DH bought a motorbike

I would hate this because I worked in A&E and saw some horrific sights from motor bike accidents.

A motorbike would honestly be a dealbreaker in my relationship.

Having spent time in ICU, and every single time I’ve been there there have been people in who have been killed/left brain dead/had their life support turned off because of motorbikes there is no way that I would put up with someone in my household having one.

One of the nurses was saying about people having bikes “I say to friends that if your husband/son/friend wants a motorbike they should come and spend a week in ICU.”

Just make sure his life insurance and critical illness/accident cover are ok and up to date.

Sounds like he put the vast majority of the money in the family pot so him spending the last bit to be happy is fine

He should have let you know beforehand though. Not ask - as it's up to him, but give you a heads up it was happening

DH has had a few bikes over the years and I can say his mental health is vastly improved when he's riding

We both buy things without asking the other, but a £10k purchase would have been discussed usually so I get it's the shock that's upset you

He's a grown man who has made a decision with his money.

That said, there are ways that this choice could potentially impact you, so you need to have an open and honest conversation about it.

First off, life insurance, check that it covers him driving a motorcycle and if not amend the policy with any increase in payment coming from his money.

Second, bike insurance, MOT, tax, tyres, petrol, repairs etc, all come out of his fun money, not the joint account.

Thirdly, and most importantly, it's a solo activity that he can't take the kids on, so if he disappears for 5 hours on a Sunday to ride his bike, you get 5 child free hours to spend how you'd like.

Motorcyclists are 50 times more likely to die in road traffic collisions than car occupants. UK Government figures.

So can car accidents.

Uh, no

Motorcyclists are referred to as 'organ donors' by the emergency services for a reason

He's spent £10k on motorcycle and gear after years out of the saddle - without refresher lessons, this is an almighty vanity purchase which could be a deadly mistake

10k for a bike and all the gear isn't bad. He put the rest of his inheritance towards the family, he didn't have to. Failing to see a problem.

We had to mention in our life insurance that DH rides motorbikes and it did increase our payments (not by a huge amount but it was more). I'd check if I was you.

But that's for the house
It sounds like you have "separate pots" of your own money. Which can and should be spent as you want.

With the greatest of respect, I think you’re in a different income bracket. When all your basic needs are met, I’m sure no one gives a flying f if their partner is spending money on whatever they want
So what you are saying is that despite him putting part of his inheritance into the family pot, you want all his inheritance to be spent on jobs around the house and he can't have any fun money.
The money is an unexpected bonus and he has already handed some of that over so your family pot has has a boost.

I’d never discuss my personal purchases with Dh. I’ve bought 2 horses and countless holidays (without Dh or dc) and not discussed any of it with him, other than availability to solo parent when I’m away. Dh has bought countless motorbikes (currently has 2), an off road vehicle, and a tractor without discussion with me. We each have our own money. We would only discuss big joint purchases.

I'm self employed and have just had a 4 month period off work having surgery and my Income Protection insurance has made all the difference in keeping up with my outgoings. I've been with PG Mutual and would recommend.

What kind of motorbike? <misses point of thread and continues counting down the days to the Isle of Man TT Races>

That's good. You may need to tell the insurance company that he's bought a motorbike, though.

Have you looked at income protection? Given that he's self-employed and wouldn't be earning if he sustained an injury that made it impossible for him to work for a time.

Seriously, though, OP, do take on board the points about insurance.

It's easy to be instinctively sympathetic with the OP because a motorbike is such a male mid-life crisis cliche, but... I actually hope that if I was in his position I'd just go for it and spend my 10k on something that made me as happy as I hope it makes him. And while it's easy to mock mid-life crises I think the realisation that life is for living is a valuable one.

Well, just because you would be a martyr with your own money, that doesn’t mean he has to. I’m assuming you are a lot more bothered about the things that ‘need’ doing to the house than he is.

He didn’t discuss it with you because he knew you’d kick off. You might want to have a think about that.

Good on him, frankly.

I would have no issue with this a d to be honest I'd be a bit excited about the bike.
It's mo ey he would t normally have e so it's not like he has taken it out of the family budget.
He has put most of it into the family pot and he has treated himself with some money that was meant for him anyway.

I can't say much, I bought myself a brand new car on a whim three weeks ago without telling anyone until I took it home!

I completely understand how you feel.

The rational part of your brain probably thinks that it's his money; he's already put a lot of money into the family pot; he's an experienced rider so it's not a midlife crisis or a short-lived fad.

But the emotional part of your brain will be feeling hurt because he didn't discuss it first and you believe that couples should run major spending decisions past each other; you know that money is tight; you don't feel able to spend a fraction of that amount to treat yourself with something that you would really like.

Your husband's behaviour and your reaction are both understandable and I can understand why each of you thinks that you are being reasonable.

It's not a clear cut, one person is right and the other is wrong, situation.