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Original poster

To be apprehensive about this

106 replies

CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 12:39

So my ex left me for another woman a few months ago and he has just asked me to send a picture of the children’s passports as he is taking them on holiday with her and the grandparents. The children are 4 and 7 and I have never ever met this woman. I want them to go and have a good time and he questioned who I was punishing here.

OP posts:
Original poster
CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:52

ChangingHistory · 02/02/2025 14:48

He is their dad and can make decisions like this, you have no say, he didn't even have to tell you OW was going.

I do agree with you but there is nothung you can do and in all honesty a random woman is of little risk to your kids especially when they are with their GP too.

The other way round would be much worse, you taking kids away with a man you barely knew. You could discuss that with him and see how he'd feel but I doubt it'd change his mind.

Why would it be worse if it was the other way round?

OP posts:
JessiesJ99 · 02/02/2025 14:51

JennyTalworts · 02/02/2025 14:44

It's not funny though is it?

No need for the emojis when you're talking about families splitting up.

And as previously said, many women can and do behave like shit also when it comes to this sort of thing.

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I wasn't talking about OP. She's only talking post split. I was speaking to another poster about some of the men people post about on here. No need for you to get involved Jenny 😂😅🤣😂😅🤣

Oh God, sorry - I've done it again!

ChangingHistory · 02/02/2025 14:48

He is their dad and can make decisions like this, you have no say, he didn't even have to tell you OW was going.

I do agree with you but there is nothung you can do and in all honesty a random woman is of little risk to your kids especially when they are with their GP too.

The other way round would be much worse, you taking kids away with a man you barely knew. You could discuss that with him and see how he'd feel but I doubt it'd change his mind.

Bodybutterblusher · 02/02/2025 14:48

CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 12:58

I just don’t know who this woman is and I suppose I don’t need to, I just feel like it is moving a bit fast and I wouldn’t do that but I suppose we are all different. The kids have been through a lot and of course I know they will be safe with their grandparents. Just a bit of a shock that’s all, I have sent the passports. He also said that the kids don’t get a choice about going he is their dad.

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He sounds like a bully. Ultimately he's right, he can get access, but you don't need to make it easy for him if you have genuine concerns.

Original poster
CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:46

The past 6 months have been absolute hell for me. I never in a million years thought he would treat us like this. I feel like a fool and no it really isn’t funny.

OP posts:
JennyTalworts · 02/02/2025 14:44

JessiesJ99 · 02/02/2025 14:40

I know, but I'm talking about when they're still together!! Like why the hell did you have kids with this man?! 😂
I'm not surprised when these same men go on to behave like this when they split.
Honestly, I can't believe it.

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It's not funny though is it?

No need for the emojis when you're talking about families splitting up.

And as previously said, many women can and do behave like shit also when it comes to this sort of thing.

Original poster
CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:43

biscuitsandbooks · 02/02/2025 14:43

No.

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I think he thinks I do and I am jealous.

OP posts:
Willyoujustbequiet · 02/02/2025 14:43

BeaAndBen · 02/02/2025 13:24

I don't think you get a vote, OP. Presumably he has parental responsibility?

If so, he can take them on holiday with his parents and whatever rando he's bumped into in the street if he wants. As could you, if you wanted to take them on holiday.

Legally he needs the OPs written consent to go abroad unless he has a court order. So she could stop him if she wanted.

biscuitsandbooks · 02/02/2025 14:43

CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:27

Does it mean that I still love him though?

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No.

biscuitsandbooks · 02/02/2025 14:42

JessiesJ99 · 02/02/2025 14:40

I know, but I'm talking about when they're still together!! Like why the hell did you have kids with this man?! 😂
I'm not surprised when these same men go on to behave like this when they split.
Honestly, I can't believe it.

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You have a point Grin

Original poster
CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:41

JessiesJ99 · 02/02/2025 14:40

I know, but I'm talking about when they're still together!! Like why the hell did you have kids with this man?! 😂
I'm not surprised when these same men go on to behave like this when they split.
Honestly, I can't believe it.

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Sadly you don’t realise this stuff until kids come along. When you need them to step up

OP posts:
JessiesJ99 · 02/02/2025 14:40

biscuitsandbooks · 02/02/2025 14:36

In fairness, it's not just men. Lots of women behave appallingly in splits too!

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I know, but I'm talking about when they're still together!! Like why the hell did you have kids with this man?! 😂
I'm not surprised when these same men go on to behave like this when they split.
Honestly, I can't believe it.

Original poster
CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:37

JennyTalworts · 02/02/2025 14:34

I've seen both grown men and grown women act appallingly after a split, like they've turned into completely different people.

Normally caused by jealousy and resentment.

The kids of course end up caught in the crossfire.

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This is exactly how I feel. It’s like I don’t even know who he is anymore. He is so elusive

OP posts:
biscuitsandbooks · 02/02/2025 14:36

JessiesJ99 · 02/02/2025 14:29

I've read on here so many ridiculous stories about the father's of people's children that I'm not surprised a lot of them can't be civil. The stories are unbelievable that grown men behave in these ways 🙄

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In fairness, it's not just men. Lots of women behave appallingly in splits too!

biscuitsandbooks · 02/02/2025 14:36

CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:26

I just don’t understand why he said I can meet her when I am not angry? I think I have been quite easy in the circumstances and it hurt me when he asked me why I am punishing the kids. It was just a shock

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Honestly, I wouldn't try to understand it. Either he doesn't want you to meet her, or she doesn't want to meet you, or possibly a combination of both.

At the end of the day, you have no right to meet her and she's free not to meet you if she'd prefer.

JennyTalworts · 02/02/2025 14:34

JessiesJ99 · 02/02/2025 14:29

I've read on here so many ridiculous stories about the father's of people's children that I'm not surprised a lot of them can't be civil. The stories are unbelievable that grown men behave in these ways 🙄

Show quote history

I've seen both grown men and grown women act appallingly after a split, like they've turned into completely different people.

Normally caused by jealousy and resentment.

The kids of course end up caught in the crossfire.

JessiesJ99 · 02/02/2025 14:29

biscuitsandbooks · 02/02/2025 14:19

The problem is that you can't force someone to be reasonable or respectful.

People often behave irrationally or unreasonably when they're hurt or angry, or when they've met someone new. Unfortunately, you can't hold someone to a "promise" they may have made during marriage either!

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I've read on here so many ridiculous stories about the father's of people's children that I'm not surprised a lot of them can't be civil. The stories are unbelievable that grown men behave in these ways 🙄

JennyTalworts · 02/02/2025 14:28

CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:27

Does it mean that I still love him though?

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Not necessarily.

I could just mean you're grieving for your old family life, before it all went tits up.

Completely normal.

Original poster
CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:27

biscuitsandbooks · 02/02/2025 14:24

I think it's totally normal to be bothered about your ex moving on and your children having a relationship with another adult that you know nothing about - don't beat yourself up.

You're doing the right thing by letting them go away with their dad and grandparents - they'll have a lovely time I'm sure. Just make sure you do something nice for yourself while they're away :)

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Does it mean that I still love him though?

OP posts:
JennyTalworts · 02/02/2025 14:27

graffittimonkey · 02/02/2025 14:22

"She has a son who presume is going too."

And is your ex the type of man who's likely to spend the day in the pool with three DC, entertaining them all whilst the gf reads her book in peace?

Or is he more likely to be grabbing a couple of beers with his dad while the gf and MIL do childcare?

I know the OP has said this is not the case, but even if it was, the kids would still have a great time by the sound of it.

And that's what I think parents need to concentrate on after a split, rather than what an arse the other parent is or isn't.

Original poster
CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:26

biscuitsandbooks · 02/02/2025 14:24

I think it's totally normal to be bothered about your ex moving on and your children having a relationship with another adult that you know nothing about - don't beat yourself up.

You're doing the right thing by letting them go away with their dad and grandparents - they'll have a lovely time I'm sure. Just make sure you do something nice for yourself while they're away :)

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I just don’t understand why he said I can meet her when I am not angry? I think I have been quite easy in the circumstances and it hurt me when he asked me why I am punishing the kids. It was just a shock

OP posts:
JessiesJ99 · 02/02/2025 14:26

JennyTalworts · 02/02/2025 14:10

I get exactly what you're saying but it's still illogical isn't it?

A photo would put a face to the name and it would be just as much 'help' in the whole situation.

If for example the woman hated children and was a horrible person, she's not going to reveal that with a quick 'hello'.

In fact you could invite her to dinner and it still wouldn't be revealed.

And even if it was, what's the ex going to do, stop dating her because their mum doesn't like her?

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As I say, I haven't experienced this. I guess I always thought it was a given that as adults with the dc's best interests in mind, that is what would happen.
I'm not into drama and jealousy 🤣

I would respect my ex enough as the father of my children to ensure he knew the person who was around his kids. I think this is especially important to some men due to concerns around abuse from new male partners.

biscuitsandbooks · 02/02/2025 14:24

CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:22

I keep thinking why am I so bothered? Do I still love him? I should be happy for them to go.

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I think it's totally normal to be bothered about your ex moving on and your children having a relationship with another adult that you know nothing about - don't beat yourself up.

You're doing the right thing by letting them go away with their dad and grandparents - they'll have a lovely time I'm sure. Just make sure you do something nice for yourself while they're away :)

Original poster
CleoMantra · 02/02/2025 14:23

graffittimonkey · 02/02/2025 14:22

"She has a son who presume is going too."

And is your ex the type of man who's likely to spend the day in the pool with three DC, entertaining them all whilst the gf reads her book in peace?

Or is he more likely to be grabbing a couple of beers with his dad while the gf and MIL do childcare?

The grandparents are not very hands on to be fair. He does play with them really well it’s the other stuff.

OP posts:
graffittimonkey · 02/02/2025 14:22

"She has a son who presume is going too."

And is your ex the type of man who's likely to spend the day in the pool with three DC, entertaining them all whilst the gf reads her book in peace?

Or is he more likely to be grabbing a couple of beers with his dad while the gf and MIL do childcare?