To ask the hardest thing you have ever been through

@Youngishh Burying our daughter after she suffered from cancer and leaving 2 primary age kids.

oh no really? so sorry to hear, its awful isn't it.

@Conniebygaslight I can't find your post but it sounds like we may be in a similar situation with my dd2.

Domestic violence from a psychopath.

@LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood I can relate - supporting my son through his 3 years of anorexia was incredibly hard, and at times I had the dreadful thought that he'd only find peace through death. We're incredibly lucky that he has recovered, we are 1 year into discharge from CAMHS and he is going from strength to strength. In the worst moments I didn't think we'd ever get here and I am thankful every day that we are. I've lost both my parents, both in fairly traumatic ways, but seeing my son in the thick of a mental illness was worse.

Sending love to you all ❤️❤️❤️

The illness and death of one parent.
The chronic illness and admission into care of the other parent.

The ongoing 3 year baseless and pathetic gross misconduct investigation that our employers used to dismiss my DH who had 24 years exemplary service and was extremely well respected and experienced and the fight to clear his name in an upcoming tribunal against his unfair dismissal, while having to go back and work there myself.
at the same time as supporting my elderly, depressed dad look after my paralysed mum who was left unable to speak after a stroke.

i can't really believe there will one day when I don't have it all walking along beside me like an unwelcome dog

although compared to some of you my problems seem like child's play

I'm so sorry for you and your little girl, its just shit. I found my little boy dead in his cot at 12 months old. My little girls are 8 & 9 and I still check on them in the night. The 8 year old actually sleeps in my bed and I know she's OK because she is not a quiet sleeper (and I'm glad because silence terrifies me), the fear never goes away walking into their rooms.

The last five years generally. Dad died of heart failure, then the pandemic, one child refusing school and completely depressed and unwell, then sexually assaulted by a boy at her school outside school- police involvement and social services, then bullied at school about it, then she got pregnant and had an abortion, one child self-harming and depressed because her school were closed and she was so worried about GCSEs, and now my mum is dying of cancer. Somehow we all keep buggering on.

I agree with everyone saying it’s hard to imagine anything worse than the death of a child.

I’m so so sorry for all of the losses you have all experienced 😥

My worse experiences would be a very protracted divorce, and also my daughter being a very sick baby and needing two operations in her first year.

I also found it very difficult going through heartbreak as a young person but I think subjectively I just was someone who found that hard, rather than it being comparable to other people’s worst experiences.

I guess I have had a charmed life as those are the worst things that have happened to me.

Death of a parent and relationship breakdowns.

Being made homeless at just 16: I had a terrible year of starvation, dangerous situations, I was lonely and very sad. I was lucky I was young and resilient and worked my way out.

Losing my Mum when I was 17, but really she had chosen to lose me the year before when she chose a man over me hence the homelessness. Grieving her was terribly hard as I was both totally devastated at her loss and also extremely angry with her. That anger resurfaced again when I had my first child because I just couldn’t understand how she could do it. I really miss having a mum, and I miss the mum she was before all that happened.

Caring full time for MIL with Alzheimer’s, unexpectedly ended up doing her end of life care as as this happened during Covid. It was harrowing and has left me feeling haunted and guilty, I did my best but it really didn’t feel enough.

The hardest though is losing my son during pregnancy unexpectedly giving birth in the hospital bathroom, the screams that came from me, they still echo in my head from time to time. That’s the one time in my life I really wanted to just die, the grief was insurmountable and I both felt it and couldn’t feel it at the same time. It was like an out of body experience, this couldn’t really be happening to me. I also felt so guilty for wanting to die, I just wanted to be with my son and for the pain to stop, but I had other children I had to live for. I knew what losing a parent young does to a child and I didn’t want to do that to them so it kept me going, but my goodness did I resent feeling trapped and alive. I really didn’t feel like I would survive it, I couldn’t see myself surviving it, but I have…it still hurts of course, but it’s his 4th birthday/anniversary soon and I’m still here, though I will never ever be the same person I was before. I don’t know what I believe in, but I do hope that when I die I’ll get love and hold my sweet baby boy again.

I am very glad I’m still here and still living but my god am I so very tired some days.

So much love to you all who have been through such rough times. ❤️

Thank you, we've let her know that but she just isn't interested, he life is getting more and more dangerous.

Domestic violence. Twenty-five years later, I still have nightmares about that time in my life.

Watching how my drunk father throws my sister head-first on the wall. We were 13 and 10 y.o. Mother never called for help and never left him. This was the day I realised that we (kids) can be killed and nobody will care.
This is nothing though in comparison with so many posts here. I'm so sorry.

having to say goodbye to my 4 year old son as he took his last breath in intensive care from a viral infection to strep toxic shock all in less than 24 hour
miss him dearly

Thank you so much. Such great advice. I have found going along with things is much better than putting her right. I agree about loss of friends being underrated. She is such a close friend and has a difficult relationship with her family. I have struggled a lot this week. Conversations about death are so hard, and not something we do much but they are necessary now. I find it hard my lovely friend is stuck somewhere between reality and somewhere else, but I figure maybe that altered sense of reality of the best thing right now. Thank you so much, and so sorry for the loss of your lovely friend Lou x

I'm so sorry. The loss of a friend is so underrated. I knew things about her that even her family didn't.
In relation to the hallucinations - I found what helped Lou was not putting her right, don't tell her there's nothing there etc. Just soothe her and try to distract her and tell her repeatedly she's safe, as many times as it takes, that helped Lou anyway. Lean on the nursing team and feel free to advocate for your friend, there's no reason she should put up with being scared.
I'm so sorry. You may not believe it (as I never did) but you're a good friend x

I am so, so sorry.

I don't think adoption is the answer. I wouldn't want to bring a child into such a lonely set up. Their needs have to come first. I have no family because I am an only child.

Close friend of mine is dying of cancer and it’s spread to her brain and the tumours are awful, she is so confused, sometimes in a state between reality and someone else. It’s so heartbreaking to see cancer ravaging her body. Only diagnosed 4wks ago, unlikely to be here in 4wks time. Cancer can 100% get fucked.

So sorry for your loss. High grade glioblastoma are a killer. I see it sometimes in my role. A patient once said to me sister please pray for me. I did but also knew how awful his brain scan looked 😢

I’m so sorry, your raw pain has also brought me to tears.