To ask the hardest thing you have ever been through

Losing our little baby boy at 13 days old. It has completely changed me.

Being an adult after childhood and young adult trauma. It is the hardest thing I’ve ever coped with. I’ve raised children, broken the cycle and now it haunts me and I no longer want to be alive. I was a successful nurse for 15 years - was able to care for my children and patients.
can’t hold a relationship down, can’t work and my adult daughter now looks out for me.
I have had counselling, therapies and seen a psychologist.
I am now one of the people on disability benefits that everyone moans about. But I have nothing left to give anyone as I have no desire to be here.

I'm not looking for sympathy but I have survived a LOT , childhood abuse which for me has been blocked by my brain as a coping mechanism I guess and it's worked well that aside adulthood hasn't fared any better either and what I'm about to reveal could potentially be outing due to the nature of my trauma of the last 10 years I am a 4 x suicide survivor I survive my uncle my sister my own daughter and recently my sister in law . It started in 2015 and just didn't stop at all , 2015 I was blindsided by my sister completing suicide then on Christmas eve of 2017 my 17 year old daughter ended up in critical care, she had a hypoxic brain injury we had one last Xmas together and on boxing day she was pronounced brain stem cell death she stayed on life support until the early hours of the 27th because she donated her organs and gave the Christmas gift of life becoming our hero but my world utterly shattered I'm completely ruined by this , 2 weeks later at her funeral was the last time I saw my dad alive because 2 weeks after that exactly a month after my daughter died my dad died of pneumonia. 19 months later my 18 year old nephew went missing from hospital and 2 days later his body was found in the hospital grounds , 4 months later my nan died and 13 months after my nephew died his 24 year old brother passed in his sleep at this point the whole family were in shock and I will be honest it has torn the family apart none of us coped very well still aren't to this day . There have been other losses too not direct losses but still felt . In 2023 I had my biggest breakdown to date and started therapy to help cope but a month in I ended up in ICU with a life threatening illness that almost cost me my life and I believed at the time that in trying to deal with my grief I had almost killed myself , looking back it sounds daft but I'm too scared now to try again but I do believe my grief almost killed me . But I'm alive I'm here I take the small joys I can where I can and I do whatever I can to survive another day , I have other children and grandchildren who keep me here and focused on living this new life so even though I have been through what I have I am still blessed in many other ways 🦋 if you know me and my daughter irl please dont out me 🙏

My mum dying of cancer on Boxing Day 22. My son was only a few months old.

My ectopic pregnancy being diagnosed Boxing Day 20.

Finding my uncle who had hung himself Boxing Day 09 after his brother died the week before. Spent all night thinking my mum was going to die of a broken heart.

My husband suffering with his mental health and going missing. I had our 2 children in the car trying to find him in the middle of the night, just desperately trying to find him. Thankfully his friend found him on a local bridge.

Well I truly thought I’d had some crap to deal with…and then I came here.

We lost our business and every single penny we had last year and almost our house. I thought it was the absolute worst, but honestly what the fuck was I moaning about? I’m actually ashamed reading these posts.

I have absolutely no right to be sorry for myself. Thank you for making me see that.

How have some of you survived? Just how???

So much love to those of you who have lost children. I cannot imagine going there. 💔💔

Sending love & kindness to everyone.

Feel like you’ve glimpsed my future. I’m sending love x x x

Losing my baby boy to an infection 3 hours after he was born. Had a miscarriage at 8 weeks, but I was lucky to bring home my other baby boy, 18 months after. I also suffered with terrible health anxiety with my dc's. Every cough, cold, temperature, I thought they would died. I had counselling as it wasn't healthy. I still feel on tenterhooks when my dc's are poorly but I manage it very well.
My youngest dc's has cystic kidney disease but he has regular check-up with a children's hospital in London and I know he is in great hands. I always remind myself if anything changes he is in the best place. Sorry OP, for what you are going through.

My brother murdered my beloved grandparents when I was 7. He came for our mother too but we were away for the weekend. If we’d have been home I’d have probably been on the list of dead too. It still affects my mind and body decades later.

Feel like you’ve glimpsed my future. Sending love cause what the fuck else can I do x

Currently going through what I will say is 1 of the hardest times of my life. My daughter is on end of life care for a genetic condition and she's only 13 years old and my dad is terminal with kidney cancer so 2 of the most special people in my life are most likely not going to be here by the end of the year and I actually broke properly for the 1st time today since it all happened and had a massive breakdown about it all.

being diagnosed with leukaemia in my mid 20s then relapsing. I then went through a bone marrow transplant which made me infertile.

And my mum dying. I will never get over that.

Traumatic childhood with an alcoholic father, ran away from home at 14, got into drugs, got pregnant and was made to have a late abortion by my mother and older sister, had to go through the labour, and never forget seeing a perfectly formed tiny baby being whisked away in a small metal dish.
Got through the next few years drinking and taking drugs, took an overdose but was found passed out on the street and recovered in hospital, no counselling, was raped and kept in a flat for 2 days by a mad man, tried to get him arrested but was told by the police to drop the case because i had been drinking, so i did.
My life then changed in that i met the love of my life, my soulmate , he was also taking drugs,because he;d escaped from a war torn country,never saw his family again, but we both turned our lives around, got married and had a beautiful daughter, we both worked really hard, nearly died from an etopic pregnancy but was saved by a top surgeon called Mr Pinker who delivered Princess Beatrice and Eugenie, he just happened to be visiting the casualty department when i passed out in the toilet there, woke up in a private room, he save my fallopian tube, and i had my gorgeous son, so i think i've been really lucky.
30 great years together.
Sadly lost my soulmate from a massive stroke 3 years ago, had to watch him die for 9 days on a ventilator, he wasn't able to speak but he mouthed I love you back to me when i said I love you, so hard

Watching my MIL go through ovarian cancer, she was a very strong independent lady and to watch her slowly go through hell was heartbreaking. I've never got over it, in 2 days it will be 4 years since she passed and it's never gotten easier.

@pimplebum
Gosh that’s heartbreaking but you must not blame yourself x

Telling my dad that his wife of 70 years had died - my mum - and then having to answer the phone to him again and again over the next 2 years (sometimes more than once a day) when he would ring to ask where she was and I would have to tell him all over again, Often I would be at work taking his call crying my eyes out in the corridor.

My son’s father beat me up and then went on to rape/ sexually assault other women - including 1 who died and 1 who killed herself. He went to jail and was released when my son was 18. At the same time, my Mum, Dad and Uncle all died within 5 weeks of each other. My son and his father made contact and my ex started my son on a life of drug abuse. My son is now living in a homeless unit, constantly shit faced on drugs

I’m so sorry. That puts things into perspective. I’m so sorry for your loss.

❤️ for those mums who have lost babies, truly heartbreaking and I send all my love to you

My parents visited my fist baby and I hugged them goodbye they walked around the corner and were killed , if I hadnt faffed around they would have left a bit earlier and would have lived

brother then was horribly abusive during the next few years we dealt with court cases and estate

year later in hospital with son who we was very ill and then has had life long sen issues depression and anxiety

I am currently out of work

but I count myself very lucky in love otherwise healthy happy life

Moving to a foreign country with my long term boyfriend and him cheating on me with a married woman within a couple of months of arriving. His idea to move, not mine. Being utterly alone with my family and friends and all I knew and loved on the other side of the world. The worst night was just before leaving there and staying alone in an empty house and sleeping on the floor before flying out the next day because I didn’t want to leave my pets alone and stay in a hotel. The ex wouldn’t look after “our” beloved pets even for a night.

I kick myself now for not booking a hotel room and sneaking them in! But I’d say that night was my rock bottom. I have learnt a lot from the experience and would handle it differently now.

These stories are truly devastating and I hope by sharing you feel less isolated.

What I am currently going through right now feels as hard as it gets. I have had an uneventful virtually trauma free life until recently, when 3 years ago my Dad died from an accident and never recovered.

Now my mum has been diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer. It has spread and she will not receive anymore treatment. Her decline in the last couple of weeks is shocking and sad and I don't think she has long left. I have been staying with her and catch glimpses of her with her head in her hands, it's heartbreaking. She's a retired nurse so knows how it goes.

I am 3 months into a new city job and feeling that I am not giving it my all. My mum lives 3.5 hours away so juggling this and my new job is draining. Thankfully my children are teenagers so reasonably self sufficient. I don't know how I would have coped if they were younger and needed more from me.

It's a heartbreaking and very sober read -

Definitely my divorce. I feel your pain op. It’s absolutely horrendous and I underestimated how hard it would be

Watching my husband die, slipping like sand through my fingers. Seeing him actually die in my arms. He was and still is the love of my life.

A miscarriage and a hemorrhage.

Going through a major mental health episode at the age of 16. It was terrifying. They weren’t able to find any appropriate inpatient care for me, which I ended up being thankful for, as it meant I didn’t have to look back on it as a memory when I recovered.