Omg please help!

Well that was shocking to read!
Are parents raising their children genuinely believing it isn’t their responsibility to teach their children ANYTHING before school?

Sounds like your mornings have become really stressful OP. The good news is that when they're young they usually adapt to a new routine well in a few days as long as you're consistent.

FWIW, in our house at that age the routine was get child up and dressed then go downstairs for breakfast (he knows he always gets dressed before going downstairs, that's always been the way). No drink for him or anyone else before that. (Milk upstairs before breakfast stopped at 15mths for us when I stopped breastfeeding. From then on it was a drink of milk or water with breakfast in a sippy cup which progressed to a normal cup).

Your morning routine is similar to ours - our kids are now a few years older and run off to do their own thing until breakfast is served, but when they were younger, we all piled into our bed where they had their vitamins and milk and we had our hot drinks. So naturally i disagree with everyone who thinks that's weird!

In terms of the screaming, I suspect that if you give it minimal attention it will soon pass. One thing I didn't get from your posts is: does the adult who's still upstairs take your son out if his cot and play with him, or bring him into your bed, or whatever? If not I'd definitely do that as I can imagine he'd be annoyed being left in his cot.

I would say "that's too loud. You can either wait here quietly for your milk, or you can go downstairs and have it while daddy makes mummy's tea". And then either he is quiet and waits with you or he gets taken downstairs instead.

God, this.

Why would you pander to him screaming like a little emperor?? What good do you reckon is going to come from that??

parents aren’t there to wait hand on foot on a 3 year old, there’s lots of other solutions where you can help your child develop patience and delayed gratification. The world doesn’t revolve around children. I have to sleep enough so when my children started to want to get up at stupid o’ clock I did sleep training so they learnt to sleep til a decent time suitable for the whole family.

Keeping him in your bed, asking him about his sleep, saying hi there....this is all very babyish.
He wants to be up and moving!
You need to take turns with your partner to have a lie in.

She isnt responding to his needs but putting her own need to lounge in bed first.
Anyone would put 2 and 2 together and realise a 3 year old is moving towards independence and wants to be involved.

Stupidity is carrying on with the same thing and tellng a developing child to stop their development because Mummy needs a lie in

I think one of you just needs to get up with him, go downstairs with him and start the day without coming back to bed with the drinks. 3 year olds usually just wake up wanting to start the day, not sit about in bed drinking. We used to take it in turns to get up and go downstairs while the other one might have a lie in if it was early. It’s probably very frustrating for him having to deal with the entire routine of the drinks coming upstairs.
He shouldn’t be in a cot. It can be dangerous - my child would have been climbing out of it way before that age.

Look OP we all get it. We've all been there, wanting/needing/begging for 20 min more peace and quiet lounging in bed before starting the day wrestling with toddlers. But those days are gone. You aren't snuggling with a first feed of the day milk blissed out baby any more, you have acquired yourself a toddler. Toddlers are irrational energy filled bundles of frustrating madness and joy. Just embrace the new normal. Take it in turns, it's less awful if it's not every day...

Maybe so, I'm just not sure that 'go downstairs for breakfast' is such a mind-blowing concept that it wouldn't occur to someone a lot sooner.

I think this is one of those times when you realise that children evolve and adapt and what worked on day one , doesn't suddenly work on day two.

He's not a toddler anymore so the slow morning cuddles will have to stop.

One parent needs to take him downstairs and help him have his breakfast. He should be involved in helping do it, get the bowl out the cupboard etc

This is the second thread in a couple of days where kids are being treated as much younger than they actually are….there is a report out about starting school (and another thread running)that is highlighting that there is a generation of kids who are not meeting developmental milestones https://kindredsquared.org.uk/school-readiness-survey/

So I might use my "special voice" in those circumstances

Yes.
If you're not going to take him downstairs with you, and nothing is actually wrong when he's screaming then it might be time for consequences.

Unless his legs are like a miniature dachshund, he should be able to navigate stairs. Bless him.

What are you going to do about him not being able to get up and down the stairs by himself OP?

When he's calm and settled have you asked him why?

Ive got a 3 year old.
She gets herself up, has a wee and comes downstairs. We’ve also got a big house.

Honestly I think you’ve babied him a little. Take him down, let him watch a cartoon and then get yourself sorted while he sits and has his milk.

I'm not sure I agree. I just think she's a first time mum and just needs to get her head round the fact that she's now being run by a tyrant (as all three year old are) and needs to adjust life accordingly. No more lie ins or quiet time! It's hard to accept. By number 2 she will be much more onto it.

You and your DH get up earlier to have your showers/go to the loo/brush teeth/whatever - before your son wakes up.

Only sadists do this.

Have you tried telling him that you or his dad are away downstairs to sort out his drink, but if there is any screaming or crying he won't get anything until breakfast?

Ok I don't want to be that person but for comparison, I have a three year old, she always wants to come down to the kitchen with me when she wants something and that includes the middle of the night, yes she still wakes. He's not a baby he's actually getting close to not being a toddler either so I'm not surprised he's pushing boundaries and wants to explore more himself. It's not that much hassle to take him down with you. Is he under any physical therapy help for mobility? Even a smaller three year old should be able to navigated the stairs in some capacity unless they have mobility issues. It sounds like you keep him quite contained, the cot for example, most are moving on to a toddler bed at his age and not allowing him to even attempt the stairs properly isn't helping either, he'll never learn if he doesn't get the chance,

Lots of others have suggested that you simply bring him downstairs with you before you have your morning drinks so that he can see what you're doing.

I have a different solution to suggest to you.

You and your DH get up earlier to have your showers/go to the loo/brush teeth/whatever - before your son wakes up. Then you attend to him. Bring him downstairs in his PJ's if needs be but you're dressed and ready for the day.

errr.... yes....