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Friend being strange with me now she's researched my financial situation

315 replies

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 21:51

This situation first arose a couple of months ago and I still don't know how I feel about it. I've name changed in case anyone I know guesses It's me as I can't really tell the story without some outing details.

We're friends as part of a group-'Sally' and I haven't ever been the closest but we've always got along absolutely fine and have had some good times together as part of a group.

I am a landlord-a small scale one. I own 3 properties with a business partner, a home I live in (mortgaged) and another residential property which an ex lives in and owns 50% of-I rent out the spare room in that (that I used to be in) to a friend. Of the latter property, I don't' get rent as such-friend just pays the mortgage for me.

None of the properties are particularly big or in expensive areas, one is a three bed the others are small two beds.

Sally messaged me (not unusual, she messages me sometimes) and said that she'd looked online (assume rightmove or somewhere) and worked out how much each of my houses were worth and so she knows how much I am worth. My first question was 'well why've you done that?!' and she said she was working out how much she was 'worth' and decided to do mine too. She has also (alarmingly, I think) looked at some of my more expensive clothes and added this to my 'worth' too. She said in part to this conversation 'What's (dog's name) cost as well?!'

(FWIW my dog is a mutt and not worth anything in terms of monetary means).

She told me the amount she'd concluded and since then she's been acting strange. We met up for a boozy lunch one weekend and toward the end someone said they were getting another glass of wine and I said 'Hm, not sure if I fancy another one too' to which 'Sally' said 'Get one, you can afford it, moneybags!'

Another time I was out walking my dog and bumped into her and I had scruffy clothes on as it was cold and wet and she said 'You shouldn't be wearing that bobbly jumper with all you money!' or something.

I have another couple of examples-It's odd and making me feel uncomfortable.

I am a single woman, I don't earn a lot of money in my job, I don't buy expensive things, simple lifestyle, no holidays or huge purchases, old car-I definitely do not see myself as ANYTHING like wealthy or rich or such. It isn't as if I can just withdraw a couple of £100 from a house to treat myself. I've been quite unlucky in terms of relationships and jobs, just broke up with someone so I am feeling quite down and lonely- and the fact I've got a couple of houses give me a safe feeling, but I don't see myself as 'moneybags' or successful or anything of the sort. I also find it really weird that she's essentially rummaged about in my situation like that, who could be bothered? It's nosy and intrusive IMO?

I don't know what to think. I havent' told anyone I know about this and I also would like some examples of what I should say to her if she says anything else which I am sure she is going to!

OP posts:
MissMoan · 02/02/2025 22:27

Wow, she sounds awful. So sorry for you, OP. It sounds like such an uncomfortable situation.

I'd ask her 'Do you mean to be so rude?' at her next comment.

Poorscreamer · 02/02/2025 22:25

She sounds like a complete psycho.

On a serious note, I'd be very careful if I were you and scammers are everywhere.

In future don't divulge too much info to friends and acquaintances about your personal finances.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:24

Peachy2005 · 02/02/2025 22:20

My granny used to say that some people “know the price of everything and the value of nothing”. Think this applies to your “friend”.

Oscar Wilde! So true.

OP posts:
Redtrainyellowcarriage · 02/02/2025 22:24

Three properties and you are worth 120k?
That's not rich, your 'friend' is weird for checking what you are 'worth'
I bumped into someone I used to work with , did the whole catch up thing, asked if I still lived at a previous address when I told her new address she googled the house price, what I paid and what it's worth now. Ppl are weird.

Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 22:22

theduchessofspork · 02/02/2025 22:22

If this is real she sounds totally crazy.

It sounds like an episode of some sort but I’d avoid her from now on. If you have to see her in a group then grey rock her if she communicates with you.

It sounds like an episode of Eastenders.

Circumferences · 02/02/2025 22:22

myplace · 02/02/2025 21:59

I imagine she assumed she’d be better off than you, did the maths to make sure, and was irritated to see it wasn’t so.

I'd bet on this being what's happened.

But what sort of freak really compares their "net worth" to their friends and then gets the huff about it 😆 what a frienemy.

theduchessofspork · 02/02/2025 22:22

If this is real she sounds totally crazy.

It sounds like an episode of some sort but I’d avoid her from now on. If you have to see her in a group then grey rock her if she communicates with you.

Talulahalula · 02/02/2025 22:21

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:08

I am feeling insecure and just odd about the whole thing, yes Sad

I do have other friends, and yes! Never had any issues between us at all other than the commonplace very minor disagreements but I can't actually think of one I've personally had.

Right, well hopefully the responses on here show you have no reason to feel odd or insecure because it is Sally who has behaved strangely here.
It is good that the rest of the group are decent and you get on well; also that you are not dependent on this group for social interaction. These are things to be positive about.
I think I would simply say to Sally that you are not comfortable with the discussion and that she has been trying to work out your ‘worth’. I don’t think you need say more than that. If she presses, I would remind her that you have asked her to drop it. And yes, make sure you are cultivating other friendships as well.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 02/02/2025 22:20

She is a jealous and psychotic woman

😄

Sorry girl, just tell the other girls about how you're uncomfortable about it and you haven't intentionally hid anything from them x

Peachy2005 · 02/02/2025 22:20

My granny used to say that some people “know the price of everything and the value of nothing”. Think this applies to your “friend”.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:19

gamerchick · 02/02/2025 22:18

It's about time you started speaking up OP. Next time she mentions it I'm front of anyone. Say 'aw, x is my pet stalker rummaging around to see how much I'm worth, bless her heart' and move the conversation on.

Don't take anything she says to you. Let her know in no uncertain terms that what she's saying and has done is weird.

That's a good one! 😂

OP posts:
theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:19

Franjipanl8r · 02/02/2025 22:17

Does she have a personality disorder? To do this and then actually TELL someone you’ve done this research on them is astronomically odd.

Not that I know of! Always seemed perfectly normal to me. We all have our quirks I guess

OP posts:
converseandjeans · 02/02/2025 22:19

She sounds unhinged & that is bordering on being a stalker. We all like a nose on right move but that's just weird to look up exact properties & values. How does she know what you owe on each one??

Is there anyone else in the group you can sound out? It sounds like she is competing with you for some reason?

gamerchick · 02/02/2025 22:18

It's about time you started speaking up OP. Next time she mentions it I'm front of anyone. Say 'aw, x is my pet stalker rummaging around to see how much I'm worth, bless her heart' and move the conversation on.

Don't take anything she says to you. Let her know in no uncertain terms that what she's saying and has done is weird.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:18

IridiumSky · 02/02/2025 22:16

This.

It’s really weird behaviour.

As others have said, it’s either pathetic jealousy, or next may be a suggested joint ‘business venture’ or a loan request. Be sure to have an immediate negative response ready.

And no disrespect intended OP, but it doesn’t sound you’re that ‘rich’ in liquid assets anyway; this woman does appear to be a bit thick.

I definitely don't see myself as rich! She has a professional role and a degree! It doesn't mean she knows about this sort of thing though. I mean, I have two degrees but I am probably 'thick' in some subjects that I just happen to know nothing about. I've never thought of her as thick but yes.....

OP posts:
Franjipanl8r · 02/02/2025 22:17

Does she have a personality disorder? To do this and then actually TELL someone you’ve done this research on them is astronomically odd.

Thevinegardiaries · 02/02/2025 22:17

TappyGilmore · 02/02/2025 22:15

She sounds crazy, and rude. On occasion I have looked up the value of my friends’ or relatives’ homes but I’d be embarrassed to admit that to their faces! Besides knowing the value of their home doesn’t tell you much, I’ve obviously no idea what amount of equity they have in it.

If I were you I would steer well clear of her. I know it’s probably difficult if you have mutual friends. But this is so strange!

I have paid a small fortune to land registry over the years purely in the spirit of undiluted nosiness.

The snooping I have done on facebook, linkedin, Rightmove, and companies house also knows no boundary.

As you say, you don't admit to it. That's the really crazy part. At least I'm only a bit crazy.

IridiumSky · 02/02/2025 22:16

Sassysoonwins · 02/02/2025 22:05

She is being very weird. Also aggressive and boderline bullying. I would avoid her in the main but prep for her next remark with a good comeback. "Your obsession with my financial situation is creepy, don't you have anything else to focus on?"

This.

It’s really weird behaviour.

As others have said, it’s either pathetic jealousy, or next may be a suggested joint ‘business venture’ or a loan request. Be sure to have an immediate negative response ready.

And no disrespect intended OP, but it doesn’t sound you’re that ‘rich’ in liquid assets anyway; this woman does appear to be a bit thick.

RudbekiasAreSun · 02/02/2025 22:16

Goodness; I thought only the Polish mothers do it to each other, since once came with a Polish husband and the other fetched a well earning British man

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:16

Snowmanscarf · 02/02/2025 22:13

It’s quite easy nowadays to look at Rightmove ‘out if curiosity’ to see the value of someone’s house, or the area they lived in. I’m sure everyone had googled an ex or an old friend at some point.

However, to tell someone they’ve done this, and to work out current prices from searching sold prices is weird (and stalker-ish). Plus including other assets.

If
she brings it up again, I would reply that your financial situation is none of her business, and it’s a bit crass to bring up the price of everything, or make a joke of what you can or can’t afford.

Yes! She seems to think what she's done is perfectly fine so why not discuss it!

OP posts:
TappyGilmore · 02/02/2025 22:15

She sounds crazy, and rude. On occasion I have looked up the value of my friends’ or relatives’ homes but I’d be embarrassed to admit that to their faces! Besides knowing the value of their home doesn’t tell you much, I’ve obviously no idea what amount of equity they have in it.

If I were you I would steer well clear of her. I know it’s probably difficult if you have mutual friends. But this is so strange!

Lavender14 · 02/02/2025 22:13

Next time she makes a comment, especially in front of people I'd call her out. I'd say "Sally, I find it deeply inappropriate that you went and researched my financial situation online to try and calculate my worth. So I'd appreciate it if you could stop commenting on it now. Its strange and uncomfortable. "

And let her sit with it. To me the friendship would be over anyway.

Snowmanscarf · 02/02/2025 22:13

It’s quite easy nowadays to look at Rightmove ‘out if curiosity’ to see the value of someone’s house, or the area they lived in. I’m sure everyone had googled an ex or an old friend at some point.

However, to tell someone they’ve done this, and to work out current prices from searching sold prices is weird (and stalker-ish). Plus including other assets.

If
she brings it up again, I would reply that your financial situation is none of her business, and it’s a bit crass to bring up the price of everything, or make a joke of what you can or can’t afford.

godmum56 · 02/02/2025 22:13

I do find that rude and weird. I'd say be careful around her.

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:09

InvisibilityCloakActivated · 02/02/2025 22:08

This is not normal. You might be curious, you might even look at the sold prices on rightmove, but to text someone with their worth is really not normal behaviour.

The weirdest part is surely factoring the dog into it! I mean, what are you going to do, chop it's leg off to pay the mechanic if your MOT is more expensive than you were planning?!

That's so true about the dog! Plus she knows my dog isn't a pedigree-we bump into another on dog walks and naturally have chatted about the dogs.

OP posts:
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