Omg please help!

We get up, use the toilet and wash hands and then have breakfast. My child is very hungry and grumpy unless we eat right away.

my daughter is 2.5 years old & she is similar in that she wants milk and HAS to come downstairs to make it or the entire street would be woken. It really bugs me, i'd rather just nip down myself but the hassle isnt worth it. She comes down now, 'helps' make the milk with me and then back up to our bed to watch some tv before everyone else wakes. I think the age of of 2/3 - they know exactly what they want & their emotions are wild! I'd suggest trying to change the routine, so as soon as he wakes - you suggest milk, take him down, have him help you make it and then back up. He then may feel less resistance to being given the milk (i wouldnt even consider dropping the milk, who doesnt love a warm drink first thing?!) and less likely to go wild. Godspeed - these toddlers are wild! 😂

Omg just take the child downstairs and make ALL of the drinks downstairs

You are babying him. Of course let him go downstairs before he’s brushed his teeth. Do you brush your teeth before going to make the drinks? Do you live in Downton Abby and need to be presentable before you take to the living room?

Secondly it’s dangerous not to teach him to navigate the stairs. Just because he’s little doesn’t mean he’s a baby, let him learn safely.

Finally, get him out of a bloody cot. He’s nearly 3!

Theresacatinmykitchenwhatamigonnado

OP, unless you are going to give a massive drip feed (in which case it's even more frustrating) you are being inflexible and lazy. Stop trying to get round ways of just parenting your child.

Very much this.
In fact, I think this advice could be given on quite a few threads.

OP why is the idea of going downstairs in your pyjamas so bizarre to you?

This.

My DCs are adult. As your children get older you need to regularly rethink your routines and change them as necessary.

This helps your child grow up and become more independent. If your are wedded to the drink in bed - one of you takes 3 year old (not a toddker I think) to get drinks for everyone.

He needs to learn to navigate the stairs. You need to be more flexible I think.

Am not going to have a go at you because you give your 3yr old milk. Most kids that age still like milk in the morning. My youngest will be 3 in a few months and is what a like to call a milkaholic. Only drinks milk or water doesn’t like diluting. He is so crabby first thing in the morning until he has some, but they are also getting slightly independent at that age so whoever is getting drinks in the morning, takes him down and lets him pour his own from a small jug then back up stairs to get ready

He needs to be in a bed and should be allowed to navigate the stairs. You need to accept 3 year olds are hard work and that he won't just placidly sit there whilst you do all the things you want to do. You haven't said what time this all happens or if he's in nappies over night. If he's out of nappies and stuck in a cot unable to go to the loo when he needs to I'm not surprised he's screaming. You are very adamant he likes his cot - I'm not sure why you are so certain. If he's articulate enough to convince you of this then he'll be articulate enough to explain why he's screaming.

I've been on MN for nearly 20 years and this is one of the most frustrating threads I've ever read.
OP, unless you are going to give a massive drip feed (in which case it's even more frustrating) you are being inflexible and lazy. Stop trying to get round ways of just parenting your child. No, he shouldn't be screaming, but legions of us are while reading this because you are making batshit choices and refusing to accept the advice - that you asked for - that they are not working.

We have the same issue. Large house, just turned three year old, two staircases. We ferry her up and down. She’d definitely scream the house down if we left her, but there’s no need. It does make things trickier when you just want to nip upstairs but it won’t be forever.

This is utterly bizarre..just take him downstairs!!! I manage on my own ferrying a 3 year old and a 1 year old up and down the stairs first thing in the morning! Just pop him on the couch and put cbeebies on?!
Also, really obvious but why don't you already have drinks ready upstairs? My 3 year old has a glass of water next to his bed overnight that he can help himself to.
When is he 4? As obviously there's quite alot of development in that 1 year but it does sound like you are babying him. You really need to get him confident on the stairs. Mines been able to get up and down the stairs safely since he was 2!
Sorry: just seen nearly 3, not 3, apologies!!

The thing is though the process of going downstairs will mean he’s doing something towards his goal (food and milk) and being involved in the process of getting it. At the moment he’s just sitting on the bed waiting which can feel like forever at that age. Take him downstairs, involve him and I bet he’s more patient and able to wait for his milk and breakfast.

I do remember those early starts and having to get out of bed being a bit trying! But my children always woke up starving and busy and ready to rock. So we were usually downstairs by 6.30am and having breakfast. No lie-ins or staying in bed for grownups for a few years. But this will pass. And before you know it you won't hear a peep from him until midday.

Oh for goodness sake @Toddlerhelpplease123! I’ve just read this update and I now have a better understanding.

It’s quite clear that you simply don’t want to bother getting up at the same time as your child. This is absolutely ridiculous and completely unfair. This is not how parenting works. You simply can’t just lounge in bed drinking your coffee and go downstairs when you feel like it. No, just no. You don’t need a new milk delivery system, you need to get up and attend to your child’s needs just like every other parent on the planet does!

Because he is in a cot! So you TELL him that now we will go downstairs. And you LET him
walk by himself downstairs. Even if it takes an hour. He is screaming because you are failing to meet his needs, it’s your only job as his parent. He has been treated like a baby and doesn’t know how not to be because you don’t get it. So he screams.

And now this will likely take a long time to change, but this is not his fault it’s yours.

New routines, and stick to them.

Teasmade and a little fridge upstairs?

You sound really rigid in your routine. I don't like changes to my morning or night time routine either but you do need to have some flexibility with parenting or you are going to be dealing with a lot of struggles.
What your doing isn't working, just take him downstairs and get him a bed. He is probably frustrated as he is ready for some independence and moving on from the routine of a baby.

Why on earth would it take longer?

Downstairs, cup of milk whilst parent makes hot drinks and breakfast.

Done!

He's impatient because he's frustrated, because he's too old for a baby-style routine. Unfortunately, at 3 years old, he doesn't know why he's frustrated, so he screams.

I suspect moving towards independence is the key here, so you will have to adapt your routine and take the lead on teaching him things.

Do people not dress for breakfast anymore? I expect you’ll tell me soon there is no dinner gong soon and people don’t put on formal evening wear either. Standards people, standards.

Seriously though. Have breakfast in your PJs with unbrushed teeth.

When our 2 year old wakes up he’s taken straight downstairs for breakfast. We don’t get dressed or do his teeth etc until afterwards. I’d just end up having to change his top/wash him again.

Also in a cot and will be staying there until he outgrows it!

If you don’t want to take him down can you keep some milk in a cool bag/thermos upstairs?

I think it’s possible he may be screaming for a bit of independence OP. Children try so hard to be independent when parents want to keep them safe as babies.

Is it possible your routine is rather fixed and rigid and he could be shouting out against that …. For his growing development he gradually needs more and more autonomy to decide for himself where to be in terms of upstairs or downstairs. He needs to explore the whole house at age 3 to orient himself properly …all in his own good time.

A child needs supervision on the stairs when they first start climbing, yes of course they do. At that stage it’s a safeguarding issue and stair gates may be needed.
But most babies normally start climbing as soon as they can crawl. Preventing them doing so is an obstacle to development. By now he should be able to manage the stairs independently and safely. He needs to practise the stairs, in his own way at the time he shows a wish to keep doing it. As much as you can, you should give him the supervision until he masters it safely. I think you have a bit of catching up to do on that skill.

Good Parenting isn’t preventing them gaining skills. It’s enabling them and encouraging them to gain those skills safely at the time they show they are ready.

Maybe you could think again about your morning routine. It’s hard to keep up, but a child’s needs change all the time in line with their sometimes very fast development but you seem stuck in keeping what’s worked for you in the past when it’s clear it no longer works for your dc any longer. Change it up a bit until you find what works for him.

I know it’s hard in a busy household with siblings at different stages and both parents trying to get ready for work and their day. But try letting him follow his parent downstairs and see how he reacts. Make time for him to play on the stairs a bit if he’s happy to do that. Turn the stairs into a bus or train and really engage with him. Even if it’s 6am.
Playing is HIS work as a child, so different to your work as an adult of course, but it can’t be ignored and it’s best for him if you support him and listen to his needs.
Good luck!

Why would it take longer? You take him down, make his milk and hand it to him. Surely it’s quicker, as the person preparing his milk can hand it straight to him rather than bringing it back up your long and arduous stairs?