Exes new baby isn't our problem?

OP already says she isn't 'nice enough' though.

She's a grown woman who I assume has access to the internet. Thus, can order her own nappies. Being she's already had 2 kids she'll be aware that a single pack of nappies does not last forever. So, instead of using her digits to text her ex husband for help- why doesn't she pull her finger out and do a little Amazon order or Tesco/Asda/Sainsbury's (insert delivering retailer here).

This ☝if she can't be civil and ask you nicely let her sort her own shit out!

"For context, her and DH historically don't even get along that well, it goes through patches of muddling along okay but she has always been demanding and there have been some really horrible times between them in the past."

She has parents living nearby so why can't they pickup nappies for her and drop DSC at school. Perhaps they know too well how demanding she can be,

Not step mums though. We can’t be kind to step mums . Sadly they are exempt from this on mumsnet 😔

Indefinitely, I imagine. After all, we've got to #bekind, girls...

Yes I remember that. The mum was in hospital with a new baby alone and everyone was like well you knew he had kids, you can’t just offload them when it suits you.

but when it’s the mum with the new baby suddenly everyone is one big village.

staggeringly hypocritical

Is it really that much bother picking something up from the shop on your way to someone? You'd do that for a relative or a friend, why not the coparent? If she's nice enough then I really don't see the issue, she's not asking you to babysit is she you never know when you may need a favour from her in the future. She's probably struggling

If she needs her children dropping at school... then it should be her ex (ie the children's father) that does this, not binning your responsibility off on another woman.
Typical.

So how many times do people think it would be reasonable for OP to be late to work to keep helping?

I remember this, I’ve not forgotten that post . It was appalling and the lack of humanity was astounding. It made me think , are people really that callous in real life . I would never ever recommend a step mum getting advice on mumsnet .

Discuss with your DH and provide help as much as you can to the extent that it helps him parent his older DC (without, of course, him simply palming off that responsibility to you).

Yes, she's no relation of is, yes, the SDC aren't your children. But you and your DH should work together about doing the best for his children within the means of your household.

Although I'm sure you're lovely, I do feel a bit sorry for the SDC in this!

The ex has parents close by but apparently they can't help because they work. OP works as well and is finding it difficult to get to work on time after the school drop off if the traffic is bad. Why is it OP's responsibility to juggle school drop offs with work but not the ex's parents or the actual father of the baby? OP doesn't need to be the patron saint of single mothers.

I wouldn't be doing favours for anyone who text my husband for my time, like he's my manager who gets to dictate my movements. If she wants a favour, she should ask you directly.

YANBU at all (however I'm a softy and would want to try and help her out if I could - also in the hope that this might improve things between everyone going forward). What is the situation with the baby's father (the XW's XP)? Is there a reason he isn't stepping up? I was thinking that breakfast club might be an idea for the kids so that their GPs (or even XW's XP) could drop them off before work.

I used to try and help out my DSS's mum when I could - but then she and I got on well.

There was a thread on here a while back where the step mum had a newborn in the NICU and asked the stepchild’s mum if she could have the child a bit extra so her husband could be with her n the hospital as she was an anxious mess. The mum refused and stepmom was without her husband as she stayed at the hospital and her had his son at their home.

MN absolutely lambasted the OP for daring to ask the mum to make an allowance. The hypocrisy of MN to step mums is staggering.

The sleep situation may not improve for ages so she needs to work out a better system - e.g. step kids stay at yours more often if you are happy to do school runs from yours, or she books them into breakfast club so grandparents can drop them off before work, or baby's dad has the baby some nights so she can recover.

Baby's dad/ grandparents/ Amazon/ supermarket can deal with any shopping deliveries.

Yep, SHE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!!!! Love this!

And if the older children think they’re getting pushed out, even temporarily, the damage wil be irreparable

She had a baby 2 month ago, for the sake of all mothers, especially single ones ,try to help her as much as you can. If she s asking you for help than I'd say she is desperate and really needs it. It is nice to help people you know especially sleep deprived single moms that obviously struggle

I know plenty of sleep deprived single mothers who would never ask their ex husbands new partner to help with the kids, especially when OP has a baby herself, works and has one child to drop off and probably drops the step kids in her DH’s day as well.

Realistically the new mum only does 2/3 days a week school runs or 5/10 school runs already - sounds like she’s doing now!!

Id have my phone off in the mornings. Start ignoring requests.

Some people are CF.

Calling all the step mum bashers …
SHE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. She knew what she was getting into ( the mum with the new baby ). Doesn’t she know the child would need nappies etc ? Didn’t she know having another child with all the blending would impact her first / other children .

No one on MN would ever expect the ex to help out when the exDH’s new partner had a baby; they get told they should have thought of the other kids before they decided to have more.

So true

All this village talk is nonsense....why are the ex husband and his partner the only people in the village to help?

They already have the child 50% of the time and I expect mum made a fuss over that.

She needs to get the babies dad to look after the baby to do the school run or ask her own parents to step in (all we know is they also work, or is there more where the disapprove perhaps of the choices of their daughter and are unwilling? Surely a lot of parents in they know their child is struggling with a newborn and has been ditched would be more forthcoming?).

And PP are right; she should be asking the latest father of the baby to help. And if he’s not around, she needs to get on with it and start making better life choices

What other way is it working here? The ex is having it all one way. And most people’s partners will be back at work by 8 weeks, so getting kids and a baby out to school, and getting food in the house is a normal expectation for most people.

No one on MN would ever expect the ex to help out when the exDH’s new partner had a baby; they get told they should have thought of the other kids before they decided to have more.

Kindness should run both ways.

So the OP and her DH do far more than was agreed to #bekind. What does the ex do that goes the other way?

It is healthy that she can call on you and the father of her older children when she's not coping with the new born.
I would continue to help out until the baby is four months old.
The baby will have had some of her shots and the weather will be much better for transporting the baby to and fro with the older children.
Be honest and say if you can't help.

Discuss with your DH and her whether it would be in the DSC best interests for you to have them for a day or two longer each week until Easter - it would be temporary and predictable.

It speaks volumes to your DSC that you want to support their household when the chips are down.

Kindness should run both ways.

They already have them 50% of the time. She gets a lot more time to tend to her baby and sort her life out than most mums of three. The baby is 8 weeks old, not 8 days.