Exes new baby isn't our problem?

The only thing you can offer is having the DSc’s more than 50/50 and waiving her responsibilities to the pay your DH CMA. Anything else would be bar shit. She is a grown woman and needs to take care of her own life.

The only real option here is too take on more of their custody (& use the maintenance payments he's paying & she will owe to get extra child care)

Are you responsible for her, her well being or that of her new baby ...its a hard no! But to be blunt, whilst you are with the Father of two of her kids, you are tied to her for life. Its not good but there we are. Partners come with baggage sometimes.

Its sounds like she has been problematic in the past and I can see why her behaviour is annoying BUT for the sake of trying to improve future relations, I would offer some support but I would put in place boundaries. I'm assuming her kids (baby aside) are getting to an age where they pick up on things. You and your husband do 50% of the childcare as it is so you are pulling your weight.

She is a single parent, with two young kids and a new born. Its tough having to take a new born on the school run.

I wouldn't tell her you will help....give an inch and they will take a mile but I would be patient for a few months and then review the situation.

You have no moral need to do this at all. And I know the new Daddy should be offering some support. But I see this as your chance to turn the relationship around, I'm not envisaging you inviting her for tea, just a hope that she may realise its better to all pull in the same direction instead of against each other, for the benefit of the kids involved. This will be you being generous.

The new mu''s ex and their families need to step up - I feel sorry for the older children though

No, it is up to the two people who created the new baby to facilitate it. OPs husband has his children 50% of the time. He is not responsible for providing for the ex's new baby, just because her other ex isn't doing what he's supposed to. Feel sorry for the first children if you want, but they are being affected by their mothers choice to have another child, not their fathers.

Her parents are also close by but they also work Monday- Friday.

Her parents could help with the shopping, flex their hours to do school drop-offs, and help with the older children either at the ex's house or take them for sleepovers.

If I were you I'd direct the sadface towards the parent that is not keeping up their contact time.

This

This!!!

It’s totally up to your husband to facilitate this, but you married him knowing he had a family.

There's been no suggestion that the DH has been at all derelict in his care of his DC though.

Because these children live with her 50% of the time. One would assume she cares about them. Yes, it’s not OP’s problem that the mum is having a hard time, but it is the DSC’s problem. It may feel easier to OP if she thinks of it as helping her DSC (who she cares about) rather than her DH’s ex who she doesn’t particularly like.

The more I read on here about step families the more it seems that the people who are losing out are the children. It’s totally up to your husband to facilitate this, but you married him knowing he had a family. I just feel very sorry for the first children. I’ve seen it happen to my friends.

Lifts for the dc, maybe, but I think the OP’s Dh should be the one to reorganise his work start time.

I don't think he should be. He already ensures that his children get to school on the days he has responsibility for them.

And the ex sounds like the type to take a mile when given an inch, so best to keep the boundaries firm.

The DH is doing school runs , the Ex is the one springing on extra days .
I would love to know where these fantasy workplaces are that allow a parent to just trundle in late because they've had to drop the DC on their NonContact Day . Not an emergency like illness or school closed ( there are Parental Leave days for this )
I know at my work it wouldn't be well recieved .

OP does your DH pay CM as you are 50/50?
You'll find you're doing a 60/40 or 70/30 split soon.
Is there after school or breakfast club at the DSC school?

I think she’s taking the piss asking for shopping when she could organise a delivery when the baby is napping and the older dc are at school. Lifts for the dc, maybe, but I think the OP’s Dh should be the one to reorganise his work start time. Why is the father not buying supplies for his baby?

So many typical MN responses.

OP states that her DH works full time doing early shifts but has made arrangements to take his kids to school having them 50% of the time. He is also the primary income for OPs family.Difficult ex gets pregnant by some guy who doesn’t want to stick around and won’t help out. She then makes unreasonable demands like OP and her Ex buying her stuff. With this there are several commenters saying OPs DH is in the wrong?

He needs to do the school run on the days he currently isn’t, so going beyond his 50%. How? Should he quit his job depriving OP and her family for an income because his job only allows him to meet his actual obligations not the unreasonable demands of the Ex?

I assume no one her has either worked a rigid job or been in a relationship with someone who does. Just saying “he has to do more” sound deeply ignorant of how flexible some jobs are. Perhaps people think OP should take up the full time role and her DH should go part time to give him the flexibility to care for their toddler and his DSC? This is obviously ridiculous and OP and her DH have arranged their lives to meet their responsibilities and are not obligated to adjust them to accommodate the unreasonable demands of his Ex.

Yes! This is obvious. @SerafinasGoose I think most posters who are all ‘ it would be so kind posters’ are the ones who in real life are a lot like @purplejeansandbiscoff partners ex. Vile to the new partner but expect everyone to pander to them when they need it

It does seem that you need to say “no, not tomorrow”. (Don’t add “sorry”, there’s nothing to apologise for). I think it’s hard for the ex to resist asking again and again if you accommodated her previously. (It would be hard to resist for many of us).

You seem surprised at the double standards but this is MN!

Then nip this in the bud and put an end to it. She chose to get pregnant, she chose the father of her baby, she chose to have the baby. Her circus. Her monkeys.

Still not the OP's problem, if the OP gives in to her demands now they'll never stop, there'll always be something else.

If your husband can facilitate any extra time or pick ups/drop offs for his children and wants to then fine, I personally wouldn't be doing anything to help a person that had been disrespectful to myself. This is her third child, she isn't a new 1st time mother, she knows what it's about and she has the benefit of 50:50 so has more than enough times to organise the shopping so she's stocked up.
She also has her own family and the father of the new baby to ask for help if she needs it.

You are right, this isn't your problem at all, you're already doing enough.

Wild that only a few weeks ago a step mum got flamed for asking her step kids mum to have the kids for a couple more days after she had given birth but it’s fine on this one for the dad and step mum to have them extra days to accommodate the mum 🤔

I would talk to the kids and see how they feeling at mums and go from there. Your DH needs to have a chat with her, she’s now a single mum regardless so is going to have to figure out what her new normal is

It's easy enough to order online with her weekly shop. You can even order groceries on Uber eats just eat and Tesco Whoosh. Why doesn't she ask the childs father for help? It's her responsibility to make sure she has enough nappies and milk for her child. Does she give you the money back when you get stuff for her?

Why? The OP isn't the mother of any of these children. The DH is and there's also another father so they need to help support their own children. Why does OP have to reframe anything? The ex chose to have more children. That's on her if she's struggling.