Omg please help!

The whole going downstairs thing is weird but I'm surprised by the cot issue. Ours were in cots til the moment they could climb out and we're perfectly happy. They were both 3 when we moved to a bed if I remember correctly.

Your current arrangement clearly isn't working so maybe try taking him straight down with you. What have you got to lose? We never brought morning drinks up for our DC at that age. They got up and came down in their jammies for breakfast and drinks. You also need to teach him to go up and down the stairs safely. Surely you are not carrying him up and down every time?

This is a really strange thread. Simply pick up the toddler and take him downstairs with you when you go downstairs? Why do you need to have drinks in bed? Why do you need to be fully clothed before breakfast? Just chuck on a dressing gown, go downstairs and have breakfast/drinks, and get ready together afterwards. Brushing teeth before breakfast isn't good anyway.

I think this would work well for you and stop the screaming:

Child wakes up, parents goes in, takes child to toilet then both go downstairs. Have milk, play and have breakfast. Go upstairs, get dressed and brush teeth, go back downstairs. It’s pretty much what everyone does!

Yes! To start with a 3 year old isn’t really a toddler anymore, unless they have disabilities they should be able to navigate stairs by themselves. It’s on the two year old health visitor checklist. A 3 year old is plenty old enough to be taking themselves to the toilet when they get up if they need it, or can go to the toilet downstairs once down (you have a large house so assume a downstairs toilet, but if not they can go upstairs to it if they need to). Why does it take both of you upstairs getting ready, one of you could go downstairs with your son, make breakfast whilst the other is getting ready then switch. DS can go upstairs to get dressed after breakfast, with one of you if he needs help.

Sorry, OP, you can have whatever morning routine you like, but I don’t know anyone who doesn’t go downstairs in PJs first. I only get ready straight away when I have to go to work.

Some kids are too short to navigate stairs well – my DD couldn’t reach the handrail for a long time. But at this age they can go up and down on their bottom if necessary.

You seem to be putting an awful lot of restrictions on your child and they likely feel really frustrated.

Throughout the day you talk to him and explain the screaming in the morning has stopped and “tomorrow we shall play nicely and quietly until your bottle is ready”. At almost 3 he understands this. Repeat a few times. Repeat very clearly at bedtime right before you leave his room. Obviously with the add-on of “you will come downstairs with us and we can’t scream because neighbours XYZ are still sleeping at that time” - if you decide to bring him with you.

Don’t try pleading with him once he’s already in meltdown mode - he needs to hear several times during the day, when he’s calm, how the following morning will go.

Yes in the context of eating and immediately brushing. But you can eat have a coffee / drink do other bits and bobs shower get dressed then brush your teeth which by this time is 30 mins later

No need to buy a thermos op just take him downstairs.

Could you speak to a health visitor or something OP? You seem a bit lost.

Why are you confining this child so much? Poor child needs to be up and about and learning some independence. You can have your drinks downstairs and go back up for dressing like everyone else in the country with small children.

Brush teeth after breakfast!

Yes! At weekends we get up, have breakfast and then wash, dress and clean teeth. I am not sure why you would clean your teeth before breakfast?

On school days then we do get up and dressed as need to be quicker at getting ready.

If you need to be dressed before taking the toddler down, why not preempt their waking and set an alarm so you are washed and ready? This is nothing unusual and what many families do.

Also just to note my son used to wake at 5am when he was little. That was his routine and we would go downstairs. It doesn't last forever. He is still an early riser but now amuses himself as he is a lot older.

We also had stair gates when mine were little. Would your son be happier if he could get out and play in his room?

Try taking him downstairs and see if he still screams. Tbh I thought everyone ate their breakfast in their PJ's. Even on work days getting dressed is after breakfast.

I agree with this. Seems an odd set up, no wonder he’s frustrated after being stuck in a cot all night at 3!

What do you think he wants to do? Do you think he wants to go with you? My eldest son at that age used to have melt downs on walks (we live in the country and I assumed he would want to tootle about doing his own thing) and I couldn't work out why for ages. It turned out he just wanted to hold my hand!! I felt such a terrible mother but sometimes it's just little things like that. Maybe he wants to be with you.

He's 3, not a baby. Walk him downstairs, let him see what's going on. Stop infantilising him for your own convenience. He's clearly frustrated and telling you in the only way he knows how.

@Toddlerhelpplease123 Do us a favour and humour us OP - will you try just taking him straight downstairs for the next few days and see how it goes 🤣
Of course it’s nice to say good morning and chat about your day etc but you can do that while he helps you prep breakfast.

Out of interest - how much is he doing for himself in his day? Take breakfast for example - are you making it and serving it to him as if he’s a baby or is he helping with the process?

My 13 month old can climb stairs, your 3 year old should be able to.
Teeth should be cleaned after food and drinks not before.
He's screaming because he doesn't want to be left, go downstairs, make drinks then worry about getting ready later

A baby is very different from a toddler so you can’t compare their patience

if he is unable to tell you why he gets so upset once he’s calmed down then you need to try different things and the obvious is to take him down

it does sound very much like you baby him and that will be adding to his frustrations.

OP we never did this. Never had morning drinks. Never got dressed before going down. Also had a massive house.

Your child needs to learn the stairs. At 2 both mine were going up and down and we removed stair gates. And honestly. We had a massive house.

By age three they were going down and putting the TV on!

As we know our children wake up at a generalish time, at least one of us has usually been to the loo and cleaned their teeth, so when our three year old wakes she can be taken straight downstairs. If you don’t want to go down in your dressing gown, you need to make sure you’re dressed and ready before they wake up.

Absolutely. But given the circumstances the toddler can have a drink water or milk then brush teeth later on.

Tastes horrible though. And I'm in my 40s with no fillings, so clearly it's working ok for me.

He usually comes in and we sit on the bed. Say hi nice morning, what are we going to do today etc.

What a bonkers way to start the morning when he's obviously going to be hungry. Just take the poor lad downstairs to eat and discuss the day over breakfast like everyone else does.