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AIBU?

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Original poster

Omg please help!

763 replies

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:33

Toddler is nearly 3.

Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.)

For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks.

Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop.

I honestly dont know what to do.

Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash).

We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can.

This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome.

But we cannot have this.

What do people suggest?

I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast.

Any ideas! Help please

OP posts:
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6
Taigabread · 03/02/2025 20:49

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:50

It’s not taking two of us to get drinks

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.

Show quote history

You shouldn't need to 'pluck him out of his room' that's the whole point at 3yr old he should be in a bed not a cot, and able to get out of it himself without having to wait to be lifted out? If he could just climb out of bed and come and find you or play with toys in his bedroom he probably wouldn't be screaming?

I can't imagine a 3yr old in a cot he must have no space at all 😳

101Nutella · 03/02/2025 20:44

Ypur child either wants to help make the drinks or just really wants one.

id have milk on the side ready to go or take then downstairs to get it then bring then back up. Even if it was a faf. Screaming to communicate a need - why would you then think to withhold milk? Night time is a long time for them to go
without food.

Lyraloo · 03/02/2025 20:42

Strugglingrightnow · 02/02/2025 08:35

What time is he doing this? Any time from 6am is fine for starting the day imo.

What do you mean? It’s fine for him to scream for no reason because that’s how we start the day? Crazy!!!

Scentsitive · 03/02/2025 20:33

Great update! Young children need a lot of adaptation and making allowances, while at the same time encouraging them to behave well.

Great that he liked his big boy mug!

KindLemur · 03/02/2025 20:30

Also OP how early are you getting up that you all have these luxurious brews in bed then have a 30 minute ‘get ready’ window. My dd is at nursery for 7.45am some days!

KindLemur · 03/02/2025 20:27

My mind is blown that people dress their toddlers before breakfast… what’s the point when they’re just going to get porridge/beans/jam/fruit all over it anyway !

GoldenGail · 03/02/2025 20:20

Hercisback1 · 02/02/2025 08:52

Teeth brushing should be after breakfast anyway.

Toilet, if they need it then quickly do that. Usually would rather breakfast first then toilet.

In general, it's better to brush your teeth before breakfast than after. Brushing before breakfast removes bacteria that builds up overnight, increases saliva production, and protects your tooth enamel.

GoldenGail · 03/02/2025 20:19

DJrocks · 02/02/2025 08:57

Apologies, OP I thought he was left upstairs alone however, yes it is completely normal to get up and go straight down for breakfast and then get ready after. Completely normal. Teeth should be brushed after you’ve eaten.

Actually no. “In general, it's better to brush your teeth before breakfast than after. Brushing before breakfast removes bacteria that builds up overnight, increases saliva production, and protects your tooth enamel”. Latest dental advice

KnewYearKnewMe · 03/02/2025 20:16

Well done, OP.

I need a coffee in bed before braving the day - I get you!

Do you have a TV in your room? Would a show work?

Joker01 · 03/02/2025 20:13

Nice update OP, hope he enjoys his mug.

Overthebow · 03/02/2025 20:10

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 03/02/2025 19:59

Update…

So not confident this is a full update as it’s one day and sure this routine change is not settled yet.

He didn’t want to go downstairs. But we said you have to come now to help. So he did with some grumbling but thankfully not meltdown screaming.

He helped dad make drinks and brought them back. But then didn’t even want his milk. But he did sit happily and we all got ready.

All this talk of babying gave me an idea so I got him a special big boy paw patrol mug ☕️

Arrived at tea and he’s very chuffed with that. Had his evening milk in that. So hopefully tomorrow he will be excited to go downstairs to get his new mug.

And yes I like our upstairs drinks, and getting dressed upstairs before breakfast 🤣 so if I can resolve this with a few toddler tricks then that’s going to be a success.

But if it still doesn’t work then obviously going to have to change things further.

So half success! No screaming.

That is excellent, well done OP.

WoolySnail · 03/02/2025 20:03

Aww glad you've potentially found a solution that works for you as a family. Hope tomorrow and future days go great as well 😊

Original poster
Toddlerhelpplease123 · 03/02/2025 19:59

Update…

So not confident this is a full update as it’s one day and sure this routine change is not settled yet.

He didn’t want to go downstairs. But we said you have to come now to help. So he did with some grumbling but thankfully not meltdown screaming.

He helped dad make drinks and brought them back. But then didn’t even want his milk. But he did sit happily and we all got ready.

All this talk of babying gave me an idea so I got him a special big boy paw patrol mug ☕️

Arrived at tea and he’s very chuffed with that. Had his evening milk in that. So hopefully tomorrow he will be excited to go downstairs to get his new mug.

And yes I like our upstairs drinks, and getting dressed upstairs before breakfast 🤣 so if I can resolve this with a few toddler tricks then that’s going to be a success.

But if it still doesn’t work then obviously going to have to change things further.

So half success! No screaming.

OP posts:
MumTeacherofMany · 03/02/2025 19:47

I'd just take him downstairs....

Mumto32022 · 03/02/2025 19:44

I would just let him out to come in bed with you? Whilst one of you makes drinks. And if he settles for a bit try and get ready.
but yes I imagine most people go downstairs in the morning in their pyjamas. Sort breakfast out etc and then get dressed. That’s what I do as a mum of 3 (one being a 3 year old) except when I’m in work I’m up and dressed before anyone else is even awake. 3 year olds don’t have patience and they don’t understand why they have to wait their brains aren’t properly developed yet.
it is a weird rule to have. It may have worked when they were a baby but they are a young child now with their own opinions about what they want. We have a stair gate on our child’s bedroom door purely so she doesn’t walk about at night but as soon as she’s up in the morning the gate is open.

heyhopotato · 03/02/2025 19:43

I can't stand screaming so I would just put a mini fridge with milk in in my room and give it him instantly. Anything for a quiet life.

Simonjt · 03/02/2025 19:26

Miyagi99 · 03/02/2025 19:22

Yes, you shouldn’t brush your teeth until after breakfast anyway.

Show quote history

Its the otherway around, you should brush before eating.

Miyagi99 · 03/02/2025 19:22

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:50

It’s not taking two of us to get drinks

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.

Show quote history

Yes, you shouldn’t brush your teeth until after breakfast anyway.

Sometimesright · 03/02/2025 19:19

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 11:21

Well this is why Im here.

Its two entirely opposite directions.

Clearly everyone thinks the current set up in unusual so I am going to try the former first.

But my first instinct to sudden irrational toddler tantrums was consolation then when that didnt work moved to questioning maybe no milk until downstairs/breakfast is the answer.

But that felt harsh so hence being here.

It is interesting I am being accused of babying. Because I do think we have quite high expectations of his behaviour.

Show quote history

Could the parent making the drink go straight downstairs without taking the 3 year old from the cot? Then the other parent get them out a minute or two later? That way the drink will probably be on its way.

Spudalot · 03/02/2025 19:17

CharlotteStreetW1 · 03/02/2025 19:16

NRFTso apologies if it's already been suggested but try screaming back?

Seriously?

CharlotteStreetW1 · 03/02/2025 19:16

NRFTso apologies if it's already been suggested but try screaming back?

LucyMay33 · 03/02/2025 19:13

Could you not get up 5 mins before he does, get drinks ready and then when he wakes it’s there for him?

starsinthedarksky · 03/02/2025 18:58

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:50

It’s not taking two of us to get drinks

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything.

Show quote history

I have a 3 year old and 1 year old. We keep a bottle of water next to their bed/cot for when they immediately wake up. 3 year old goes for a wee independently whilst I/dad get 1 year old out of cot and out her sleep sack and the other goes to the kitchen to start breakfast. 3 year old will then join whoever is in the kitchen to help/wait for their food. Brush teeth and get dressed about 20/30 mins after breakfast.

Probably takes 5 minutes tops to get them from their beds and down to the kitchen for breakfast. You really don’t need a whole faff with morning drinks upstairs.

Xcxlxn · 03/02/2025 18:58

If his fine until one of you leave to go and get the milk why don’t you just stop going to get the milk until your all ready to go downstairs?

if his quite happy to be upstairs with both of you just stay upstairs and get ready to start your day.

My 17 month old doesn’t even have a morning bottle at all, your 3 year old will be absolutely fine and doesn’t need a bottle bought up to him in the first half hour of him being awake

i would hate to listen to mine screaming like that for something I can’t imagine how stressful that is first thing in the morning so I would just eliminate the cause

Gagaandgag · 03/02/2025 18:58

Update from this morning?