Omg please help!

He doesn't scream in the cot. They take him out of the cot and he only screams when one of them goes to fetch milk.

Ha ha yes!! He might need a quick wee first but then yes we go downstairs to have breakfast. Really seems like you’re making life hard on yourself - he’s probably hungry. Do you have other kids?

@PlopSofa @olympicsrock

Op yesterday- He has drinks upstairs. He’s not going to die in the period it takes to get drinks (less than 5 minutes - probably 2-3). And he’s literally screaming blue bloody murder bless him.

The original op may have made it sound like both parents were going downstairs and that it took 20-30 minutes but actually only one of them goes, and are only a few minutes. He had been happy with this set up until recently.
Several posters suggested simply getting him up and going downstairs, which apparently was a mental approach as op couldn't believe other people did it.
She hasn't been back to let us know if taking him downstairs for a drink and breakfast was successful.

I’m so confused. We also live in a big house - youngest wakes at crack of dawn. We go downstairs. He has breakfast , I have coffee. Then older kids start to wake up. We all have breakfast and then go back upstairs to get ready. Why is he not allowed downstairs- why is everyone having drinks upstairs?? So strange

Have you tried parenting?

Demonstrated to mine how to get down stairs by sitting on your bottom. They were climbing up as soon as they were walking (12 months).
At 3 years a toddler can tell you what they want and it seems to me he ‘s telling you he wants to get out of the cot. I’m surprised he hasn’t climbed over the sides by now. Mine did and that’s when they went into a bed.

Can I just chine in with my response to the PP. We were the exact opposite- our DS2 diagnosed recently at 18 with ASD & ADHD was the calmest, quietest, least demanding baby out of all three. DS1 screamed for milk the moment he awoke- now 20, the most calm, chilled out of the lot & the only NT one I have. Different strokes.

Honestly people act like they've sacrificed a part of their lives when offering advice on here and then get angry when someone doesn't immediately follow it. Typical Mumsnet state of affairs. Well done for not taking it to heart.
Toddlers are hard OP and you may find that this weird phase turns into something else just as quickly as it started!

I agree that's a long time. At that age, they were straight into weetabix and breakfast was done in 5 mins. They couldn't wait at that age, they were hungry. And why the need to be drinking milk in bed at 3? Bit strange!

Can he sit in a high chair with breakfast whilst you get ready?

Maybe he's hangry?

This too shall pass. He's coming up to 3, and just being a very contrary 3 year old. I would do new born again in a flash, but I never want to do 2 and 3 again.

If you want an easy life (and there is nothing wrong with that) take him down to get his milk with you. Make it interesting for him. This is just the start of a new phase of his life that takes some adjustment from everyone, and finding new routines which work for everyone.

Oh, and mine are both mid teen now and like a glass of milk first thing, before breakfast! It's a routine they have always enjoyed through their life.

20-30 mins to get the drink and bri g them back up?? What the hell takes so long . Of course he is screaming/ shouting . He is really hungry . He comes in bed with one of you for distraction or just take him downstairs while you make it . In our house we made the milk straight away delivered it to the hungry toddler and then sorted other people out.

I didn’t think OP was mad to get changed before breakfast, whatever works for them! I thought it was mad that she thought it was so insane that not everyone does that 😁

My 2.5 year old wakes up and says "mummy can we go downstairs please" or "mummy can we go in the bedroom to see daddy"
I walk in front of her down the stairs but she goes up and down on her own.
Sounds like you are holding him back developmentally?

For what it's worth, you're not mad to get changed before going down to breakfast, despite what some of these posters might (very vehemently!) say. It's what we've always done. Without food as bribery there's no fecking way we'd be able to get them dressed!

Perhaps from a 3 year old point of view he just sees one of you disappear. They don't have much concept of time at 3 years old. And oddly enough it could be separation anxiety. Both of mine had it badly around this age.

So perhaps explain that the drink can't come immediately. If anything I'd say it's normal brain development. He's discovered that the milky drink comes from somewhere... he's not sure where or how long it takes.

Perhaps he just needs to SEE you getting the drinks ready to understand that this is where you've disappeared to.

I'd let him start screaming and then say, come downstairs to get the milk? Come with me? Pick him up and take him down.

And then let him SEE that it takes time to go down the stairs. Maybe count the stairs as you go down. And count out the seconds it takes to make the milk drinks. "Shall we get the milk out of the fridge?"

I'd just take him down a few times and once he understands oh this is where it comes from, and it takes few minutes to be made, he'll maybe connect the dots and realise he has to wait upstairs for one of you to do it.

Brains at 3 aren't able to understand time. They see you. Then they don't see you. In their little minds, you have disappeared - forever. Until they see you again.

It's like trying to explain it to a dog - but you can't. The dog won't understand and gets anxious when its owner goes out. Where have they done. When will they come back? Why aren't they here? When will I see them again?

The concept of time is a very human one. Fortunately he'll develop well beyond a dog and will soon understand that M&D haven't disappeared, they're simply in the kitchen!

Bless you, I don't think you are doing anything wrong he is just hangery!

I was a nursery teacher for many years and sometimes this happens and the screaming almost becomes a routine for them. Some how you need to break the screaming routine. Use a cow teddy that he can bring to you to indicate his needs, he is maybe too hungry to verbalise. You could also try getting some toys where he can role play daddy or mummy going downstairs, pouring milk, then bring back up the stairs. This might be too much, so it could be as simple as making up a song or finding a song that you sing about drinking milk/waiting for milk that you could listen to (Iwouldn't use the phone/ipad at that time in the morning).

Speak to him before the morning about what you will do, make it special and calm so he will understand what will happen. Good luck.

Get a baby gate on the stairs both upstairs and down 🙈

Yeah, but the UK is American in its mentality, not European or Asian.

I might be missing something but if you know roughly when he wakes up then can’t you have the drink ready for him?

How does he have the milk? Why does an almost 3 year old need warm milk in presumably a bottle? Genuinely sounds like he’s got some additional needs does he do anything else concerning?

Mine are 5 and 6 and the first thing we have always done is have a hot drink when we wake up. However, I would just bring him downstairs with you I don’t see the big deal there personally. Quick walk down the stairs and then back up again. He then sees that it needs to be made and isn’t instant. Maybe do it a few times and he might not be as impatient. I would think at almost 3 he should be able to walk up and downstairs independently, so if he can’t it’s good practise.

Too old to be in a cot imo.

Take him with you?! Doesn’t need two of you getting milk, he doesn’t want to be alone!

Not helpful. I would say a fair few almost 3 year olds are still in pull ups at night. And even if not most kids that age will call for their parents to help them to the toilet in the night. She isn’t asking for help about the cot.