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AIBU?

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Original poster

Grandparent has put themselves down as primary carer on our holiday booking?

135 replies

KSM123 · 02/02/2025 21:01

We have a holiday planned with my in laws with our baby who will be 4 months old at time of travel. My FIL has booked the flights and has today told us that he put himself down as my baby’s primary carer. This instantly made me feel a certain kind of way - maybe hurt and a bit angry - but I wasn’t sure at the time if I was being unreasonable so kept quiet…my understanding is that, with this, baby will need to sit with him on a different row from us for the flight when seatbelts light is on. He will also get her extra 10kg luggage allowance. Technically he will also be responsible for any decisions made for her during the airport and flight should something happen?
I am really not sure why he has put himself down instead of myself or my husband. Am I overthinking it? Maybe it’s not a big deal? I just want to be with my baby through the flight and wish it wasn’t so casually assumed that would be ok with us.
My husband doesn’t seem to care and thinks we will be able to just switch seats so we can be on the row with her but I’m not sure it’s that simple if the flight booking has been made that way.
AIBU?

OP posts:
WinterMorn · 02/02/2025 22:30

Spurber · 02/02/2025 21:57

Absolutely not. If there's a crash you want to be with your baby.

For God’s sake, did you really need to say this?

WhineAndWine1 · 02/02/2025 22:26

MidnightPatrol · 02/02/2025 21:50

@KSM123 i think you (and they) have got the wrong end of the stick.

I have travelled a lot with a lap infant and never seen anything of this description.

I actually think when you book the infant is just allocated to the ‘lead passenger’, which is probably why it’s happened.

The only risk factor here is that you are only allowed one infant per row. This is unlikely anyway given it sounds like it’s your family filling that row. But - even in that example, you could just use FILs seat.

So… if you want you to be next to your DH+ infant… then move it, but this will easily resolvable (for free) by contacting the airline.

@jannier is that from ChatGPT? If so, I don’t think it’s really reliable.

It won't be chat GpT it's google. That's what happens when you google a question their AI comes back with an answer and the links so as normal below. Surely you have seen this? It isn't at all new

Sugargliderwombat · 02/02/2025 22:25

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/02/2025 22:13

Is it possible that he just thought if the booking is in his name he is “responsible “ for the whole party and didn’t think about this meaning he would be the one holding the baby?

I thought this, too. Is he quite old school and the sort to want to keep everyone's passports in a zip wallet with printed out boarding passes?

YouLookLikeStevieNicks · 02/02/2025 22:14

Baby will have automatically been allocated as +1 for the lead passenger. We've never been asked on any booking who the primary carer is for our baby, but she's always been allocated to the lead booker and appeared on their boarding pass etc. Usually me.

We've also swapped when on the plane with no issue, I think this is a huge misunderstanding.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 02/02/2025 22:13

Is it possible that he just thought if the booking is in his name he is “responsible “ for the whole party and didn’t think about this meaning he would be the one holding the baby?

VickyEadieofThigh · 02/02/2025 22:13

Spurber · 02/02/2025 21:57

Absolutely not. If there's a crash you want to be with your baby.

Let's put this mum's mind at ease, eh?!

AngelinaFibres · 02/02/2025 22:13

CaptainMyCaptain · 02/02/2025 21:09

This. There's a lead passenger but I've never heard of a primary carer.

Show quote history

This. Its totally bizarre. I am a granny. I took my grandson to the library ( we look after him every Monday) to register him as a member. I am his granny not his parent so I could register him, but he can only borrow 2 books instead of 12 until his parents upgrade his membership. I cannot upgrade him. If I cannot be a full carer for a child in the local library I fail to see how an airline would accept a grandad as primary carer on a plane. Particularly when his parents are on the same plane.

mummyh2016 · 02/02/2025 22:11

Are you going with Jet2? If so it's so that know whose lap baby will be sat on. I wouldn't have a row about it, I'd just say to FIL either you or DH will have baby on your lap. An odd thing to do though!

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 02/02/2025 22:09

You have to be very clear with your pils that the baby will be with you and the extra baggage allowance will be for the baby. Make sure that everybody has got that clear well before the flight.

SALaw · 02/02/2025 22:08

Why would saying something be confrontational? He says "I've put myself down as baby's primary carer" you say "why? Both their parents is travelling?"

bridgetreilly · 02/02/2025 21:59

I really don’t think the paperwork matters, but you must be clear that the baby will need all of the allocated baggage allowance. FIL doesn’t get to use that.

Spurber · 02/02/2025 21:57

Absolutely not. If there's a crash you want to be with your baby.

TickingAlongNicely · 02/02/2025 21:56

Will your FIL actually want the discomfort of a baby on his lap for several hours?

Plaided · 02/02/2025 21:55

Butterflyfern · 02/02/2025 21:10

I believe it's because there is usually (?) only one spare oxygen mask per row, so they need to know where the lap infants will be in advance so that only one is sat per row.

However, I'm sure on the day, you'll be able to either swap seats with FIL or have your baby with you, it's unlikely they'll be another baby on the same row

Yes, it’s usually on one side. It’s not a problem and they will move you to a suitable spot when you get in the flight if it’s not the right seat.

Plaided · 02/02/2025 21:53

I think this a miscommunication as he was the lead passenger. I have never had to put down I’m a lead career and we travel with young children a lot (six times a year!). Please don’t worry, your child will be able to sit on whoever’s lap you want them to.

whynotwhatknot · 02/02/2025 21:53

he wants the extra luggage allowance?

Flopsy145 · 02/02/2025 21:52

They will not force baby to be on primary persons lap, I holidayed with my family and my step mum made the booking and DD was an infant under my step mums name but no one checked at all as it was all one family in the booking.

MidnightPatrol · 02/02/2025 21:50

@KSM123 i think you (and they) have got the wrong end of the stick.

I have travelled a lot with a lap infant and never seen anything of this description.

I actually think when you book the infant is just allocated to the ‘lead passenger’, which is probably why it’s happened.

The only risk factor here is that you are only allowed one infant per row. This is unlikely anyway given it sounds like it’s your family filling that row. But - even in that example, you could just use FILs seat.

So… if you want you to be next to your DH+ infant… then move it, but this will easily resolvable (for free) by contacting the airline.

@jannier is that from ChatGPT? If so, I don’t think it’s really reliable.

2025willbemytime · 02/02/2025 21:33

I think some grandparents forget that while their child is still their child they are actually an adult with a child of their own now.

Original poster
KSM123 · 02/02/2025 21:30

Hi all, thank you for your responses! Why I didn’t say something, I’m not sure - I’m not a confrontational person and I really wasn’t sure if I was just being dramatic.
My in-laws are very lovely but in a way quite controlling and like to be overly involved in everything eg they have gone ahead and booked a rented her a car seat for this holiday without consulting us with first. Despite us telling them we have things covered, they like to insist on their ways.
I don't believe there is mal intent , I think I’m just irked by it and the assumption that would be ok - why not just list her with Mum or Dad?
MIL mentioned primary carer, maybe she has got mixed up and I’ve got the wrong end of the stick ? I’m new to this so it’s reassuring to hear that it’s not as strict rules as I was thinking it was with regards to who baby can sit with ☺️ I suppose it just depends if FIL will swap seats with us so baby can sit with husband or myself in one she’s allowed to?
will definitely appreciate the help however I would’ve liked to be able to pass her over on our own terms and know that I can comfort her if needed, and feed during take off and landing
Thank you for all the comments!

OP posts:
BlossomOfOrange · 02/02/2025 21:30

Absolutely not. Tell them they’ve made a mistake which must be addressed urgently, as per @jannier ’s find on google. This is not a judgement call, he’s not your baby’s primary carer.

jannier · 02/02/2025 21:22

This is what Google says....

Grandparent has put themselves down as primary carer on our holiday booking?
Grandparent has put themselves down as primary carer on our holiday booking?
LoveBluey · 02/02/2025 21:13

I've not heard of being asked this on a flight and am fairly sure parents would swap their baby between mum and dads laps whether they were listed as primary carer or not.

Having said that it would irk me.

Butterflyfern · 02/02/2025 21:10

I believe it's because there is usually (?) only one spare oxygen mask per row, so they need to know where the lap infants will be in advance so that only one is sat per row.

However, I'm sure on the day, you'll be able to either swap seats with FIL or have your baby with you, it's unlikely they'll be another baby on the same row

Oftenaddled · 02/02/2025 21:10

Surely he needed to do that to book the ticket? I doubt he wants to hold her all the way - though if he's offering, fair play to him.