Omg please help!

I would take him down with you. Get the drinks then go back up to get ready etc. We always go down stairs 1st thing to drink, have breakfast then back upstairs to brush teeth and get ready

You and your DH need to give up your morning cuppa in bed. When you have children they wake up and want to get up. You can go back to your morning cuppa in bed when your DC are teenagers and don't want to get up until mid morning.

You need to get up, put your dressing gowns on and go downstairs with your DC (or at least one adult does, the other adult can still have a lie in and you could both take turns at that).

DC want to play as soon as they get up. If you want some quiet you can put the TV for half an hour while they drink their milk.

It sounds like you are struggling with the baby stage being over. Your DC should be in a proper bed not in a cot. Your DC needs to learn to use the stairs in your house safely, unless you are planning to move soon, remove your baby gates and let them go up and down. Teach them to go up and down carefully holding onto the hand rail. When your child is sleeping in their own bed they will wake up on their own and go downstairs on their own. One adult will need to get up at this point unless you trust your child to entertain themselves downstairs. This post is all centred around your morning cuppa in bed and I'm sorry but now you have a child this has to go for a while.

Ah that makes sense 😅
A 3 year old is a hell of a lot more demanding and irrational than a baby though (I think).
I raised my daughter on my own so I was quite strict with her so the screaming would have been an absolute no from me on day one.
I always used the “Mummy can’t understand you when you’re making this much noise” and she HAD to stop to say what she wanted calmly.

Agreed. OP if you are worried about him rolling out of a big bed you can get those screens that slot along the side but that allow a child to get out if they want. I think mine were in beds quite early...as soon as they could climb out of a cot. A bed was safer!

He wants to be free and is hungry, he's been in a cot all night, restricted movement, then into a bed to wait 30 mins for a drink.
Poor child, just bring him down stairs and feed him.

Also, by 3 kids usual get a bed, a small one or a single. If you're worried about him getting down the stairs, get a stair gate.

Morning cuppas in bed are over when kids come along. They come first.

You are kind of ignoring that every poster has told you he should be downstairs with you, learning the skill of getting up and downstairs and watching you prepare. I think you obviously enjoy the hot drinks upstairs but aren't realising things need to change as your toddler gets older. He's moving on but ye aren't.

Oh for goodness sake hes 3
Hes frustrated at waiting
Op is stuck in the baby stage when one goes for drinks, the other has baby upstairs.
You can lounge around when they are babies.
3 year old has actually moved on but the parents haven't.
All these silly suggestions when it can all be solved by getting up and going downstairs 🙄

So he is screaming so much that he wakes the whole street but on the other hand your house is so big that taking down the stairs to get the milk is equivalent to climbing down Everest. This doesn't make sense.

You want him to wait 2 mins for his milk without screaming. That’s not happening. So you need to adapt. Should he be able to wait a couple of mins for his milk? Yes. But he isn’t currently doing that. So how can you move forward in a way that isn’t babying him more than you already are?
Many people, with their experience of children, have said that at this age taking him straight downstairs for breakfast then back up to get ready might be a good solution, but you don’t want to do that. So what do you want to do? And I don’t mean ‘do the same as we already do but without him screaming’ because at the moment that clearly isn’t a realistic solution.

This is such a weird post OP. At 3 he should be doing stairs, and not requiring milk immediately. A drink with breakfast of course but not immediate milk like a baby.

I find it bizarre that he's still in a cot too, is he toilet trained? At 3 he'll be starting nursery shortly and seems to have absolutely no degree of independence, which will do him no good at all.

When he wakes up, get out of bed and go downstairs for breakfast!

So you can take him down because that means two trips up with the child and then with the drinks. Lazy af.

At 3 he needs to be in a bed. He's not a baby anymore and a cot restricts his independence in getting up. He's screaming to tell you this.

There was a report the other day that some children are starting school unable to climb stairs properly

This is easily solved.
DH takes him downstairs.
You follow behind.

If dressing/teeth brushing is an issue that can easily be done after breakfast or do it downstairs.

In fact, That's exactly what I used to do when my eldest two were small and I lived in a house with stairs.
I would look out their clothes the night before and leave them on a dining chair and had a cup in the kitchen for toothpaste and toothbrushes.

You and DH can take turns nipping back upstairs to get ready.

Just take him downstairs for breakfast, toddlers don't have a leisurely wake up time drinking in bed like adults might on a weekend or like a baby will. You're either treating him like a baby or expecting him to behave like an adult here, that's why the messages are conflicting.

Adults might sit in bed with a cup of tea, get washed and dressed and then have breakfast. A baby will wake up and cry for milk which they'll have in bed, in their babygro. Toddlers are neither of these! They get up, go downstairs in pyjamas with a grown up and have breakfast.

If he is thirsty just give him a class of water. Why are you even thinking of giving him squash first thing? Or put a glass of water by his bed (not cot) for him.

I think your morning routine sounds sweet (although I was definitely in the 'take them straight downstairs' camp).

I think you might be able to salvage it if you're prepared to adapt it a bit.

One parent takes DS downstairs to "help make the milk". Either let him drink his milk downstairs and crawl back up the stairs next to the parent with the teas or, if he really can't manage the stairs, take him straight back upstairs with his milk (whilst the tea is brewing) then he drinks his milk with the upstairs parent whilst the downstairs one finishes off making the tea.

It’s concerning that he can’t use the stairs properly. You said he has little legs but that shouldn’t stop him as 1 year olds can manage stairs - has he seen an OT?
Taking him downstairs will probably solve the screaming, that’s an easy fix.

I think starting a new “right, everyone downstairs” routine and including him in the “making of the drinks” is a great distraction from the screaming and will teach him independence.
One parent can deal with the baby (if there is one, I’m sure I read you have a baby) and the drink-maker can deal with the 3 year old.

To put it into perspective, my daughter (7) started school full-time when she was 4yrs 3months.

Teaching 3 year old small acts of independence now will immensely help him when he starts school x

Agree. Sadly children are larks.

get up before him
take him in to dad

He isn’t a toddler, you need to stop calling him this because it’s causing you to have low expectations of him.

@Toddlerhelpplease123 no don't give squash.

What time is all this happening?

He is screaming because he is frustrated! He has been trying to tell you and you don’t listen - it may be because you don’t understand what he’s saying but that scream is clearly frustration. I assume he’s not generally a screamer?

take him downstairs and have a proper routine for his age. And teach him to use the stairs!!!