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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To give up working

141 replies

BrickZebra · 02/02/2025 09:56

AIBU to quit working? For the past 12 years I’ve worked in a job I absolutely loathe, 3 out of 5 days are vile, the others manageable. The issue is it is extremely well paid, I would never ever get anywhere near what I earn again…I’ve tried!!!

This job has allowed me to pay off our mortgage and we also own another home so are more than comfortable, we have security. My husband also earns equally as well. We could survive on his wage very very easily.

He doesn’t want me to quit. What should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
BrickZebra · 02/02/2025 12:27

Neodymium · 02/02/2025 12:23

I really want to know what the job is!

PR for a bank.

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/02/2025 12:24

Is there not a halfway house where you get a less well paid job but still work and contribute?

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 02/02/2025 12:24

I don't think you can unilaterally decide that he needs to be the sole earner. That isn't reasonable.

Having said that, I don't think that he can unilaterally decide that the children and the housework are your responsibility. That isn't reasonable either.

If he wants you to contribute equally from a financial perspective, he needs to do an equal share of the other stuff. Anything other than a 50/50 split of all responsibilities needs to be negotiated so that you both feel things are fair and workable.

StormingNorman · 02/02/2025 12:23

You and DH need to come to an agreement. It would be unfair to make this decision unilaterally. If my DH did that it would probably be the end of our relationship.

Neodymium · 02/02/2025 12:23

I really want to know what the job is!

Original poster
BrickZebra · 02/02/2025 12:22

IVFmumoftwo · 02/02/2025 12:20

Can't you go part time?

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My company won’t allow it unfortunately

OP posts:
Original poster
BrickZebra · 02/02/2025 12:22

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 02/02/2025 12:20

Oh!

Why doesn't he want you to quit?

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He wants me to do 5-10 more years so we can really build up investments.

OP posts:
IVFmumoftwo · 02/02/2025 12:20

BrickZebra · 02/02/2025 12:19

DH absolutely loves his job! An absolute workaholic and due to this I pick up all the additional work in terms of looking after the house, running after our 3 boys. This is why I’ve gone straight to the idea of just not working.

Can't you go part time?

Original poster
BrickZebra · 02/02/2025 12:20

EmmaMaria · 02/02/2025 12:13

Your job did not enable you to pay off the mortgage unless you were the only person working. It was both your jobs. YABU - if you can afford to take a cut in pay and you both agree that, then fine. But whether you will be able to manage on one wage is irrelevant - he doesn't want to be paying for your life of leisure and I don't blame him.

Paid off by my bonus’s

OP posts:
sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 02/02/2025 12:20

BrickZebra · 02/02/2025 12:19

DH absolutely loves his job! An absolute workaholic and due to this I pick up all the additional work in terms of looking after the house, running after our 3 boys. This is why I’ve gone straight to the idea of just not working.

Oh!

Why doesn't he want you to quit?

Original poster
BrickZebra · 02/02/2025 12:19

DH absolutely loves his job! An absolute workaholic and due to this I pick up all the additional work in terms of looking after the house, running after our 3 boys. This is why I’ve gone straight to the idea of just not working.

OP posts:
IVFmumoftwo · 02/02/2025 12:18

Fencehedge · 02/02/2025 11:47

But he's a super earner and they don't need her wage?

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If he loses his job...?

WhisperingTree · 02/02/2025 12:17

Barely anyone love their work. Or we would all do it for nothing or at least very little money.

EmmaMaria · 02/02/2025 12:13

Your job did not enable you to pay off the mortgage unless you were the only person working. It was both your jobs. YABU - if you can afford to take a cut in pay and you both agree that, then fine. But whether you will be able to manage on one wage is irrelevant - he doesn't want to be paying for your life of leisure and I don't blame him.

minipie · 02/02/2025 12:12

You can’t require your H to support you financially if he doesn’t agree to

I do wonder however why he’s so keen for you to keep doing a job you hate given you clearly don’t really need the money. Doesn’t sound very nice. Does he also hate his job and it’s a sort of “you can’t quit if I can’t?”

WitchesCauldron · 02/02/2025 12:10

BrickZebra · 02/02/2025 09:56

AIBU to quit working? For the past 12 years I’ve worked in a job I absolutely loathe, 3 out of 5 days are vile, the others manageable. The issue is it is extremely well paid, I would never ever get anywhere near what I earn again…I’ve tried!!!

This job has allowed me to pay off our mortgage and we also own another home so are more than comfortable, we have security. My husband also earns equally as well. We could survive on his wage very very easily.

He doesn’t want me to quit. What should I do?

Quit.

Never do a job where the salary is compensation for doing the job in the first place.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 02/02/2025 12:10

Reduce your working days so less intolerable perhaps?

jeaux90 · 02/02/2025 12:04

Very entitled OP just find another job, no one loves working!

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 02/02/2025 11:58

Fencehedge · 02/02/2025 11:47

But he's a super earner and they don't need her wage?

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Maybe he could quit too? And they can live happily ever after.

Daisy12Maisie · 02/02/2025 11:52

I don't think it's fair to your husband to not work at all whilst he is working but I also don't think he can tell you you must stay in that particular job when it's not a case of you need that amount of money to put food on the table. Get a different job even if it pays less. If he is unhappy say he can also get a different job. If you are mortgage free with a rental house even 2 minimum wage jobs would be more than enough to live on. Paying off your mortgage has given you choices but I don't think it's enough to not work at all. Or if it's possible work part time in your current post.

moose62 · 02/02/2025 11:50

Is it because of the money or the fact he wants you to have a job and pull your weight. Would he feel the same if you quit this job but found another at a lower salary?

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 02/02/2025 11:49

If your husband is also unhappy in his job (is that why he doesn't want you to quit??) .....could you both CHANGE jobs but both keep working?

Would that be fairer overall?

Fencehedge · 02/02/2025 11:49

IVFmumoftwo · 02/02/2025 11:43

Oh give over. Many would not want to be paying for everything on just the one wage.

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Then if OP's choices are incompatible with her husband's wishes, there are consequences.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 02/02/2025 11:47

Your financial situation gives you some options that others wouldn’t have.

Would going part time be possible/address some of the issues?
If you move to a different company doing the same thing - likely to solve the issues? Are the issues more your work culture/colleagues or something integral to the industry?
Could you retrain into something adjacent, or even something very different?

Fencehedge · 02/02/2025 11:47

Ameliepoulainandthephotobooth · 02/02/2025 11:44

Is it controlling to want your partner to contribute to the household finances? Damn.

Op is only thinking of two options, stay in a well paid job that they hate or no job at all. I’m not surprised that the partner isn’t happy. Where’s the other options.

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But he's a super earner and they don't need her wage?