Page 2 | Omg please help!

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 2025-02-02T08:33:58+00:00

Toddler is nearly 3. Every morning when he wakes up. We get him out of his cot and he can run around upstairs or come into bed whilst his dad or I get morning drinks (milk/ tea etc.) For the last couple of weeks he has started screaming in the morning when we go downstairs to get the drinks. Like full on. Full wake the whole street up screaming non stop. I honestly dont know what to do. Obviously I have been being calm and saying whats wrong, etc. Explaining dad always comes back with the drinks. Offering other drinks that are already available in case hes thirsty (water, squash). We have done ignoring as well. And sternly please stop screaming - because it is literally as loud as he can. This has been a few weeks now. He’s just been getting worse. And obviously the return of his drinks is the culmination of the event and he just happily drinks his milk so I dont know whether he thinks his screaming is resulting in a positive outcome. But we cannot have this. What do people suggest? I said to DP this morning maybe we need to try no milk. He can have a glass at breakfast but hes not going to die or starve of milk deprivation in the 20/30 minutes it takes everyone to get to breakfast. Any ideas! Help please

Tessabelle74 · 04/02/2025 12:02

Strugglingrightnow · 02/02/2025 08:35

What time is he doing this? Any time from 6am is fine for starting the day imo.

Is it ok for the neighbours though? I'd be incandescent to be woken by a screaming 3 year old every morning!

amispeakingintongues · 04/02/2025 11:59

Matronic6 · 04/02/2025 10:46

Nah, it's because a lot of people like tearing others down. OP got a lot of grief for her nearly three year old being in a cot, completely irrelevant to OPs issue and they were wrong. A lot of people judged her for not letting her child do the stairs alone, when it was quite clear OP said she didn't feel they were safe. She was also under no obligation to take of the much insincere 'advice.'

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No one is suggesting the toddler be allowed to walk up and downstairs unassisted. And toddler independence is so vital in forming self esteem, encouraging life skills is crucial before they start preschool. It takes a good year of practice to become confident at walking up and down the stairs.

amispeakingintongues · 04/02/2025 11:56

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 09:22

I agree with some others it all sounds like babying, mine were not getting milk at that time at that age.

Well this is what I mean. On the one hand we are babying him apparently. On the other hand expecting too much for him to wait two minutes for his milk is suddenly too much.

We clearly aren’t doing it right.

But I am wondering is the direction we should be going in really instant milk! Surely that is babying regression.

And yes there are other drinks available upstairs instantly like water and my partner always has squash which he likes and I had offered.

Kindly, this has very little to do with the selection of beverages. He is screaming because like all toddlers he doesn’t want to be trapped upstairs, he wants to go downstairs, have breakfast and start the day! He absolutely must learn how to use the stairs for his own safety. Mine both learned aged 1.5yrs. Also get him into a proper toddler bed, he is clearly frustrated by the lack of independence and autonomy.

Missj25 · 04/02/2025 11:50

I agree completely that a 3 year old should not be left navigate stairs on their own …

But with regards to calling a 3 year old a “mini dictator “ & “ irrational 3 year old “ GET A GRIP !!!!
Baby , Baby, Baby , Have I mentioned it’s a baby that we’re talking about here !!!!!

Matronic6 · 04/02/2025 10:46

tellmesomethingtrue · 04/02/2025 00:35

It's because the OP is resisting lots of the advice and is not really answering posts directly but being a bit formal and vague.

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Nah, it's because a lot of people like tearing others down. OP got a lot of grief for her nearly three year old being in a cot, completely irrelevant to OPs issue and they were wrong. A lot of people judged her for not letting her child do the stairs alone, when it was quite clear OP said she didn't feel they were safe. She was also under no obligation to take of the much insincere 'advice.'

AnaMond · 04/02/2025 10:15

Cunningfungus · 03/02/2025 23:22

If you actually read what I posted I said at least read the OP’s updates (click on “see all” on the OP’s original post) or else it’s you that’s just wasting your time and posting drivel. That’s what I did hence I knew the thread had moved wasaayyyy on!

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Threads like this need a ‘turn off comments’ button ( except for OP updates) otherwise they just go round and round with PP’s not reading the updates and giving the same advice, again and again, 29 pages and weeks later….

Hoppingabout · 04/02/2025 08:50

Lyraloo · 04/02/2025 08:42

Omg I am amazed by how much you have been castigated over this. Just ignore it. You have your routine and it’s not for a mini dictator to tell his parents how to behave! You are not doing anything detrimental to your child’s health or well being, so if you enjoy some family time over a cup of tea in bed in a morning, you do you. As he gets older your child will enjoy this time again and will probably remember it in later life. I’m amazed that so many parents simply give in to tantrums at the first sign of them, this is why we have so many out of control children. They think they are in charge and then get very scared when they don’t know what to do or how to control their emotions. We are the adults and need to have boundaries for our children to make them feel safe and secure. Children need to know that when they get out of control, there is someone there to catch them, to be calm and smooth them, not flapping about trying to fulfill their every demand and make things worse.

I really agree with this. Clear boundaries re behaviour and they can do what they want as long as they are within those boundaries.

Lyraloo · 04/02/2025 08:42

Omg I am amazed by how much you have been castigated over this. Just ignore it. You have your routine and it’s not for a mini dictator to tell his parents how to behave! You are not doing anything detrimental to your child’s health or well being, so if you enjoy some family time over a cup of tea in bed in a morning, you do you. As he gets older your child will enjoy this time again and will probably remember it in later life. I’m amazed that so many parents simply give in to tantrums at the first sign of them, this is why we have so many out of control children. They think they are in charge and then get very scared when they don’t know what to do or how to control their emotions. We are the adults and need to have boundaries for our children to make them feel safe and secure. Children need to know that when they get out of control, there is someone there to catch them, to be calm and smooth them, not flapping about trying to fulfill their every demand and make things worse.

Lyraloo · 04/02/2025 08:34

saffronspices · 04/02/2025 01:12

He might have suddenly decided that he doesn't like the routine - it can be anything that sets them off but as they can't really communicate what the problem is you have to guess. Maybe he wants to go with whoever got him up, to see where they go to and to see what they're doing - afterall he knows the other parent is either in bed or in the bedroom waiting for him but the other parent gets him up then disappears - he can't figure out where they've gone and doesn't understand about making drinks - he wants to see for himself. They are funny little souls 💙 and the first time round is mind boggling but so rewarding when you figure out what they're trying to tell you - you have to see everything through their eyes & it's a whole new world xx

He’s almost 3 and this routine has been going on all his life. He’s old enough to understand, daddy is getting your milk, he’s coming back in a minute! If he doesn’t understand at 3 that people go out of a room and don’t simply disappear, then there’s a problem! And before you say it, yes I know small children have no concept of time, but when their entire life has had the same routine, they can and do understand. Just because he may have decided that he has a problem with the routine, is not grounds to change it. These days people are letting their children behave like little dictators from a very young age, it’s what is causing so many problems as they get older. It is not for a 2/3 year old to dictate his parents routine.

Missj25 · 04/02/2025 07:55

An irrational 3 year old 🤣🤣🤣

WhatMummyMakesSheEats · 04/02/2025 07:30

It sounds like it’s you who can’t wait the 20 minutes to get downstairs before you have a drink? Unless I’m confused about you keeping a thermos at your bed? Meant kindly, are you autistic OP? I think it would go some way to explaining the rigidness of your routine. Honestly I’m surprised you’ve got to almost 3 years with the same morning routine.

BlueFlowers5 · 04/02/2025 05:05

My DC when three was getting and getting his own drink around 5.30 am each day.

Bowies · 04/02/2025 01:16

Yes he’s seeing the milk as a reward for the screaming, maybe it comes quicker that way?!

I would say stop screaming or no milk. And don’t give it.

Side note a proper breakfast is usually advised at this age and not filling up on milk before sitting down for meals. Can you get up earlier and get him sat down for breakfast? I wonder if he is very hungry by this point?

Maybe speak to next door neighbours to apologise and say you are addressing it but might get worse before it gets better.

If you are still struggling health visitor might be able to advise further.

saffronspices · 04/02/2025 01:12

He might have suddenly decided that he doesn't like the routine - it can be anything that sets them off but as they can't really communicate what the problem is you have to guess. Maybe he wants to go with whoever got him up, to see where they go to and to see what they're doing - afterall he knows the other parent is either in bed or in the bedroom waiting for him but the other parent gets him up then disappears - he can't figure out where they've gone and doesn't understand about making drinks - he wants to see for himself. They are funny little souls 💙 and the first time round is mind boggling but so rewarding when you figure out what they're trying to tell you - you have to see everything through their eyes & it's a whole new world xx

Ravensperch · 04/02/2025 01:04

Great update from this morning OP. Good luck for tomorrow. And with your surgery.

Original poster

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 04/02/2025 00:43

plinkyblonk · 03/02/2025 22:45

You seem to have an issue with changing your morning routine to meet your child's needs. He is clearly upset and the routine isn't working. as suggested 1000 times take him down stairs. If you feel the need to be dressed before going down stairs get up before your child abd sort yourself out. Then when they wake up you can maybe have a more relaxed routine for them.

Don’t be so ridiculous. I was here for suggestions of how to change the routine preemptively to avoid the 0-100 in 30 second scream rage of an irrational toddler.

Im not going to suddenly start running about trying to placate him when he’s like that because surely that risks reinforcing entirely unacceptable behaviour!

I don’t think that’s reluctance to change.

OP posts:

tellmesomethingtrue · 04/02/2025 00:35

ruethewhirl · 02/02/2025 12:29

Good grief, the judgement in parts of this thread. And even some of the constructive advice is delivered in a snarky tone. What do people get out of this?

It's because the OP is resisting lots of the advice and is not really answering posts directly but being a bit formal and vague.

JessicaRabbit6 · 04/02/2025 00:06

My daughter was like this. She’s still impatient now and very bossy 😩😂 my other two would of climbed out that cot and helped themselves by 3 though 😂😩

MaddestGranny · 03/02/2025 23:52

Teach him how to descend the stairs safely. At 3 this may still be a case of teaching him to wiggle down, feet first, on his tummy. All the while impressing on him how stairs can be dangerous & “it’s not good to fall”, & “that’s why he needs to learn keep himself safe on stairs”. Then he has choices & enhanced independence. Or, as others have suggested, Dad can take him with & “help” prepare the morning drinks together.

Gcsunnyside23 · 03/02/2025 23:36

Toddlerhelpplease123 · 02/02/2025 08:51

He should be able to climb stairs unless they’re like the stairs inside a lighthouse.

Tbh they aren’t far off and he has 2 percentile legs bless him.

Mine didn't walk down to start with, they would turn around and kind of reverse crawl down the stairs so it was safer

Cunningfungus · 03/02/2025 23:22

HMW1906 · 03/02/2025 21:41

Who can be arsed to read 28 pages of drivel really? Obviously you have the time to do that if you feel the need to comment on other people posting! And I’m not at work, I’m not being paid to be here so quite frankly couldn’t give a shite what you and other people think 🤷‍♀️

Edited

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If you actually read what I posted I said at least read the OP’s updates (click on “see all” on the OP’s original post) or else it’s you that’s just wasting your time and posting drivel. That’s what I did hence I knew the thread had moved wasaayyyy on!

MumoftwoGranofone · 03/02/2025 23:05

Hope tomorrow morning is better for you!

AllTheChaos · 03/02/2025 22:55

Hercisback1 · 02/02/2025 08:52

Teeth brushing should be after breakfast anyway.

Toilet, if they need it then quickly do that. Usually would rather breakfast first then toilet.

I used to think that, but my dentist said it’s best to clean teeth before breakfast, else the bacteria that built up overnight plus breakfast makes for decay. She said brush first thing, and either mouthwash after breakfast or brush again as long as it’s at least 20 mins after eating (any sooner and will damage the tooth enamel). It took months to retrain myself and I still sometimes forget!

Didimum · 03/02/2025 22:54

golemmings · 03/02/2025 22:01

That's an odd response.

It is relevant because if your child is toilet trained and they need a wee over night or first thing in the morning they can't get up and go to the bathroom if they're restrained in a cot.

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You get them out the cot when they want to. It isn’t an issue. It certainly isn’t OP’s issue, so it’s completely irrelevant.

Hercisback1 · 03/02/2025 22:52

You shouldn't be discouraging climbing stairs, how do you think he will learn? He needs the skill to navigate them, and that won't land by Magic. Supervise, monitor and support, but please don't stop him getting independence.

It sounds like he wasn't even that arsed about the milk, just didn't want a parent "dissappearing".