Do you ever wish you could go back in time and choose differently

I waste a lot of time wishing that I'd made better choices. There is no way to do that so I should put my energy and effort into now and my future.

OMG, yes.

(1) went to the grammar school I was originally offered (parents refused it as it was Catholic and we weren't RC).

(2) took the second (lower paid) job I was offered on leaving school as I now see it had more long term opportunities.

(3) married later than I did.

It’s tricky, and like what PPs have said.

The biggest mistake I ever made was moving in with my ex, but if I hadn’t done that then I wouldn’t be where I am now, and I love where I am now.

Of course I might have ended up somewhere even better.

I remember once having a terrifyingly realistic dream where I wanted to go back and change my life, and the life I got was the life I have now. It's not perfect (though I've learned interesting things) but what I escaped from was so much worse.

So sometimes I wonder if we do get that chance to change things, but forget about the previous version of our lives, and end up complaining about things we could be quite grateful for!

Sorry, that should read '15 year old self'!

I recall a 'what you would tell your 25 year old self' thread from a while back. 90% of the responses were 'study harder and don't chase after that loser'!

In retrospect I was very fortunate because I went to an academic girls secondary school, 73-80 (I'm that old!) where having a boyfriend at 15 was 'okay' but not in the slightest bit usual, but you certainly hid the fact you were sleeping with him, if you were! Most of my friends lost their virginity at around 17 or 18, but we were all heading for careers so weren't about to get bogged down by boys in our hometown!

That was pure luck.

If I have any regrets they are allowing my wine consumption to get a bit out of hand, and getting overweight (related!), and maybe we should've got married and had our two DSs 3-4 years earlier than we did, but me and DH were still having too much fun to consider it.

I'd have started a family sooner, and tried for a second child much earlier.

Yes I feel like this a lot. If I could send a message back to my 18yo self my life would be so different. We make so many choices based in incorrect information, ill-informed assumptions, insufficient self-awareness and blind arrogance.

But we each get issued with one life.

I found listening to the Audiobook of The Midnight Library by Matt Haig to be really helpful. The central character gets an opportunity to explore all the might-have-been alternative paths for all the different choices that she regrets over her life, and has a go at working out how to find peace with the paths chosen.

My only real regret is my ex. Looking back the red flags were there but I was very young and had rose coloured glasses on. I know id be in a much better place now had i not got with him. But although I despise this man, if I hadn't got with him then I wouldn't have my children. And I wouldn't give them up for the world.

But yes, OP I think most people have regrets in life.

Yes. All the time. Every little twist and turn I obsess over. It’s really unhealthy and I wish I could stop. I’ve had therapy to try and tackle it and I know it’s such a waste of energy but I still fall in the traps of ‘what ifs’.

Yes, I wish I hadn't been so set on having a family and a LTR when I was 18-30. I should have focused on my career instead and I maybe wouldn't be so jaded now, mid 40's at how many men can have it all and still want more - their grass is always greener. Women really do need to think of themselves first, 'cos the men certainly do! I wish more women had been honest with me that they settle or ignore things that really hurt, like cheating, then I wouldn't have bothered.

So much so OP - I’d like to go back to 1986 and start over as that I feel was the start of my really good opportunities- I’d have made different choices and not wasted them

This is how I feel. When I look back I can see lots of mistakes and things I would do differently now, but you can only live one life and I have no complaints about mine. I can also see that some of my good choices turned to shit through no fault of mine, and some of my slapdash or downright stupid decisions turned out great in the end, so I don't even think things would necessarily turn out better if we made all the wisest choices.

Only if I could still have the DH, DC and life I have now. Definitely regret some things around early adulthood, starting with decisions and choices I made in sixth form and university. Still annoyed with myself about some of the career, education, house purchase and relationship choices I made. But well into my fifties now and I wouldn't want a do-over. I'm much more at the stage of hoping my young adult dc make the right choices in similar situations!

A common theme does seem to be relationships.

I'm happily single now and planning to stay that way. But in all honestly, I have only reached that point because of my bad relationships in the past. If I hadn't had them I would still be "looking for love" and would probably be disappointed!

So even there I can't say I wish I'd chosen differently because none of them were all bad. There were some good times. And I feel at this point able to make an informed choice on whether I think it's worth trying again (I don't 😂). I wouldn't swap that for never having had a relationship. Because I know I'd be yearning for one if that was the case.

Yes! I would have chosen a different husband. Definitely.

I'm 78, and so a lot of years to look back on. Yes, I made some dreadful choices in the past... I'm talking 40 and 50 years ago... but I'm pretty content with where I'm at now.

Would I want a do-over? Heck no, I'm looking forward, and I would hate to be where I was 50 years ago.

This is something I tend to mull over when I'm feeling a bit low. There are things I'd possibly change but then I wouldn't be where I am today or have my kids so when I really dig into it I probably wouldn't.

No, what's done is done. Draw the lessons from it and keep moving forward. Appreciate where you are now, use it to build on.

I’d have chosen a different uni and also travelled more

Every day. I wish at 18 I had stayed home that one Saturday night when I met my son's useless father

Some things I'd change. Most of them I wouldn't, because if I did go back and change the past, then my dc wouldn't exist.

Yes, I wish I had dumped my ex when I first found out he lied to me. Then I wish I had gone for that drink with the guy from my university's rugby team (he was everything I wanted and still want in a man) instead of staying with my ex.

I often wonder what would have happened if I had done both of those things. I certainly wouldn't have gone through the abuse I did with my ex. I may even have had a proper career path and a decent husband and some children. Who knows.

But there's no point dwelling on what could have been. The future is still there to be written so I just worry about the here and now. I can't change the past but I can change the future.

When I was 19 I was in uni and thriving until I got into an abusive relationship which impacted my mental health severely. He was evil, the worst kind of human you could think of. I tried to end my own life, I quit the course I was thriving in and just haven’t been the same again. I wish I didn’t look in this guys direction, I would go back and not turn up the the event I met him at. I definitely think my life, my career, my mental health, my relationships with people, the way I perceive myself etc would be so much different and better than it is now if I didn’t meet him.