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Original poster

Omg please help!

763 replies

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:33

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

OP posts:
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6
inappropriateraspberry · 03/02/2025 17:42

Why not take him down and he has his milk downstairs whilst you make the hot drinks. Then (I presume you have staircases) you leave him downstairs whilst you take a cuppa up to other half, then come back down for breakfast with toddler. If you're taking it in turns, it's a fair set up.

CantHoldMeDown · 03/02/2025 14:36

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Errors · 03/02/2025 13:57

Uneventfully · 03/02/2025 11:14

I felt the same reading this report. Absolutely shocking. There is some real bottom of the barrel parenting going on in this country.

Just in my experience, I have seen children of friends and family from outside the UK (various countries in Europe and Asia) there is a marked difference between DCs general behaviour and abilities, as well as attitudes towards parenting.

Show quote history

That report is truly very depressing. Has there been a thread on it does anyone know?

Scirocco · 03/02/2025 11:59

Uneventfully · 03/02/2025 11:14

I felt the same reading this report. Absolutely shocking. There is some real bottom of the barrel parenting going on in this country.

Just in my experience, I have seen children of friends and family from outside the UK (various countries in Europe and Asia) there is a marked difference between DCs general behaviour and abilities, as well as attitudes towards parenting.

Show quote history

That report is such depressing reading. And as someone whose DC is really struggling with toilet training despite huge efforts from them and us, it's really disheartening to know we're likely to be mentally lumped in with that bottom of the barrel because all people will see at first glance is a non-toilet-trained child and assume the likeliest explanation.

Uneventfully · 03/02/2025 11:14

Stravaig · 02/02/2025 20:43

This needs a separate thread, but holy crap, the School Readiness Survey linked earlier is dumbfounding. I'm reading the Key Findings page with my mouth open in shock. If you think that 'less than half (44%) of parents think children should know how to use books' is bad, then how about this one:

(Only!) 'A quarter of parents (26%) think it's completely their responsibility to teach children how to say their name and just under half (48%) of parents think it's completely their responsibility to ensure their children are toilet trained.'

(This is so batshit I keep re-reading it, wondering if I've misunderstood.)

Who the bleep do parents think is going teach their child how to say their name and toilet train them before they start school, magical home-visiting flutters of school readiness fairies?! WTAF?!

Deep breath, next page of the report.

I felt the same reading this report. Absolutely shocking. There is some real bottom of the barrel parenting going on in this country.

Just in my experience, I have seen children of friends and family from outside the UK (various countries in Europe and Asia) there is a marked difference between DCs general behaviour and abilities, as well as attitudes towards parenting.

RedOnyx · 03/02/2025 11:14

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:50

It’s not taking two of us to get drinks

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.

Show quote history

My toddler has breakfast in her pyjamas then gets washed, dressed and teeth brushed. She doesn't own a dressing gown.

pelargoniums · 03/02/2025 11:06

It’s never occurred to either of mine to climb out of the cot – they’ve climbed curtains, Christmas trees and kitchen cupboards but not the cot. Kept DD in till well past three and will do the same with DS; I don’t mess with sleep when it’s working! They’ve always just woken up and bellowed until matters were resolved to their satisfaction or, if already transferred to our bed after a nightmare or something, woken us with a good sit on the head while chirping “wake UP it MORNING it BREAKFAST”.

Scirocco · 03/02/2025 11:00

okydokethen · 03/02/2025 10:51

3 year olds scream quite a bit

Mine's a cat today. It's going to be a long day.

RedOnyx · 03/02/2025 10:57

Allmarbleslost · 02/02/2025 08:40

This thread is really odd. A 3 year old in a cot having milk when he wakes up? Just take him downstairs.

My three year old is still in a cot - she still thrashes around so much that she would fall out of a bed. But her cot is designed with two removable bars that mean she can get out if she wants to. She also still has milk in the morning and before bed on the advice of her nutritionist. She doesn't scream for milk though. If she wakes up before it's ready she calls for me then says "I want my milk".

okydokethen · 03/02/2025 10:51

3 year olds scream quite a bit

WoolySnail · 03/02/2025 09:05

How did taking him downstairs with you this morning go op?

Hoppingabout · 03/02/2025 08:42

Petrie99 · 02/02/2025 21:00

For all of those commenting on the cot situation. Everything I've read says to keep them in a cot until they are either climbing out or until at least age 3, as they lack the self regulation to stay in bed before that age and you will end up with more battles. Every sleep consultant I've seen also advises this. A cot at 3 is therefore not unusual, as long as it's still safe. Everyone can approach this differently of course and some never do a cot as such at all (floorbed etc). But there is definitely no consensus outside of mumsnet on bed by 3yo

I suppose if you put a lid on the cot that might work 😆. Although then you might be opening yourself up to another set of issues.....

Stravaig · 02/02/2025 21:29

@Cakeandusername Thank you!

Petrie99 · 02/02/2025 21:00

For all of those commenting on the cot situation. Everything I've read says to keep them in a cot until they are either climbing out or until at least age 3, as they lack the self regulation to stay in bed before that age and you will end up with more battles. Every sleep consultant I've seen also advises this. A cot at 3 is therefore not unusual, as long as it's still safe. Everyone can approach this differently of course and some never do a cot as such at all (floorbed etc). But there is definitely no consensus outside of mumsnet on bed by 3yo

Petrie99 · 02/02/2025 20:54

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:50

It’s not taking two of us to get drinks

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.

Show quote history

Yes. We have a 2y old who wakes at 6. He comes in bed with us for cuddles until 6.30, as I can't bear to start my day properly at 6. Then at 6.30 we all chuck on a dressing gown, change his nappy, go downstairs together and have breakfast. We then come back up, brush teeth and get ready for day. He gets hangry so couldnt wait for us all to faff about getting ready first. You seem very defensive about your morning drink routine but clearly it is not working if the child is screaming. He wants you all to be together or wants to be downstairs.

Stravaig · 02/02/2025 20:43

This needs a separate thread, but holy crap, the School Readiness Survey linked earlier is dumbfounding. I'm reading the Key Findings page with my mouth open in shock. If you think that 'less than half (44%) of parents think children should know how to use books' is bad, then how about this one:

(Only!) 'A quarter of parents (26%) think it's completely their responsibility to teach children how to say their name and just under half (48%) of parents think it's completely their responsibility to ensure their children are toilet trained.'

(This is so batshit I keep re-reading it, wondering if I've misunderstood.)

Who the bleep do parents think is going teach their child how to say their name and toilet train them before they start school, magical home-visiting flutters of school readiness fairies?! WTAF?!

Deep breath, next page of the report.

Meltdownoclock · 02/02/2025 20:28

Growth spurt would be my guess

Inmydreams88 · 02/02/2025 19:59

So he wakes up, you get him out of his cot and bring him into your room, then one of you goes downstairs to make the drinks and bring them back up, then you all drink them in your bed? And then what? You each shower and get dressed before you take him down for breakfast? What does he do whilst your getting showered/dressed???

It’s all very strange to me. Your child’s needs have changed, and what worked for you before is no longer working. So whilst drinking coffee in bed for half hour before getting up properly for the day sounds incredible to me, I don’t think your routine is going to work for much longer.

Errors · 02/02/2025 19:26

Probably a phase. Grit your teeth and get through it 😉

gangstasquirrel · 02/02/2025 19:22

pelargoniums · 02/02/2025 18:40

In our house we all brush teeth before breakfast (grew up doing it that way and it’s better for your teeth) but otherwise I concur with the vast and very normal majority: you all go downstairs in pyjamas and just get on with it. Two minutes tooth brushing, the briefest of wees for the adults and 5yo, nappy change for the toddler, then downstairs with the children looking adorable and rumpled in pyjamas and the adults looking like the love children of Shane McGowan and Robert Smith.

DS, two, will tolerate about 50% of the teeth and wees and nappies shenanigans before kicking off so usually there’s an advance guard and a lot of nipping back up and back and forth, but that gets the steps in; or we take his toothbrush downstairs. All back upstairs after breakfast for getting dressed, sometimes they get dressed downstairs with one of us while the other showers. But in general, there’s a lot of up and down the stairs in a big house. It’s never occurred to me to try to have tea in bed while my children wait nicely. From birth DD used to like to start the day with a 5.30am poonami so we never got into any leisurely habits!

with the children looking adorable and rumpled in pyjamas and the adults looking like the love children of Shane McGowan and Robert Smith.

😂😂

LookItsMeAgain · 02/02/2025 19:16

Just had another thought @Toddlerhelpplease123 - Have you asked your child what they want to do?

WhiteLily1 · 02/02/2025 18:53

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 10:36

Well this morning I was starting to think is this a meltdown because it is just so extreme and so out of nowhere.

But clearly we have other things to try and what we are doing is unusual.

Although surely even if it is unusual he doesn’t know anything else so it is a bit concerning this sudden extreme reaction.

Hopefully it is nothing.

Show quote history

OP, do you or your husband have autism or do you have suspicions you do?

Alifefulloflemons · 02/02/2025 18:50

How advanced is your toddler's speech OP? Could you simply communicate some options to them before the screaming starts or before they get out of bed?

E.g 'Mummy/Daddy go downstairs to get milk. Do you want to go or stay here with Mummy/Daddy?'

TartanTrewses · 02/02/2025 18:45

My ds did this and stopped abruptly with calpol. I think it was growing pains, because his teen years have been extremely difficult for growing pains too.