Exes new baby isn't our problem?

And that’s OP’s responsibility because…?

It’s up to their actual parents to step up.

If you don’t help, your dhs kids will suffer. That’s the reality

your right, it’s not your problem - but have some compassion. As someone who was also a single parent to a newborn - it is suffocating. I think it must have taken her a lot to reach out and ask for help here and there from you guys and I guess she feels comfortable to see you both as her ‘village’. I cannot imagine being a single mum to a newborn and having to parent another child on top of that. Being solely responsible for being up in the night every single night yet still having to be up for school and function for your other child - that’s basically impossible on like 3 hours sleep a night. It’s not your problem, but you can’t just see a person struggling (especially one that those struggles will impact your partners child) and just not want to help.

You can say no if it is problematic and you’re not getting to work in time. Many women have babies and have to get other children to school or nursery and go to work tired.

Surely your DH wants to act in the best interests of his children?

Yes he can, but defaulting to OP isn’t stepping up is it? It’s passing the buck!

OP I’d be busy the next few times you are asked, early meeting, going in a different direction, whatever to nip this in the bud.

Lots of married and single woman manage the school run with a newborn - they are quite portable.

What bizarre responses, well some of them at least.

Your husband was asked if he could drop children to school, he’s already committed to work so cannot.

You get asked (a bit cheeky), but it’s out of your way and makes you late.

Absolutely reasonable to say no can do. The answer seems obvious, so I don’t understand why people think you should be ‘nice’ and do it.

I'd be the same!

If a step mum was asking for help like this then she would be told to suck it up . Typical hypocritical mumsnet.

OP, this is your husbands business not yours.
Sounds like they are both making a mug of you.
You have one child not 3.
Drop the rope, you will bitterly regret all this pressure being placed on you when this was your time with your toddler.

Wild that only a few weeks ago a step mum got flamed for asking her step kids mum to have the kids for a couple more days after she had given birth but it’s fine on this one for the dad and step mum to have them extra days to accommodate the mum 🤔

Yes @Goldielocks2p22 this is what I was trying to say earlier in the thread, it’s a real double standard

In this metaphor, the doormat is rubber but has become worn and brittle with age.

She’s a single mum with one child 50% and a baby. Neither father she chose for her children is available to look after their child as much as she needs/wants.

She should have chosen better fathers.

What would she be doing if OP didn’t exist?

Of all the people in her life, how is OP the person to help? Does she not have parents, siblings, friends, a childminder, a friendly neighbour, parents of her child’s friends?

If the concern of the DH and his ex is that DSC have a familiar face (OP) at all times, then DH should be asking OP if she can possibly do more for the child (and even then I would query whether being pushed onto your stepmother is the best thing when you know your mum is home but just “tired” because is a new baby, and your dad is at work - stepmother can make adjustments but own parents can’t?). But he’s not. The ex is.

”Blended” families. Never.

Sorry missread your post through tiredness 🤣🤦‍♀️.

But OP is already being a hands-on stepmum. If anything's likely to damage these kids imo (though I really hope it doesn't), I'd say it's the sidelining by their own mother.

In my experience, if you're a doormat people keep walking all over you until you snap.

You'd be surprised. My DH's ex was happily remarried to a very hands-on dad/stepdad, and yet the list of things we apparently were supposed to be doing for her was unending. (I'm not talking about stuff for DSD, we were already doing that. These were favours we apparently owed her personally.)

I wouldn’t be making myself late for work so someone who is at home all day doesn't have to take their kids to school.

Wow, did they split up when she was pregnant? And now her ex is using work as an excuse not to be a dad to his newborn?

The OPs DH isn't the father, the ex had a baby with someone else.

From experience, I would caution that being too compassionate can also come back and bite you.

Yanbu - I can see that other pps say to be a little more compassionate as DH's ex is struggling with an 8 week old baby and as parents we have all had to deal with no sleep and the sometimes relentless slog that caring for children entails. But the baby will soon (if not already) be sleeping through the majority of the night and if it isn't then the new mum needs to adjust her routine to sleep when the baby sleeps and adjust the rest of her life around that including looking after two other children 50% of the time.
OP is trying to juggle her own life of pt working, parenting her own child, running her own home and doing some of the 50% childcare with her DH. Her DH is being asked to say yes for the OP when in reality he has no right to assume that OP will even (willingly or unwillingly) be able to help out. If taking the SDCs is on OPs way to work or wherever then no it's not much to ask but if it takes her 10 mins in the wrong direction that then creates problems for her then she is not unreasonable in how she feels and she should not be expected to do so. Her DH has already adjusted his work schedule around when they are due to have his DC and both he and OP struggle to help his ex outside of those times. So it not unreasonable to say no to his ex when she asks for help - the odd time here and there maybe but it's becoming too much of a habit just because she's had no sleep! She should get sort her DCs out and get them to school and go back home to sleep without constantly expecting her ex and OP to bail her out. It sounds like the frequency of these requests is the problem here and is becoming a bit of a mickey take!

Wow, did they split up when she was pregnant? And now her ex is using work as an excuse not to be a dad to his newborn?

It is quite astonishing to me that the ex doesn’t have more pride than to be begging favours from her own ex and his wife, with whom she has had not had an amicable relationship historically.

I’d utilise Amazon deliveries over such cheeky fucker behaviour, in her shoes. However she sounds like the sort of person who makes her problems anyone else’s rather than deal with them herself.

Nope, the mother who wanted more kids has to look after all her kids. Not OP’s problem, and not her partner’s problem, over and above his usual amount of contact. Why should they help her out? MN is very quick to tell women who’ve had DC with men who previously had children, that they shouldn’t have had more DC and they have no right to help. Same goes for women who wanted more kids than they already had.

I certainly wouldn't be doing this, OP. It will make your morning tomorrow significantly more stressful at the last minute. I don't think this is your DH's problem either - his ex has asked if he can drop the children tomorrow, but he's working, he can't. And this isn't him letting down an arrangement, it's being unable to expand that arrangement at the last minute.

The ex has a very long list of people who ought to be further up the "helping her" queue, and it's not your problem.

Or, get the child's biological father to step up. Yes, I see that they live with OP some of the time but that doesn't mean she's obliged to help out the mother outside of that arrangement. The OP clearly states in her post how fed up she is with this woman and how she wants the other father to get more involved.