fade away from her view. Don't answer texts - leave the answer for a few days.

I think you’ve misunderstood, my point was if OP starts making statements like they can’t afford X, Y and Z in an effort to minimise their perceived wealth to their friend “Sally” (as was suggested by another poster) it will be pretty transparent that it’s not genuine.

Sally has already done some sums with a degree of accuracy even if she doesn’t have all the details - OP harping on about shopping on vinted isn’t going to assist.

As is often the case my comments have been taken out of context and down a rabbit hole by someone attempting to discredit the rationale behind the comments and belittle me as a poster.

You mentioned priorities before; well, I guess, to put it in terms you'll understand, I don't prioritise thinking about what people might earn or how they might spend their money, or doing (even simple quick) maths about it.
You clearly do things differently to me; that's fine. I've really said all I have to say on this now.

Damned right! I don’t give a monkeys what my friends have/don’t have. And I certainly would not want them to be sizing me/my oh up.

Genuinely blow this up @theidiotswind

tell all your friends that this woman has been digging and googling your private information and is now using it against you. Tell her to stop behaving like this and cut her off.

this is a huge deal and she has absolutely no right to do this.

@MarkWithaC ok 🤔 odd that you have time to spend on MN but not be able to conclude that someone on a teachers salary can’t afford a Ferrari 🤣

Yeah, look, we just have to agree to disagree. I neither particularly want nor have time to think about what people's salaries might be (and actually I couldn't say I have a good idea of salaries in most if any areas of work outside my own). Nor do I have the time or headspace to do even 'simple sums' about my friends' incomes and expenditure. Or the desire to use that knowledge and those sums to draw conclusions about them.

It’s not difficult is it? If you know what someone does for a living you’re going to have a good idea of what they earn. It’s hardly a difficult exercise. Most average salaries are advertised. It’s not a matter of “judgment” to have the cognitive ability to do simple sums.

OP I know someone like this. We are all part of a wider group with several ladies having children with additional needs. "Lisa" recently mentioned that "Joan" (both parents of children with additional needs) had been chatting to her about a recent assessment that Lisa had completed wherein she was awarded additional benefits. Joan was quizzing Lisa about this and was seemingly very resentful about Lisa having the additional income.

She often makes comments about Lisa's ex partner (father of her children with a high profile job) and how Lisa must have no money worries etc. I know that Lisa's ex pays exactly what he is meant to and not a penny over. She works full time and leads a very quiet frugal life so definitely not rolling in it. I suppose its the resentful portion of it that rankles with me and a few others. She is supposed to be a friend but cannot be happy for Lisa. Joan is married and will often make pointed comments about single parents having better treatment etc and how she cannot afford to do anything privately but waiting on NHS for any tests her children require. The joke of it is that Joan leads a far more extravagant lifestyle tha most of us. She is regularly socialising, mini-trips etc. Lisa saved for over 18 months to pay for a private appointment and report on one of her DC so they could access additional help at school and apparently Joan has been very snippy about it. Jealousy and resentment is awful and its coloured our view of Joan. All you can do OP is tell your friend that money chats make you uncomfortable and that she needs to stay out of your financial business. Its nearly creepy that she has gone to such lengths to find out information on you.

Good heavens, if you have the time/headspace/energy to think about all this then good luck to you. I must be doing it wrong; I can't imagine having the wherewithal to think all this about people.
Plus I rather like my friends and I don't tend to judge them.

Unless ive misunderstood the op isn't pulling in 120k a year, she has assets to that amount which aren't even accurate considering the friend has included old discounted designer clothes and the dog!!

Well no, but it is possible to deduce whether or not someone is being deliberately misleading and trying to create their own narrative more often than not. Especially if you know them well.

Oh, I stand corrected! You have one friend whose financial situation you (purport to) know all about, therefore most people can generally deduce the financial situation of most other people

Not really. I have a friend in particular who bleats on about how it’s “alright for me” because I have more disposable income (again, her assumption) but she has three ponies in the garden and four pedigree dogs. All of which she competes, which is expensive. A horse box worth £70k on the drive and yet she drivels on about not being able to afford “luxuries” and is living off tinned soup. It’s not difficult to deduce that she’s not actually in financial hardship she just directs her disposable income according to her priorities. It soon gets frustrating mustering faux sympathy for someone who is clearly not experiencing the hardship they attest to.

Best thing to say is nothing - people can’t argue with an absent response.

Sally is a jealous dickhead. What an absolute weirdo.