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Original poster

To say I can’t believe he has missed another arranged call (long distance)?

64 replies

Carswell · 02/02/2025 16:11

My long distance boyfriend has a habit of missing our arranged times to talk. Because he studies he prefers to block off the time and talk at a specific time than call whenever.

I would say this happens half of the time we’re due to talk. So this morning we decided we’d talk at 4pm. He’s not online and he hasn’t called.

in the last week I’ve also suffered a bereavement. I’ve been looking forward to it and I find it unbelievably rude.

other than this he visits regularly and has been in touch every day by messaging to offer support. But this makes me feel so disrespected. I think he might have undiagnosed ADHD but I don’t think it’s an excuse.

OP posts:
NeverDropYourMooncup · 02/02/2025 18:13

Carswell · 02/02/2025 18:08

I find it odd too. I stopped what I was doing at 3.40pm so there was no way I’d miss it.

he then was talking about how he plans to make a three course meal for Valentine’s Day. He’s good at talking himself out of a hole. I’d rather just have the on time call!

Well, yes, of course he can do the cooking thing - it sounds as though you're going to be with him so he's going to get a shag out of it.

Actually being reliably around for you emotionally outside of those occasions where he isn't going to personally benefit from it (or is already benefiting from the attentions of somebody living far closer to him)? No chance.

2025willbemytime · 02/02/2025 18:11

He's good at talking himself out of a hole as you fall for it..

babasaclover · 02/02/2025 18:10

Sounds like he switches his phone off when he's with his wife. No one in 2025 switches their phone off like this if you are their actual partner. Get rid

Goodadvice1980 · 02/02/2025 18:10

Here we go again …..

OP you never take any advice offered so why keep posting about this guy! He clearly isn’t on the same page as you with regards to a relationship.

TwistedWonder · 02/02/2025 18:08

Why on earth do you need to put up with behaviour that you find rude?

Original poster
Carswell · 02/02/2025 18:08

I find it odd too. I stopped what I was doing at 3.40pm so there was no way I’d miss it.

he then was talking about how he plans to make a three course meal for Valentine’s Day. He’s good at talking himself out of a hole. I’d rather just have the on time call!

OP posts:
Wonderi · 02/02/2025 18:05

Carswell · 02/02/2025 17:52

The thing is that when we are together I get all his concentrated attention. We see each other every couple of weeks for up to a week each time.

he said he got immersed in work, looked at the clock and it was 3.50pm then the next time he looked he was late! He said does that not happen to you, I said it doesn’t where you’re concerned.

Sorry OP but that’s even more BS.

He checked the time and it was 10mins before he was supposed to ring you.

There’s no way he would have thought he’d squeeze in 10mins of studying before ringing.

2025willbemytime · 02/02/2025 17:53

Carswell · 02/02/2025 17:43

he phoned back nearly half an hour later and spoke for over an hour.

He apologised and said ‘I really should put that alarm on.’ So why not do it then?

this is the worst of his bad qualities so I may just need to put up with it, but god I find it so rude.

No, you don't just need to put up with it. You choose to or to walk away. He's not the only man in the world should you think you need one.

Original poster
Carswell · 02/02/2025 17:52

The thing is that when we are together I get all his concentrated attention. We see each other every couple of weeks for up to a week each time.

he said he got immersed in work, looked at the clock and it was 3.50pm then the next time he looked he was late! He said does that not happen to you, I said it doesn’t where you’re concerned.

OP posts:
PreciousRighteousTeacher · 02/02/2025 17:51

@bluefluffster oh flipping heck surely not her again! She never listens to a single thing that any poster suggests to her.

Wonderi · 02/02/2025 17:50

Is he doing a phd?

I’ve known anyone to miss phone calls because they’re studying.

Once or even twice I would forgive but sorry to say he just sounds like he isn’t that in to you.

If I knew I had an appointment I would be keeping an eye on the clock.

Why not arrange a time when he’s not studying?

Soontobe60 · 02/02/2025 17:47

Carswell · 02/02/2025 17:43

he phoned back nearly half an hour later and spoke for over an hour.

He apologised and said ‘I really should put that alarm on.’ So why not do it then?

this is the worst of his bad qualities so I may just need to put up with it, but god I find it so rude.

He totally isn't the one for you I'm afraid. You’re at the bottom of his priority list. Get rid and have some self respect!

Spurber · 02/02/2025 17:44

He's shagging someone else

Original poster
Carswell · 02/02/2025 17:43

he phoned back nearly half an hour later and spoke for over an hour.

He apologised and said ‘I really should put that alarm on.’ So why not do it then?

this is the worst of his bad qualities so I may just need to put up with it, but god I find it so rude.

OP posts:
GreyAreas · 02/02/2025 17:41

If you find it rude it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. We can all speculate that he's hyper focusing and it's unintentional, or that he's an ogre, but ultimately if it's not working for you then it's not working. How do you intend to address it?

Gone12 · 02/02/2025 17:29

He's got one or more girlfriends nearer to home or is married.

Have you ever visited him, @Carswell ? Are you both in the UK? Or is there a time zone difference?

Redcandlescandal · 02/02/2025 17:02

He sounds rather married to me…

Semiramide · 02/02/2025 17:00

Ragwort · 02/02/2025 16:45

I agree with other posters, you must be the same Op that posts endlessly about this 'relationship' ... you need to let it go, have some self esteem, end it and find other interests, friends, hobbies etc to focus on. You seem to be obsessed with this chap, he's obviously not nearly as keen as you are and perhaps like the thought of you desperately waiting by the phone at a certain time.

I'm not familiar with your back story, but these are my immediate thoughts. Why are you continuing to flog this apparently dead horse?

CarnivorousHipPain · 02/02/2025 17:00

I'd be really upset by that.

biggreenapple24 · 02/02/2025 16:55

I think I'd just be unavailable to chat ever again. It's SO rude.

Crunchymum · 02/02/2025 16:49

GetDownkeith · 02/02/2025 16:35

Have you not posted about this boyfriend several times before? I am not sure what other advice you are looking for.

It does sound very familiar.

100% something incredibly dodgy here @Carswell

2025willbemytime · 02/02/2025 16:47

Maybe he's engrossed in his studying and doesn't want to break off. But have another chat then decide from there.

LauritaEvita · 02/02/2025 16:45

Dump him. Adhd ir being a student are not justifications for being completely unavailable or only available on his scheduled terms. Get a fella who can’t wait to talk to you. You don’t be able to believe how good it feels.

Ragwort · 02/02/2025 16:45

I agree with other posters, you must be the same Op that posts endlessly about this 'relationship' ... you need to let it go, have some self esteem, end it and find other interests, friends, hobbies etc to focus on. You seem to be obsessed with this chap, he's obviously not nearly as keen as you are and perhaps like the thought of you desperately waiting by the phone at a certain time.

HRTQueen · 02/02/2025 16:43

either take the very obvious hint or keep hanging on hoping he will change

he isn’t that interested

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