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Original poster

Friend being strange with me now she's researched my financial situation

315 replies

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 21:51

This situation first arose a couple of months ago and I still don't know how I feel about it. I've name changed in case anyone I know guesses It's me as I can't really tell the story without some outing details.

We're friends as part of a group-'Sally' and I haven't ever been the closest but we've always got along absolutely fine and have had some good times together as part of a group.

I am a landlord-a small scale one. I own 3 properties with a business partner, a home I live in (mortgaged) and another residential property which an ex lives in and owns 50% of-I rent out the spare room in that (that I used to be in) to a friend. Of the latter property, I don't' get rent as such-friend just pays the mortgage for me.

None of the properties are particularly big or in expensive areas, one is a three bed the others are small two beds.

Sally messaged me (not unusual, she messages me sometimes) and said that she'd looked online (assume rightmove or somewhere) and worked out how much each of my houses were worth and so she knows how much I am worth. My first question was 'well why've you done that?!' and she said she was working out how much she was 'worth' and decided to do mine too. She has also (alarmingly, I think) looked at some of my more expensive clothes and added this to my 'worth' too. She said in part to this conversation 'What's (dog's name) cost as well?!'

(FWIW my dog is a mutt and not worth anything in terms of monetary means).

She told me the amount she'd concluded and since then she's been acting strange. We met up for a boozy lunch one weekend and toward the end someone said they were getting another glass of wine and I said 'Hm, not sure if I fancy another one too' to which 'Sally' said 'Get one, you can afford it, moneybags!'

Another time I was out walking my dog and bumped into her and I had scruffy clothes on as it was cold and wet and she said 'You shouldn't be wearing that bobbly jumper with all you money!' or something.

I have another couple of examples-It's odd and making me feel uncomfortable.

I am a single woman, I don't earn a lot of money in my job, I don't buy expensive things, simple lifestyle, no holidays or huge purchases, old car-I definitely do not see myself as ANYTHING like wealthy or rich or such. It isn't as if I can just withdraw a couple of £100 from a house to treat myself. I've been quite unlucky in terms of relationships and jobs, just broke up with someone so I am feeling quite down and lonely- and the fact I've got a couple of houses give me a safe feeling, but I don't see myself as 'moneybags' or successful or anything of the sort. I also find it really weird that she's essentially rummaged about in my situation like that, who could be bothered? It's nosy and intrusive IMO?

I don't know what to think. I havent' told anyone I know about this and I also would like some examples of what I should say to her if she says anything else which I am sure she is going to!

OP posts:
Original poster
theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:41

Sneezeless · 02/02/2025 22:36

Does she mention your finances when you are alone together or when with other friends? If it's the latter have your friends noticed/said anything?

The first comment was over lunch in front of everyone but they were mostly in their own conversations or distracted I think. Another time we were walking down the street and again, others were talking among themselves. She said something like 'well you can afford it, can't you!' when I told her that me and another friend were considering a little business venture-she had just been telling me about hers (she crafts and sells things). So I don't think anyone has heard but it was publicly said. Only me and her there when she commented on my scruffy old jumper (I was walking the dog not going to a glamourous restaurant)!

Sometimes people hear things and just don't say anything though, I am aware ofo that. So who knows.

OP posts:
RoastDinnerSmellsNice · 02/02/2025 22:40

I think in your shoes I'd wait until I got together with the whole gang, and then say, 'Hey girls, I have this friend who thought it was OK to research how much I'm worth, she went into loads of detail, trying to work out how much my house is worth, how much I get for my rental, everything she could think of, right down to value of my clothes, I think this was really rude and quite weird, what do you think 'Sally'? Then see her try and justify herself. But then, I would have wiped the floor with the nosy bitch in the first place!!

Avatartar · 02/02/2025 22:40

I’d try not to sit near her and avoid conversation if possible without being rude. Next time she says something say why do you always talk about money and turn to the group and ask if she does it to them too and tell them she’s worked out what they’re worth? Make her soak it up

Poorscreamer · 02/02/2025 22:40

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:29

That's true. I don't mention it much anyway as I know a lot of folk can be funny about landlords. But extra careful from now!

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Hopefully she is just rude and thick and it won't be the start of her trying to get something out of you.

I'd distance myself anyway and don't engage in her bullshit anymore. There are so many CFs out there.

Anewyearanewday · 02/02/2025 22:39

myplace · 02/02/2025 21:59

I imagine she assumed she’d be better off than you, did the maths to make sure, and was irritated to see it wasn’t so.

This.

Digging for your personal financial information has knocked her off her superior perch.

I wouldn't stay friends with her although if you have mutual friends in common, then it isn't easy to cut her off. I wouldn't get into a conversation with her but every other time, she makes a quip, then state in a firm voice that you do not appreciate her looking into your personal financial records (especially when she has missed a few of your properties :))

Seriously though Sally is obviously not happy with her lot in life.

I hope your properties fund your retirement and give you an easier life. Its very hard to be on your own when you are older. Hopefully when the properties become mortgage free they will fund an early retirement in a sunny climate for you. Wishing you the best OP.

Original poster
theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:39

FoolishHips · 02/02/2025 22:32

I think a lot of people don't really understand what a BTL mortgage is. I know this because I used to own two BTL properties and I just used the rental money to rent a house for myself. They don't get that you won't ever pay off the mortgage and own the property and they don't understand that you can't live in the property yourself.

That's true! I've had a lot of daft conversations with people about things like that.

OP posts:
Allthenameshavegone1972 · 02/02/2025 22:36

I'm astounded she had the cheek to check your net worth in the first place! What in hell has it got to do with her? Tell her to mind her own business!

Sneezeless · 02/02/2025 22:36

Does she mention your finances when you are alone together or when with other friends? If it's the latter have your friends noticed/said anything?

cranberrytart · 02/02/2025 22:35

Only person I know of who has done this to me was, as it turned out, a compulsive gambler who was hoping to rinse me!

Redtrainyellowcarriage · 02/02/2025 22:35

I'm also amazed that nobody has blamed you @theidiotswind mumsnet hates landlords usually!

MeTooOverHere · 02/02/2025 22:34

REALLY poor form on her part.
Also do you think maybe she thinks you own them all outright ? and hence has bumped up what she thinks you are worth. I suspect that is what she has done as she wouldn't know your level of debt on any of them.
I too owned 4 properties with debts at one time and I suspect others thought I was wealthier than I was/am.

Honeyroar · 02/02/2025 22:34

Each time she starts on the subject say “you’re doing the rude weirdo thing again Sally. Did you realise?” and walk off. Or “you sound ever so jealous, it sounds a bit pathetic”. Or just say “oh hello Hyacinth!” Keep throwing it back at her.

Redtrainyellowcarriage · 02/02/2025 22:33

I wouldn't be reaching out to her, asking if she's ok. she sounds like she lacks boundaries, so what if she is leaving her husband, she probably wants cheap rent from one of your houses.

TheBoysAndTheBallet · 02/02/2025 22:33

None of the properties are particularly big or in expensive areas, one is a three bed the others are small two beds.

LOL. I've got five properties, but only small ones. 🎻
Your friend is being a bit weird though.

Snowmanscarf · 02/02/2025 22:33

If she’s single, maybe she’s hoping to rent one of your places ‘at mates rates’ (she’s not a mate).

FoolishHips · 02/02/2025 22:32

I think a lot of people don't really understand what a BTL mortgage is. I know this because I used to own two BTL properties and I just used the rental money to rent a house for myself. They don't get that you won't ever pay off the mortgage and own the property and they don't understand that you can't live in the property yourself.

Original poster
theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:31

IridiumSky · 02/02/2025 22:29

Ha ha! You have two first degrees or a postgrad?

I always say that the more one learns, the more one realises that one knows almost nothing. That little island of knowledge on which we live, surrounded by the limitless ocean of ignorance.

That’s not ‘thick’, OP, that’s lack of time.

People are weird. I’m only a geologist (by training, not subsequent profession): rocks are so much more predictable than people. 😀

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I have a postgrad! And yes that's very true. I often say that the most intelligent thing is to be aware of what you don't know!

OP posts:
Original poster
theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:30

Thinking further about it, she hasn't mentioned her husband much at all recently. I wonder if she is contemplating breaking away and wondering if she could manage etc so began thinking about me as I am the only perpetually single one among the group.

I am going to ask if she's okay now I think about it.

OP posts:
StartupRepair · 02/02/2025 22:29

Bring it up in the group in front of her. 'Has anyone else had Sally nosing around in their finances or is it just me?'
This is weird, massively inappropriate behaviour from her.

IridiumSky · 02/02/2025 22:29

theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:18

I definitely don't see myself as rich! She has a professional role and a degree! It doesn't mean she knows about this sort of thing though. I mean, I have two degrees but I am probably 'thick' in some subjects that I just happen to know nothing about. I've never thought of her as thick but yes.....

Show quote history

Ha ha! You have two first degrees or a postgrad?

I always say that the more one learns, the more one realises that one knows almost nothing. That little island of knowledge on which we live, surrounded by the limitless ocean of ignorance.

That’s not ‘thick’, OP, that’s lack of time.

People are weird. I’m only a geologist (by training, not subsequent profession): rocks are so much more predictable than people. 😀

Original poster
theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:29

Poorscreamer · 02/02/2025 22:25

She sounds like a complete psycho.

On a serious note, I'd be very careful if I were you and scammers are everywhere.

In future don't divulge too much info to friends and acquaintances about your personal finances.

That's true. I don't mention it much anyway as I know a lot of folk can be funny about landlords. But extra careful from now!

OP posts:
SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 02/02/2025 22:29

How bizarre.
Apart from anything else, unless she's found out the size of your mortgage she doesn't really know what you are 'worth'.
About what to say to her, I think I might tell her that she seems strangely obsessed with what she imagines to be my financial situation (which by the way she is wrong about), and is she feeling OK, because you're worried about her.
She really not be OK and may need a friend to talk to, preferably one she has not alienated by behaving weirdly.

LBFseBrom · 02/02/2025 22:28

username299 · 02/02/2025 21:54

I would be furious. It's difficult because you're in the same group but I'd give her short shrift.

I agree. I am appalled by what Sally has done.

Op, it's a pity she ever knew you had some property, you've been far too open.

This woman is vulgar and resentful, she is not your friend.

Nonaynevernomore · 02/02/2025 22:28

I’d say two words to her

Fuck off

Original poster
theidiotswind · 02/02/2025 22:28

Redtrainyellowcarriage · 02/02/2025 22:24

Three properties and you are worth 120k?
That's not rich, your 'friend' is weird for checking what you are 'worth'
I bumped into someone I used to work with , did the whole catch up thing, asked if I still lived at a previous address when I told her new address she googled the house price, what I paid and what it's worth now. Ppl are weird.

I know I'm not rich, but the crux of it isn't really about that, I just feel so uncomfortable that she's done it. Wierd of your colleague too!

And yes that IS a weird thing to do! I am quite interested in houses hence becoming a landlord-sometimes friends have asked me to have a look when they're buying somewhere to see if I think It's okay etc etc but I'd never ever dream of thinking about the price or anything such as-I'd just be looking to see if it looked to have any issues, to be helpful.

OP posts:
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