Omg please help!

Errr yes!

He absolutely should be trying to do the stairs independently unless there is a physical disability (and in many cases of disability he would still be trying the stairs!) you support as much as necessary - to begin with you hold their hands if they want, or they crawl, then one hand, then you just stand behind them until you’re happy they are safe. They NEEED to be safe on stairs by the time they start school! Teachers cannot possibly teach them to climb stairs in a class of 30.

My daughter climbed stairs since before she could walk. Not safely, but I was there to help. Now she is over 2 I supervise but she’s pretty safe!

OP - you've asked for advice about changing your child's behaviour. That's what you're getting. Youu can't wave a magic wand to change someone - even a 3 year old - you have to change how you behave and see if you get a different reaction.
Sp there's lots of good suggestions about how to do things differently. If he starts screaming when one of you leaves the bedroom, there's your cue. Try taking him straight downstairs. Or have the milk ready upstairs - or something else.

Agree with most others. Wee first then straight downstairs for milk/breakfast. What’s with the drinks upstairs? Mine would never have had milk upstairs. Clean teeth last before leaving house. It’s gross to eat or drink straight after brushing. Sounds like we are all different on that one though!

Op yes, people DO go downstairs in a dressing gown before getting completely ready.

If you want to brush his teeth before breakfast just do that first.

Out of bed (yes, in dressing gown/pyjamas), brush teeth, down for milk.

And screaming . Can he not talk today say he wants to go downstairs .

Firstly, just all get up and go downstairs, surely that solves the problem?
Secondly, he's 3. Not 1 or 6 months or whatever. 3, that is old enough to know he cannot behave like that. He's not a baby desperate for his feed.

He's old enough to know that mummy isn't a slave and if he would like something he asks nicely or waits until it is brought to him. Not in a panic in case he kicks off!

Yes? They wash teeth after breakfast here, have you a toilet downstairs? Could you not just get him to pee then go downstairs for breakfast, come back up later to get dressed after breakfast?

Are people honestly just plucking toddler out of room in dressing gown and going immediately downstairs for breakfast without going to the toilet or brushing teeth or anything

Um, yes of course. You cannot be serious.

Tbh he really ought to be close to navigating the stairs quite safely by now. It's important to help children do what they can do at each stage of early years development and keeping him unable to get up and down stairs by himself at almost 3 isn't great. So that'd be my first motivation for changing things up a bit.

Secondly, he clearly would rather go down and be with the person who's making the drinks, so why not just take him with you if that works better and saves everyone the crying. It won't take him long to be climbing up and down quite confidently and you won't feel like it takes forever to get upstairs again.

I agree with others - why not just go downstairs in pyjamas, have his milk while coffees are being made, and back up again to get ready? Seems like it's not the hill to die on.

Babies aren't aware of the world around them as much as an older toddler is, and they're not self aware either. A toddler is much more aware of being left/wanting to go with mum or dad/being bored or impatient for his milk. That's why he cries more.

Yes! Literally everyone!! It's completely normal.

It takes 30 seconds to run downstairs, pour milk into a cup and take it back upstairs for him if you insist that he has to have it upstairs. Don’t waste time making hot drinks too, get him his milk and then when you go downstairs again after make your other drinks then. At the moment your keeping him upstairs once he’s awake, making him wait whilst you make hot drinks and then seemingly all taking time to get ready upstairs, drink hot drinks and then you go downstairs for breakfast. This is not what any kid wants or needs. Of course he’s upset, it sounds very frustrating for him.

I think the screaming is because he's bored, he needs a little change of routine and more independence in the morning.. can he go down with you and pour his own milk or cereal?

If he shouts like that he doesn’t get his milk upstairs, tell him he can’t have milk upstairs unless he can wait calmly. If the person making the drinks downstairs can hear him they won’t be able to make his milk, it’ll be worse for a few days as you’ll likely have him attempt to tantrum to get his own way but he’ll soon learn there’s no point shouting and that he should be quiet so he can still have milk. If you’re worried about him being thirsty have some water available but at nearly 3 he can cope without a glass of milk immediately on waking.

I agree with some others it all sounds like babying, mine were not getting milk at that time at that age. Is he not in a bed yet? (Think you mentioned a cot) as for screaming, I'm afraid I was just one of those parents that didn't tolerate that kind of thing, by not tolerate I mean it wouldn't have resulted in what they were demanding.

At that age mornings looked like this;

Midweek: straight downstairs together for breakfast

Weekend: come into bed with us, pop the tv on for a bit. Probably got him a drink if he asked for it. Then go downstairs for breakfast.

Anyway, the simple answer is that he goes downstairs with the drink maker, holding hands. Has his milk while the hot drinks are made, then goes upstairs independently (hands and knees if need be) while the adult carries the hot drinks.

@Toddlerhelpplease123 why can’t you get the drinks before getting him up and bringing him in to your room? That way the drink will be waiting for him as soon as he gets up?

This is so weird. You get up, put on a dressing gown, go downstairs with the toddler and give him a cup of milk in the kitchen while the kettle is on for tea or coffee. That would be the normal thing to do, surely?

Well he can't do that. Assuming there's nothing physically wrong with him I would be telling him quite firmly how rude he's being screaming at you for milk on demand. He's old enough to start learning manners and boundaries. Start as you mean to.go on otherwise you might be setting yourself up for trouble later. And he might find nursery tricky.

I was also a very lazy mother when my kids were little and wanted them to be able to sort themselves out and do their own thing as soon as possible. Children like to be independent as much as they feel safe being so. You just need to help them with that by setting boundaries and letting them happily do what they like within those boundaries. If he wants to come with you then let him.

Can you keep a banana or something in the bedroom for him to snack on when he waits? My 4.5 year old used to whine and cry for a while when he was around 2.5/3. He was just absolutely starving so we used to cut him a banana to have immediately. It always helped. Then he'd have his milk and was fine to wait until we'd had our coffees before having breakfast together.

It’s very easy to baby your first born because it’s all new to you as well! But I do think you need to be treating him like a preschooler now and maybe look at some of the things he should be able to do before he starts school and build up to those in that time. Stairs are a basic safety skill it’s important he has

So when you are both in the room, before someone goes down, then he's fine. But as soon as someone's gone to get drinks he starts screaming for his milk?