To give up working

Why don't you tell him that you are not happy with his lack of contribution to anything at home. Why should all the cooking, cleaning, childcare be left up to you when you have such a demanding high paying job?

Anyway, who made him the boss of you?

Can you do anything to make the role more bearable? Compressed hours, WFH, move to another team?

I don't work now and my DH does. It doesn't cause any problems at all. We've got more time to do things together and I'm so much happier.

Why are 2 days manageable and the other 3 aren't? Is that when you WFH?

You sound comfortably off, so can you give up work and retrain in something you like, or start up a small business from home?

Personally, you're a long time dead. Jack it in if possible and enjoy your life.

OP would buying in support at home help? A cleaner who doesn’t mind doing laundry and ironing, and leaving a shepherds pie or bolognaise in the fridge for you to warm through. A FT or PT nanny who can do school runs, hobby round trips. A VA who can take on some of the mental load.

He's been a passenger as far as housework and childcare is concerned. OP is currently working full-time, doing everything in the house and with the children and it's her bonuses that have paid off their mortages.

Presumably you would expect your partner to also share the job of running the home, cooking, cleaning, looking after the 3 children etc.

I would never agree to be the full financial support for an adult and our offspring, so am Team DH here.

If I married someone on the basis that we were both high earners and then they bait & switched me by quitting work or going part time / low paid, it would be a dealbreaker.

I think something like you completely stopping work has to be a joint decision.

Whilst obviously you being happy is important, your husband is not unreasonable in wanting you to continue to contribute to the household finances and him not being the only earner.

Could you look at alternative jobs that you could realistically do that would offer a better work life balance and sit down and have a full discussion about the logistics?

I dont think you taking a pay drop is unreasonable if its something you can afford as a family and would improve your quality of life but I think it would be unfair to stop work altogether if dh isnt on board with this.

My dad nearly died aged 50 due to stress and a heart condition. I was 18. He had to take medical retirement and his biggest regret was all those hours spent working and missing out on me and my brother growing up.

It's good to assess what is important in life. Lots of people get focused on saving money and investments but forget to live for the now.

I'd change jobs and or go part time but I wouldn't give up working as I don't like being dependent on someone else for money.

Look at your skill set and then look at different sectors where those skills would be valued.

https://www.charityjob.co.uk/

Exactly. I know that if I was in OP's position, my DH would not want me to be destroying my mental health in a job that makes me miserable. And that's without us having the security of owning two houses outright, like the OP.

Sometimes when you're really miserable in a job, the desire to walk out and never have to do it again is all consuming. In that mindset it's hard to look for a new job successfully as you're not presenting the best version of yourself. I think quitting and taking a sabbatical for a couple of months to clear your head makes sense, then you can focus your efforts on finding a more suitable type of work.

Never do a job where the salary is compensation for doing the job in the first place.

If everyone took that view, probably 90% of us wouldn't work. A salary is literally compensation for having to work - you are selling your labour in exchange for money.

I stepped back from a career I initially loved, had 22 happy, well paid, rewarding years, but then re organisation and new blood (the bullying kind) made it hell for me and lots of my colleagues. It affected me badly in terms of stress, and I knew I had to do something. Sat down with OH, we worked out our finances, decided on a plan of action, I was lucky enough to leave with a big payout, I knew we would survive financially, and I decided to do some voluntary work, doing something I really enjoyed, with a nice organisation who really looked after volunteers. Made some new friends, regained my confidence, and never looked back. I was mid forties. Had a supportative OH, I enjoyed being at home, sorting out the house, spending hours in my garden, spent more time making sure my lovely parents were ok, had holidays, days out etc… Never looked back.

OP said he's happy, loves his job and is workaholic.
I'm surprised that very few replies have dealt with the fact that OP is essentially doing 2 jobs already, freeing up DH to do his thing.
OP says they have more than one house and enough money to be secure. Dh wants to build up investments.. all very well, but the cost of his wife's mental health?

Well that’s not fair. I’d talk about that.

but the bottom line is one cannot demand to stay home and be funded, male or female. It needs to be agreed by both parties.

so I’d look for another job, and if there is an issue in the home chores speak to him about that. Or outsource ie cleaner, childcare etc,

His income was our income, I invested some in my name (on advice, and with his knowledge obviously) and it all worked out fine.
Like I said, I never felt vulnerable because I wasn't.

I could not agree more. Earning and providing for your family is one thing, working in a job you hate, no matter how well paid, when you don't financially need to...is a waste of life imo.

Your happiness and happiness should be paramount to him

by that measure his happiness should be paramount to her.

OP, I think there are 2 different issues here : the first is you hate your job, and the second being that you have sole responsibility for running the house and dealing with 3 DC.
I'm wondering if your feelings about the job are affected by the stress of your family responsibilities - if you are working at a high level, then presumably getting home in time to do the kid stuff is going to cause you a lot of pressure. I can tell you that with 3 DC and working as a solicitor and pressurised for time at both ends of the day I felt like a ticking time bomb.
I think you need to discuss this more with DH.. if you continue in this job, he needs to take over responsibility for x, y and z so that some of the pressure on you is relieved, as you cannot continue the way things are.
If, on the other hand, the pressure is the job itself, then tell him you are looking for another job as this one is making you unhappy.
Your happiness and happiness should be paramount to him.

I don’t think you can demand he funds you no. So either save enough you can self support, or keep working.

we I guess are in a similar situation, I would not be happy at all if my husband decided he was quitting and I could pay for everything.

Your choice to not work will inevitably extend your husband’s requirement to work, regardless of how much he loves it, if there are target investment levels to achieve
He may fear you becoming dull and home focused where he finds the fact you have a career interesting
He may resent the idea of everything ongoing wage related falling on his shoulders
If my husband suddenly said he didn’t want to work I would hope he had a good plan for how he is going to fund his non working days. I would be massively resentful of him going off and doing anything leisure related while I did a full day

Investments for what? For when the kids are grown up and you realise you were too busy working to spend quality time with them when they were growing up??

Quit! Get a term time only low pressure job or another job you will actually enjoy.

You only live once.