To ask the hardest thing you have ever been through

Being raped as a child and left in a flat, getting home by myself after that and then pretending nothing had happened. I have told exactly two people IRL about this (a few more in online support groups).

My dad dying suddenly when I was 9 months pregnant, having the baby, taking my 2 week old to my dad's funeral, developing PND and PTSD, and then never sleeping longer than 45 mins at a time for just over seven months. Really thought I might die just by fading away.

But God, I'm so sorry to everyone who's posted on this thread. So much strength to you all.

Neglectful parents
Terrifying abusive bf in late teens- he late went to prison for blinding someone with a bottle
Move to new city for man who then left me
Divorce
2 x mcs
stillbirth at 29 weeks then diagnosed incurable blood disorder / life changing open heart surgery
Love of my life leaving me and our 18 month old.

All good now though

Probably my brothers suicide nearly 20 years ago. I was the last person to see him alive and that wears heavily on me. My family has never really recovered from it.

Or perhaps in 2021 (hence the username) when I attended my Mums funeral the same week my Dad was diagnosed with dementia.

last march my little dog made a noise in the chair next to me had a week died dead in a minute a heart attack i was on my own at 11pm , had to wrap the body and carry it down stairs broke me had to carry the body in a bag to my vets next day, the only way i could cope was to get a new rescue dog a week later,. my second is seeing my sister aged 31 fight cancer and die ,

@Itstillstings god I am sorry x

Hearing my 18mth daughter groan like a buffalo in ICU as she died from Wilm's Tumour. 42 years ago. Haunted and living with it has been exhausting.

Being seriously assaulted and getting my abusive ex convicted of it.

So much loss here - so sorry.

I was sexually assaulted repeatedly as a child, not by a family member. I was a subsequently precocious teen who searched for sensation and affection and tried to rewrite my sexuality on my terms. I had a teen pregnancy and the baby was adopted. My best friend who I adored died in a traumatic way a long way away from me. Later my son overdosed and my husband became very ill and remains a broken person. It’s the death that hurts. I feel gratitude everyday that my children are all now well and happy.

i was 11 and had to make an incredibly hard decision. My friend and I went to see her family. There we were locked up and we were asked to choose me or her. I instantly fought for her and chose myself. I was then assaulted at the kitchen table. The old witch turned up the tv whenever I screamed. I fought him off eventually and was physically thrown into a poky bedroom and locked up. Memory is hazy after that but I kept her safe and us alive.against 3 adults we had no chance. It’s been 20 years and I’m finally able to speak with out my body going into shock. I’ve been through more but that’s the most painful.

My dad dying of cardiac arrest due to undiagnosed heart issues, barely an hour after we’d sat and had a cup of tea. I’d just arrived home and had to rush back to him.. holding his hand in the hospital after he died a mere 2 hours after seeing him alive and seemingly well messed me up for a good while afterwards.

7 months later my son was rushed to intensive care in France while we were on holiday with diabetic Keto acidosis (extremely high blood sugars).. they told me even if they got him conscious he’d probably be brain damaged and watching them prep a ventilator very nearly finished me off.

Mercifully he made a full recovery and though now type 1 diabetic, he’s your typical 13 year old, but I think the trauma of that year will effect me forever.

Mentally, it was when my DM was.crushed to death 18 months ago. I say 'was', I'm still dealing with it now. Physically, it was peritonitis and subsequent sepsis that very nearly finished me off.

My thoughts are with all of you who have quite obviously been through hell and are quite likely still there.

'Choosing' to end my baby's life (TFMR at almost 20 weeks). We and the doctors were so hopeful we could save them and tried everything but it all went very wrong. I've had other very hard times but this is one that I'll never get over and I think it's the worst for me as I had to play an active part in it. I view the pain and suffering I will have for the rest of my life as the price I had to pay to ensure my darling son never had to suffer for a single second.

When I was 9, I lived in a semi detached house and the girl next door was a year older, and my best friend. We were playing in the front garden, my parents were out and my best friends mum was keeping an eye on us both.

I can’t recall why, but her mum had to leave for a while, said she wouldn’t be long and we were to stay in the garden, not to go in the house. Me and my best friend decided to play hide and seek, I was first to hide and went inside their house, up the stairs into her parents bedroom and hid down the side of the bed.

As I was hiding I heard the unmistakable sound of her dad’s car arriving home. I panicked, I wasn’t supposed to be in their house but I froze. He was a huge man, 6’5 and broad. I always thought he was moody, could always hear him shouting through the walls at his family, just an angry man in general.

I heard him coming up the stairs, he was coughing and muttering, I was absolutely terrified and then the bedroom door opened and immediately slammed shut again, and I heard this almighty thud.

I thought he had thrown something, that he had seen me and was silently waiting for me to show myself. But it was quiet, I didn’t dare look for what felt like an age.

When I eventually lifted my head over the top of the bed and looked, he was collapsed against the door, slumped in a heap and I saw he had wet himself.

9 year old me didn’t know what was happening, I was just scared. I tried whispering his name, then shouting it, then shaking him. Nothing worked.

My friend hadn’t seen me come inside the house, she didn’t know I was there. Her mum didn’t return for half an hour or so. I was screaming and banging on the windows, trying hopelessly to rouse him.

He had experienced a huge heart attack, dead the moment he hit the floor, but because of where he was and his huge size, propped against the door, no one could get into the bedroom for what felt like hours, but was minutes, before a neighbour came with a ladder in through the bedroom window.

That time as a 9 year old little girl, trapped in a room with a dead man, screaming and unable to get out or get help traumatised me for decades.

Listen to my son age 19 on the phone trying to get his words out through heart breaking sobbing to tell me he had found his father (my husband) dead due to suicide. I was 2 hrs away and that drive was so hard when I just wanted to get to my sons.

So sorry about your little boy too, its just not fair is it, especially when you were so young yourself.
Times like that you either sink or swim, I'm glad we both found the strength to swim x

My grandma telling me my dad wasn’t my real dad when I was 13, just as I was going to sleep. Cried myself to sleep. I really loved him.

Just be there for her, no questions or blame she is very young and will need you when the time comes.

Abusive/neglectful parents and associated bullying; DP's affair; DC's serious illness.

Sounds very weird but I felt that the first two had prepared me for the last... if I could survive that I could survive anything.

While I was in the A&E safe room with my 8yo, who had tried to end their life, I got the news that one of my parents was dying too.

It was years before I could feel anything properly again.

Please do not hate yourself - you are taking steps to combat the GAD by going for therapy. You are doing your best. I am sure you are a great mum. Sending hugs.

I relate to this, I have never done well in therapy as I don’t like talking about it but I’ve been working on dealing with it alone and what you said about understanding how many people let you down and the severity of it hits home. I’m sorry you had to go through that too, an internet hug being sent your way.

@AubernFable I’m sorry you’re able to relate. I was in therapy with the same person for 6 years, it took a full 18 months before I could verbalise what happened and to trust her enough to even mention it. It took another 6 months for me to be able to mention it again, and then a long time of picking through it all. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done but also the best investment in time and money I’ve ever made. I can honestly say I’ve recovered - I’m rarely triggered now and have healthy relationships with clear boundaries.

My daughter dying at 6 wks old. Being diagnosed with bilateral borderline cysts on both ovaries a year later while pregnant with my son, resulting in a subsequent hysterectomy was a close second.

No one is exempt from crap happening. It’s just as likely to be me as anyone else.

So many heartbreaking posts here.

Mine is family court, attempting to keep my child safe whilst cafcass and judges continually excused his behaviour and questioned mine.

I was terrified he would get unsupervised access to our child when he had tried to kill us both whilst I was trying to get us away.

Sorry for your loss.
My little boy was 6 months old. Even 21 years later I still question how I made it through that time in my life. I was 17 years old.
We are stronger than we realise.