Omg please help!

You really sound like you're making your life much harder than it needs to be, and it's already hard enough with a 3 year old I imagine

@Toddlerhelpplease123 why don't you just put his milk in whatever cup he has in the fridge the night before and grab it before he's awake if you're so against taking him downstairs?!

If you scream, no milk.

Why can't he go downstairs to get his own milk (with help), @Toddlerhelpplease123 ? He can come back up afterwards if he wants or needs to.

Is he still in nappies so cold and wet? Ideally he should be in a bed by now.

When my DS was that age (and younger) he would get in a state first thing because he was hungry. So we went downstairs and he had milk and the first Weetabix to calm down. Then he'd calmly eat the second one. We would be in our pyjamas because he had to eat and drink first thing.

If your DC can't manage the stairs then carry him down. He can go to the table and have his milk and then he might be okay to wait a few minutes for breakfast.

Oh my god, lightbulb moment!
Did OP say she has another baby?
Could 3 year old be screaming for milk because he’s copying the baby?
If OP is still babying the 3 year old (still in cot etc.) then he could be regressing into baby behaviour for attention x

He's 3. Why's he having milk in the morning still? It should be a drink with breakfast, not a separate thing.

I don't understand why you're all having drinks in bed in the first place.

Why not just get up and have your drinks downstairs? Or just wait to have your drinks after your shower?

Could you get up before he wakes up, go downstairs get drinks whatever, bring them back up. All done before he comes to your room?

@Tia86 Brushing before breakfast removes bacteria that will have built up overnight. Toothpaste also protects your enamel against any acidity in your food. Not the end of the world of you brush after eating but you should wait at least 30 mins or you can damage your tooth enamel.

He knows the milk is downstairs!
Also as he is 3 does he not want breakfast, not just to be fobbed off with milk? If he is that hungry take him down and feed him properly.

It sounds like he’s used to being babied tbh

and honestly, you sound like you’re faffing about making hot drinks whereas the milk could be back upstairs before he gets the chance to scream

take him downstairs because that distracts him and get out of this baby routine - have him go downstairs on him if necessary and sit at the table with you to have breakfast and chat there

For neighbours no it's not but for their household it is. If getting up and into the front room and fed stops the screaming they may need to be a 6am household.

For goodness sake take him downstairs. The world won’t end if you go downstairs in pjs.

I really don't get your morning routine. Who brushes teeth before breakfast? And what 2 year old can't manage stairs, however steep they are. My 2 year olds were climbing up and down climbing walls at the park yesterday and they did this whilst wearing wellies and snowsuits. If it's past 6am when one of the children wakes. 1 adult goes downstairs with them for a play/breakfast. Then everyone gets showered/dressed/teeth later on. Also a cup of milk takes 30 seconds to make.

We all get up, go downstairs (in pyjamas!), have drinks/breakfast etc then go back upstairs and get ready for the day. I thought that was fairly normal!

I’d put him in a bed by 3, I’m assuming he’s not needing to get out for a wee because he’s still in nappies? Which is fine if potty training is happening but he’ll need a bed by now. Most cots can convert into a bed. You could always put a stair gate on his bedroom door if that’s a worry for you.

As for the drinks in bed situation, I’ve never heard anything like it. It sounds lovely but it’s not working anymore is it?
I’ve always got my daughter out of bed, straight to toilet/potty etc. then downstairs for drink/milk/breakfast. Then once everyone’s finished, brush teeth and back upstairs to get dressed.
He might be screaming because he WANTS to go downstairs so that’s going to have to be the solution OP 😕 x

And yes I'd say the majority of people with a nearly three year old take the child straight downstairs for breakfast in pj's.

Probably do a wee first then straight down stairs to eat.

Then back upstairs to get dressed and clean teeth and get ready for the day.

He can go downstairs on his bum if needed. But you really need to get him using stairs confidently for his core strength and balance. What else is he limited in doing by you?

If you don't want to take him down can you run the milk up quickly and then go back down to make tea and coffee? Or get some long life milk and keep it upstairs?

Yes, a typical 3 year old would be able to wait but yours is struggling for whatever reason. I'm assuming he can't articulate it yet so you're stuck guessing which is difficult, all you can do is try different things and see what works.

OP, very gently, you're going to have a tough next 15 years if you don't realise that parenting needs to adapt and change. What was right for your child yesterday may not be right for them today.
Be solution focussed. If somethings not working, change it.
Comparing your now 3 year old with what they did at a couple months old won't help either!

Yes

teeth after breakfast, shower after breakfast (then if he gets dirty he can be cleaned!)

give this child some independence, he’ll be at school. Is he out of nappies?

You have a choice, either take him down and back up again or put up with screaming. I know what I would have done.
You sound like your bedroom is on top of a medieval tower. What's the issue with getting a 3 years old up /down (even if we believe for a second he can't climb up himself).