To ask the hardest thing you have ever been through

First child born 10 weeks premature, then diagnosed with a serious medical problem. Fortunately he recovered eventually and surgery was avoided.

Second child had severe Genetic issues (life limiting and would require immediate surgery at birth) and we were advised to terminate the pregnancy. DH going through major surgery at the time and so we did terminate.

Third pregnancy fine but child was diagnosed with a serious medical condition at the age of 3.

Still a strong family unit but the stresses have taken their toll. Eldest now 30. I count my blessings every day.

When I was 14, my Gran took me aside one day and told me she'd found a lump and was scared. We were incredibly close - the rest of the family were either drug users, violent alcoholics or both.
She asked me not to tell anyone, and stupidly I did as she asked.

Finding out later on that she had stage 4 breast cancer was awful, but watching her slowly deteriorate and end up dying 2 years later in a hospice was something I've never been able to recover from.

I'm 34 now and still cry when I hear her favourite songs that we used to dance to. I've always said that grief is an awful thing to go through, but it's the guilt that hurts the most.

Sorry Stinkeye. We're 2 years into our "journey" - my DH has stage 3b prostate cancer and is having hormone therapy. He's been through hell since his operation to remove his prostate. He talked to his therapist today about how he wants to stop treatment. I can't cope with that. I want him to fight but I have no clue what he's going through really. Our life has changed enormously as he was diagnosed at 52. Now retired through ill health and I am the main wage earner - 2 kids at uni and a mortgage to pay. I can't think about it too closely or I'll topple over.

His parents have also been diagnosed as having dementia with the MIL put under DOLS and then into a dementia care home very quickly. We had to move them whilst he was undergoing radiotherapy. I don't think I have ever felt so stressed in my whole life. The last couple of years have been an absolute shitshow.

Having a daughter with physical and learning disabilities. She is now an adult and life is just getting harder and harder. For me it IS forever , and I don’t know what to do . It will be forever for me. And then she got cancer so things just got worse.

Watching my three year old daughter have her first seizure (when I was 7 months pregnant) then the endless hospital appointments and procedures, all the time watching her illness progress until she had brain surgery 7 years later to stop seizures, then we did three months rehabilitation in hospital. She's 25 now and is absolutely amazing, so bright and happy but I look and wonder how we coped as a family.
But no matter what, we do find the strength from somewhere and I truly believe that..
Best wishes to everyone going through tough times, it won't be forever and you always have hope ❤️

My mother died unexpectedly on the day my first child was born.

To those of you who have lost children - I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how hard it must be to keep going each day xx

Having my head twisted by my ex until it went black and I couldn't breathe. He had screamed abuse at me for three hours before. This wasn't the first time.

We now face homelessness post divorce because he's squandered all the family money.

Mine was a catalogue of things which when pooled was just shite:

Lost my beloved gran. Watched her die slowly and in agony.
Moved back home from abroad after 11 years
Family issues after gran's death
House I was living in sold from under me by family
More family tension
Struggle with bereavement
Had no friends

Life started to improve, and then the ONE person I trusted and confided in humiliated me in the very worst way she could have done in her capacity.

Losing gran knocked me sideways. And that broke me.

Husband has just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. Currently living the worst thing ever, as his mortality stares me in the face. He’s the best man ever.

A few things really. Lost my son at birth, lost my dad 4 months ago. I'm seriously ill with no hope of getting better and due to this, we are losing our home.Currently going through court.
Have lost family members to suicide and quite a few other things. At the time, you think you'll never get through it, but from past experience you do. Life is shit

My little girl passed away suddenly in her cot in 1994, she was fifteen months old. Nothing before or since has been that traumatic or painful.

Being told I was having a miscarriage the day before my wedding.

Then my husband leaving when our IVF twins were a year old because he "couldn't cope"

Being in an abusive relationship for 8 years. My life was constantly threatened as were my childrens. I will never be the same again, but it has turned me into a major empath so that’s a silver lining I guess.

There have been threads in the past where the question 'When did you feel you grew up?' has been asked.
I think I bundled through life feeling quite immature and unworldly wise until I miscarried at 16 weeks and gave birth to my perfect baby girl.
I grew up overnight. The saddest thing that's happened to me
I'm sorry for those sharing very sad experiences here x

Thank you for sharing your stories. They have given me some solace at a tricky time. I feel less lonely, and encouraged that if you can make it through your experiences, I can make it through mine.
My DS set off to uni bright eyes and bushy tailed. By the time he had done half the year he had completely changed, become unrecognisable. He became withdrawn, aggressive, argumentative, accused me of all sorts, he was even violent. Of course we tried to reassure him that we loved him no matter what and encouraged him to seek help from professionals. Unfortunately the only help he was interested in came in blister packs purchased online. I haven't had the chance to prove that I'd love him no matter what as he walked out of the house 6 months ago and I have heard little from him since.
Reading some of these stories takes gives me mixed feelings. There are plenty of stories of hope about the resilience of young people, so maybe he'll bounce back. There are also stories of estrangement from 18 lasting forever, and I am glimpsing that this could be us. Who knows?
Either way, I am grieving the relationship that I had hoped and expected to have with my DS in adulthood, as are many others around me.
Thank you OP for helping me put this in to words.

@Conniebygaslight it is. I can't think how it's come to this

In my early 20s i had 2 really tough years. Had 4 houses in 2 years, had second child and husband had an affair when little one was 8 months. Gulf war 1 kicked off and Husband was deployed within hours of it all starting, less than a month later my Mum died 3 weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. My toddler was really poorly with kidney problems. Posted to Northern Ireland, the terror of putting the children in the car, turning the key and expecting the car to blow up was terrifying, doing that hundreds of times was not good for the heart. Third baby was born after a really a hellish pregnancy that i wasn't expected to survive.
My daughter being rushed into hospital with pre-eclampsia, my tiny little Granddaughter being born with a tumour on her spine and having to go through an operation to remove it. They both made it. Divorce from an abusive man ( physical, sexual and mental) was actually a breath of fresh air.
In the last year, my DH being diagnosed with Bowel cancer( now all clear) and me having a heart attack.
Other than all that shit life has been good.

@onelostsoulswimminginafishbowl I'm so sorry - that is unbelievably rough. One day at a time for now - you've had too much going on to be able to process much more than surviving each day right now. I'm so sorry for your loss :-(

Probably right now. After 2 missed miscarriages, infertility and a termination at 16 weeks due to the baby having health problems, I finally gave birth last week to my miracle baby. The day we arrived home, I received a call to say that my dad had died suddenly and unexpectedly in an accident.
He was everything to me and i cannot believe that he is gone and I won't see him again and he won't meet the grandchild that he was waiting so long for. I keep picking up my phone to call him and getting hit by a train of grief every time I remember. I am in a different country and couldn't travel long haul 3 days after a c section so missed the funeral and couldn't be with my family.
Going through this with a newborn has been hideous and just so fucking unfair 😥

Just a big, squashy, grandmotherly hug for everyone.

I've had a few things happen over the past five years. All individually painful but the combination of everything is very difficult. Feel like I have no luck and as soon as I get back on my feet something else happens.

❤Same happened to me aged 11. Never been the same since.

My DD died, nothing else has come close to that event.

❤to everyone on this thread. So much suffering. I'm so sorry.

Infertility.
We eventually adopted 2 children and they have healed us.